Being bullied by kindness (bullying)

It is coming from a good place. Diplomacy might not be top of his skill set but he is keeping in touch and is trying to help.
Looking at it dispassionately and suggesting that you 'Don't sweat the small stuff and generally it is all small stuff'.
Love and kindness toward other people are possibly the best ways we have of showing our best versions of ourselves. People do not necessarily remember what you say but they do remember how you make them feel.

Hetty58 as always is is difficult to understand exactly how others feel and experience things. It does sound wonderful to me to have a family who help with the things I cannot do myself but I understand your latest example may not have pleased me either although my garden if very different to how you explain yours. If that was 3 years ago and it is still ongoing, why have you not been able to sort this with your son in law and daughter, it sounds strange to me that talking with them does not get the required result. Is there more to this than you are sharing?

I with you Fran A.
Youve already said that "nothing you can say"can stop him doing it his way so I don't understand why so many are saying just talk to him when you've clearly said you have.
To me he's not helping you with what you need or want,he's deciding that for you and I know I would look upon that as more controlling than helpful.

My son is a little bit similar in that he helps in his own way, not always with the same priorities as me, but I am very grateful for any help he gives. Last weekend he popped over to collect something unexpectedly, and also brought me a plated meal- enough for two meals, in fact, but it needed eating, not freezing. This rather upset my meal planning and what I had bought in for the weekend- but there’s no way I am going to turn down his kindness and help. I have bigger things to deal with.
Not sure this helps FranA though.

If OP feels bullied l think she needs support not questioning her feelings. It seems very controlling to me, wearying and invasive behaviour. Tell him to sling his hook he'll be into your bank account next.

Don't be so ungrateful. Some people have sons and daughters who don't help at all. Be grateful for small mercies.

mabon1

Don't be so ungrateful. Some people have sons and daughters who don't help at all. Be grateful for small mercies.

OPs worries are doubled and you advise her to be grateful. Odd reasoning.

Just sit down and talk to him.

As for narcissism , elder abuse, bullying, words fail.

To me, he just sounds 'over-enthusiastic'.

That said, I know I would feel as annoyed as the OP if someone was 'helping' me like that in my own garden.

He definitely needs reining in, but that is clearly a lot easier said than done.

It sounds to me as if he has a big heart and his intention is to help, but maybe he doesn't have the ability to listen.. I would write down a couple of things that you do need doing.. give that list to him and then supervise.. and express gratitude to him when he finishes the tasks.. some people have very fixed views on the way things ie curbs, should look.. be gracious and gentle