Confused and sensitive

She constantly sends photos and videos of our grandson and in entertaining him with theme parks and many treats, her life is one long party. I always thank her or send positive texts about his latest adventures

And just to add:
Entertaining an energetic toddler is not exactly a walk in the --theme- park either! He's having a lovely time, of course, which is good.

I'm more rattled by the fact she hasn't asked or even bothered with her grandfather!!!
I bet he sent lots of cards and gifts when your DD was younger, and when he was more able to!
I also bet there were lots of happy hours spent in each others company but now that he's old, and frail, she doesn't want to know?!
What will happen when the poor chap dies, will she scoot along rather quickly for the reading of his will?
It's good she can spend so much time with her child, but he'll be off to school in a couple of years, possibly nursery even sooner, whatever will she fill her time with then?
Why not at your house or her house? At this age the child should have plenty toys to keep them amused indoors for the odd days they can't or don't get out, what's so wrong with being indoors occasionally?
Is she embarrassed by your home, or by hers?
Could you invite both parents and GS to yours for a meal sometime?
Or get in touch with her husband yo ask if you could go to their home to see them all together, for a nice change, as it sounds like you don't get to see him, either?!
I'm still upset for her grandfather!!!

BTW, Sheian62

Best wishes for your Ruby anniversary. I hope you both have a marvellous day. xoxo

Wow, quite a lot of assumptions there about the grandfather Ali08

I could just as easily write He never sent cards or gifts when she was younger and perfectly able to and never bothered to spend any time with her at all. And now he is old and frail he wants her to pay attention to him

Both your post and mine have come out of our heads! Nothing more. We do know the grandfather doesn’t contact her and she doesn’t contact him. Seems like a mutual lack of interest to me.

It’s just another thing the OP thinks her daughter should be doing.

Thank you all for your good wishes for our anniversary which we are looking forward to. I have 3 AC, and 3 GC. The older GC was cared for by me Wednesday evening and all day Thursday from the age of 6 months for 4 years until school. We had lots of fun in and out of the house living just 4 miles away until they moved 100 miles away. My DD also lives 100 miles away and keeps asking us to move near them. We won’t be doing that as we are happy in our community, having lived here for 32 years and whilst we enjoy being with the family, they have their lives and we have ours now. Retirement has meant rejuvenating my own interests whilst fit enough to do them. I enjoy getting photos and videos of the activities of the GC and usually respond with what I have been doing. I think the snapping and sniping of my DD is a trait that she always has had. There are similar issues with other people in her life including her husband, some of whom she has dropped, so this is possibly why I get whiplashed as I always forgive the outbursts. There have been MH concerns so eggshell walking us commonly practiced. She has had treatment via counselling and medication but has never given us an opinion on any possible labels, and hope there are no long term diagnoses, nor would I ask but I have my own thoughts. Like some have suggested, she possibly gets involved with many activities to escape reality as her home life could be associated with arguments and unpleasantness. Her friend contacted me recently saying she was concerned and hinted at relationship issues with my DD and SIL. Things appear ok atm but I suspect the freedom my SIL has to maintain weekends and nights out with his friends is possibly his bid to escape and avoid arguments with my DD. I do not get involved nor have I been asked to, but might suggest, if asked, relationship counselling. Sorry this is such a long post, but I am trying to give more insight and background to open the wider picture

Ali08, my DD GF is my FIL. Both MIL and FIL bought gifts for our children at Christmas and birthdays, had them stay during holidays and took them out on trips, etc so yes they were interested back then but as our children grew up they lost interest in their grandparents and became more interested in their own lives. I think my DD is harsh expecting her GF to send her and GS cards and gifts when he is so frail and barely gets out. She recently sent him a gift for his birthday that didn’t receive any acknowledgement so this is the reason for her indifference now. Ordinarily I am ashamed to say that none of them phone or send him cards usually, except when I reminded them it was his 90th. However, you are right, it is shameful that when he was younger there were treats that they enjoyed and now he is old, has been discarded. It’s heartbreaking. This will bite my AC one day!

Does the gf want to talk to your daughter?

If he is too frail, how about somebody dialing for him and he just talks?

You are putting the responsibility of the relationship on your daughter when the road goes ways

It is normal for adults to become interested in other things and abandon what they used to do or how they were raised

You say the children lost interest in grandparents as they grew up but you seem to only blame your daughter for this.

She may be and may always have been a difficult personality but your negativity towards her does come through very clearly in your posts.

Perhaps it would be better for both of you to keep contact to a minimum and to keep your lives as separate as possible.

Sheian62

I could write a lot more, but some people on here are unbelievable in their opinions, being very judgemental when they don’t know half of it. I suppose I shouldn’t use the forum for advice because it’s impossible to explain in detail what has been going on for 30+ years and people are pulling my words apart in the belief that they have sussed out the truth. My last words in this are you don’t know me, or my life or the truth at all and I regret visiting the forum to expect sympathy. How silly of me. I suppose I am a fool, but thanks to those who have given me some support. I appreciate it

Try not to let it upset you. Some of the responses have been very unkind but it is very difficult when we don’t know all the facts. 💐

Sorry Sheian62……I missed your last post.

@OP
If you ask AIBU you have to be prepared to hear the answer “yes”
The forum is not entitled “Please give me your support in this”