DIL insults our heritage

I'd still go for ignore otherwise she'll know that for all this time her nasty comments have been having the desired affect and have upset you.

Smileless2012

I'd still go for ignore otherwise she'll know that for all this time her nasty comments have been having the desired affect and have upset you.

Indeed.

In the whole of life well lived who cares what she thinks?

Why bother to get in an upset over nothing? Laugh to yourself.

Wow, if that happened to me, I would have to say something back.
I will say politely to DIL ‘You must have brought down the tone of this neighbourhood then by marrying someone who grew up in the shithole of England.’

She sounds a bit insecure to me. Maybe try showering her with complements.

VioletSky

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

Yes I'm with that one too.

In a weird way, I'm interested in her criteria for judging a county. I understand that country dwellers would say living in the country is better than living in the city, and vice versa, but I can't see how one comparatively rural county is superior to another fairly rural county. One could be warme? One drier?

Don't bother about passive aggressive nonsense.
this woman is ignorant and uncouth.

I certainly would not tolerate her using the word **hole to her child and in front of me and I would say so, and so should your son.

How you deal with it is up to you, but I wonder what has happened to make young adults so contemptuous of the older generation.

Being a Northerner, I immediately thought “you must be from xxxxx then!” Not naming the town

DIL insults our heritage

I thought DIL was going to be from another country!

If that is a mining heritage you could remind her that Somerset was a mining county at one time and take her to the Radstock Museum.

I have just read your opening post Grannypalmtree, God that's so rude Insulting anyone's hometown, area, country, county, awful. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, it's very insulting. I'm not sure how I'd be, livid probably. Commiserations.

Norah

Smileless2012

I'd still go for ignore otherwise she'll know that for all this time her nasty comments have been having the desired affect and have upset you.

Indeed.

In the whole of life well lived who cares what she thinks?

Why bother to get in an upset over nothing? Laugh to yourself.

Why bother to get in an upset over nothing? Laugh to yourself.

You have a point.

If someone made a similar comment to me I'd shrug it off and put it down to their ignorance - but when someone is constantly undermining you, it can be difficult ignore.

And to actually call the place you hail from a shithole - well that is really very goading.

Oh jeez she’s a real charmer isn’t she! She sounds utterly delightful. And to bring your grandson into it as well she needs putting in her place and the one to do that is your son, although I’m afraid I wouldn’t keep quiet, how very childish. I’d be humming I am a cider drinker under my breath 🙄 she doesn’t sound a very happy person to be honest, and talking like that unhinged

“What do you mean?” is where I’d start.

And if she said it was a joke, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about it?”

I’ve found people who use ‘it’s a joke!’ to disguise insults quickly give up when asked to explain the humour, rather than admit to being insulting.

MercuryQueen

“What do you mean?” is where I’d start.

And if she said it was a joke, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about it?”

I’ve found people who use ‘it’s a joke!’ to disguise insults quickly give up when asked to explain the humour, rather than admit to being insulting.

It's a very effective tactic

I discovered it by accident when I genuinely didn't understand a joke at my expense

MercuryQueen

“What do you mean?” is where I’d start.

And if she said it was a joke, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about it?”

I’ve found people who use ‘it’s a joke!’ to disguise insults quickly give up when asked to explain the humour, rather than admit to being insulting.

Another current excuse is “it’s only banter”.

I'm a Southerner and I wouldn't dream of making any derogatory comments about the North or any other part of the UK .

I think that your daughter in law is appallingly rude and disrespectful .

I wonder if she's just an angry , unhappy person in general .

You could ignore her and quietly seethe , make light of it -which is hard or challenge her full on .

In challenging her full on - I imagine that it will turn into a full scale row .

Not an easy decision and I don't envy you .

As others have said she sounds very insecure. I think she knows she is not well educated and needs to find something that gives her some status (according to her).

These are schoolyard comments.
I would quietly tell your grandson about his dad's heritage, family and where he grew up.
When he is able to see for himself he can visit and see how warm and lovely it is "up north".

I think there will be no changing her as she has a chip on her shoulder.

I couldn’t bite my tongue and put up with that, the next time she said something mean I’d make a joke of it, laugh and say ‘but the worst thing about us, which x hasn’t mentioned, is our inbuilt superiority complex.’ Whatever her issues are, running you down in front of other people isn’t acceptable at all.

Ask her “Where bees to maid?”

Or “Ooo arrhh!”

It's lonely on the high road. But politely .satisfying

correction: But politely satisfying.

BlueBelle

I think your son has to be the one to put her in her place
But you can tell her nicely without venom that she is being offensive to you and to her husband and she needs to stop as it’s neither funny or clever
I personally wouldn’t resort to calling her area names as it just brings you to her level

Perhaps she does it when son not present? Or son doesnt realise how it offends like its just a joke or banter and it most certainly is not.

But Bluebells approach would probably be mine. Done one time very firmly seeing how it goes first.
Not "tit for tat" as descending to her level.

She does not have the confidence to be rude she is just clearly ignorant. If she made remarks like that in Liverpool or surrounding area she would be put in her place and quite rightly so.

It is the use of swearwords about your home town to her child that has to be dealt with. She is clearly doing what she can to provoke a confrontation with you and most of her jibes can be ignored and treated with the contempt they deserve, but the foul language in front of a child ha to be stopped. I'm guessing his father isn't around when she uses it.

She was certainly a catch for your son.
drinks heavily, smokes and is of unkempt appearance
So what were the redeeming features that your son fell in love with.