Confused and sensitive

Not all mothers feel guilty for not staying home with him
Some mothers prefer to work

So, some mothers do like doing fun activities with their kids when they don't work - it is not overcompensating, it is enjoying life and having fun with your child

Mothers have also to do the routine and boring things with their kids, what's the harm with a little fun?

I agree, Hithere! (Thu 17-Aug-23 13:12:31)

Labadi0747

I don’t think you’re getting a lot of sympathy here !
I don’t think you are being over sensitive.If you feel this then you feel this.
Why does it always have to be the way of the youth of today .No consideration of how people used to relate .
It isn’t rocket science .

Well said!

I agree with the Poster actually. Yes, times have changed, seems lack of manners is higher up the scale too! My mum has 8 grandchildren and she only sees 1 regularly and that's because she brings the sprog here to see great-great mama! WhatsApp is On ALL their latest smartphones but she hardly ever hears from the others. Shame really!

My son sends me photos of the grandchildren all time, and calls me on FaceTime so I can talk to them. They seem to do lots of interesting things, but I remember my kids used to get very hyped up and have fights if we stayed in the house all day in the school holidays or at weekends. I think he sends me photos so I feel involved (their other granny lives just found the corner from them). So I think it may be a generational difference - this is how they keep in touch with friends! TBH, I love seeing photos of them, I find my DGCs quite adorable!

I call all three of my kids nice a week, usually on a Sunday at a time I think they’re likely to be at home. I video call on FaceTime or Messenger where possible, phone if not. I follow all of them on Facebook and Instagram (and they follow me). Occasionally I’ll email them something I think they might find interesting or text if it’s something important. I think predictability helps to keep communication manageable.

Firstly I don't think that not answering the phone, at least to unplanned know it's going to be a chitchat call, is generational. I'm 71 and dislike unplanned social calls immensely. Secondly, photos can be deceptive, giving the impression that the OP's life us one long party when in fact it isn't.
Our immediate family all use WhatsApp and in the several groups we all send pics to keep others up to date with lives. It only takes a second to reply with an emoji!
I do fully appreciate that the OP feels sensitive and she feels what she feels but it doesn't hurt to try and see the other person's point of view.

Please can you help put things in perspective and offer your thoughts, I feel rebuffed and hurt
My DDiL does not like proffesional photographs prefering snaps of my DGS using her phone, I have no quality photos of him, they all are either too bright/dark/turning away etc
My DS agrees with me, I asked him if I could take DGS for a photo at a studio, he said that was agood idea, they are moving away shortly and I would like a nice portrait while he is still a toddler
I didn't tell my DIL, and thought when she saw the photo she would be pleased with it
She found out, and very firmly told me she did not want him being dressed up for a photo, and I could do other things with him
My DS feels she was being harsh, but did not want to argue with my DiL
I feel very hurt, I have a good relationship with them all, and feel things are now strained,
I've not spoken to DiL as think it best not to try change her mind and possibly cause a rift

I personally dislike posed studio photos and much prefer more casual ones. It would be more than my life’s worth to do something like that against DIL’s wishes. I wouldn’t want to do something she disapproved of anyway because I know how it irritated me when my MIL did similar.

I didn't tell my DIL, and thought when she saw the photo she would be pleased with it

This part was the wrong thing to do, As32, in fact I'm quite shocked that you took your DGS, all dressed up, for a studio portrait without your DIL knowing!

Perhaps apologise and say to her that you did this because you love DGS, you're going to miss them all when they move and thought that you could look at his photo whenever you miss him.

Perfect example of some young folk thinking they have a very busy life. How much time goes on phone use, traipsing about to entertain a 2 year old, never mind the expense. Yep, they have such a hard life.

I lost my parents in my early 30s. We were close and my parents were good, salt of the earth folk. And I still spent a good amount of time with them after I married and moved out of their home. But only after I lost them did I realise that perhaps I could have taken more interest in their daily lives. And learned more about their early lives before I came along. I think when we are young we can sometimes be unintentionally thoughtless and even selfish. We get too caught up in our own lives. Hopefully as she gets older she will begin to appreciate you more. As long as you can keep on good terms with your daughter and are seeing your GC I think you need to bite your tongue, no matter how hard, to keep the peace. But only you can really decide if you need to confront the problems with her.

I sometimes wish my DD phoned less often - she often phones when it isn't the best time for me as she live in a country with a 3 hour time difference. However I'm grateful she wants to talk to me daily. We do communicate a lot by WhatsApp too and that includes family group chats etc.

I've tried to get used to the ways my DS and DD communicate and am always grateful for the contact. I have loads of photos and videos of my GC which I may bore my friends with! I've learned that some are more interested than others so am being more selective about who I share them with now. We all have to learn to adapt to the ways of the modern world. I'm grateful for times when we get together as that is harder with living a long distance away, so having the amount of contact electronically means I feel closer despite the physical distance between us. If you are fairly local to each other try to arrange to get together somewhere where your grandson will have fun but you can have a catch up. My grandson who is nearly 3 loves going to a local playground. It needn't be an expensive day out. Sadly his local playground is 200 miles away from me!

As32

Please can you help put things in perspective and offer your thoughts, I feel rebuffed and hurt
My DDiL does not like proffesional photographs prefering snaps of my DGS using her phone, I have no quality photos of him, they all are either too bright/dark/turning away etc
My DS agrees with me, I asked him if I could take DGS for a photo at a studio, he said that was agood idea, they are moving away shortly and I would like a nice portrait while he is still a toddler
I didn't tell my DIL, and thought when she saw the photo she would be pleased with it
She found out, and very firmly told me she did not want him being dressed up for a photo, and I could do other things with him
My DS feels she was being harsh, but did not want to argue with my DiL
I feel very hurt, I have a good relationship with them all, and feel things are now strained,
I've not spoken to DiL as think it best not to try change her mind and possibly cause a rift

I think "she found out" is where you went wrong. She should have been included in the discussion from the beginning. If you want a nice photo, ask someone to take one of the snaps and to edit it to make it look better. There are all sorts of things you can do in photo software these days to make photos look more professional.
I don't think I would try to change her mind until things have settled down and then perhaps discuss getting some nice photos in a less formal environment. I have seen some lovely ones where children have been in fields full of flowers or outside. The only difference between snaps and these, are a professional photographer knows about the camera setting which get the best pictures. They look much more natural.
I think the bottom line though, is that you do get photos and your relationship with your Daughter in Law is much more important than a studio shot.

She sounds rude and horrid. Yes younger generations communicate differently but common decency / manners cost nothing …
She should ask how you are and celebrate important milestones with you!
What’s your DS doing going off on hols with his friends if a Reg occurrence ?!
You are family and I think she is showing a general disregard for you which is appalling !

Hi
I don’t think You are being over sensitive …I do think that if Your Daughter is working full time that She is trying to do the best for Your Grandchild and may feel that’s She is on a roller coaster at times …There could be something else going on …Unhappy partnership etc etc .,,Things arent always as they seem …

About the meeting at a park, etc: it’s MUCH easier to visit when a child is safely occupied than having to buzz around like a hummingbird on a caffeine high to keep the child safe and ensure they don’t touch anything they shouldn’t.

I’m puzzled, though. If your gc visiting at your home is so important, why haven’t you childproofed?

The grandchild wouldn’t be bored if it was a child friendly place, ie, Toys there’s a novel idea 🤔

We have two children and four grandchildren. We love them all and their respective spouses and they know they can call on us whenever they need to. However my husband and I decided many years ago that we would expect nothing from any of them so that we would never be hurt by them or "disappointed" in them. My husband has often said to me " There is you and me then the rest of the world". They are all very nice people leading busy lives so spending time with them is always a bonus. I would only advise you to focus more on your husband and less on your daughter. Be there for her when she needs you but develop your own life so that there are lots of things to keep you busy and occupied with others. Your heart is hurting right now and I really feel for you, so maybe don't leave yourself exposed enough to let your daughter hurt you. None of you will love each other any the less but mutual respect will grow when there is a bit of healthy space for you all to develop into the people you want to be. Remember, we are never the finished article.

Thanks for your perspective
I won’t bring it up again with her, not worth rocking the boat over something fairly trivial.

Sorry for the comment, I’m on the wrong thread

Happy Ruby Anniversary, OP, and congrats to you and your DH . Of course your DD should have been interested in your celebration at church. I would have found that selfish and thoughtless.

Mamo

Happy Ruby Anniversary, OP, and congrats to you and your DH . Of course your DD should have been interested in your celebration at church. I would have found that selfish and thoughtless.

Eh… a lot of people have strong negative feelings against attending church. I wouldn’t judge someone on attending a church celebration or not.

Remember back to when many of us were 'menstrual'. Having PMT could make you very unreasonable and aggressive. That might explain your 'bi-polar' theory.
Cut her some slack. Make your house toddler friendly. Stay positive in all versions of correspondence.
Are you having a family meal to celebrate your wonderful Ruby Anniversary? Whatever you are doing, congratulations.

. She constantly sends photos and videos of our grandson and in entertaining him with theme parks and many treats, her life is one long party. I always thank her or send positive texts about his latest adventures,

Oh dear. As my GC all live 1 1/2 hours minimum away from me in different directions, I cannot get enough pictures of them! I just wish sometimes (well most of the time) that I could be there in person, but seeing they are well and happy is all I can hope for.
You give so much away by your opinion that your D spoils her little boy. And stop and think - she has a job and a toddler but you feel she neglects you and your interests? She has enough on her plate .
Unlike some others I do not think you need to play mind games but just accept that you have moved down the ranking in the family . Be generous in spirit and if she does not seem to be interested in your priorities, so what? Your interests are not hers.
Back off, stay pleasant and loving but respec her space

Good advice Foxy.