Am I wrong to think this is rude ?

It's lovely to have such friendly neighbours but...I do think this is really rude, in the sense of a lack of etiquette and social awareness/good manners (or "good breeding" as my mother would say !!), which very sadly seems to be lacking everywhere now. Goodness, I do sound old !!

It will depend on what is in your conveyance with regard to owns the fence and who is responsible for it. Most people are reasonable enough to go halves. Fencing is now expensive- like everything else.

I guess - from comments on here - we should be 'grateful' for nice neighbours and try not to upset them.

However, when you buy a house, you expect to be able to - within reason - live your life on your terms. And, IMO, privacy in your own home and garden, is not too much to demand - regardless of what other people may or may not expect of you?

Of course, as has been suggested, you could always join in the evening 'natter'... but maybe you have your own plans and evening routine? Maybe you don't have the time to just 'join in'?

I would never do what your NDNs are doing to my neighbours - I value my own privacy and 'me' time and would assume they needed similar quietness and peace.

I have the same issue with my neighbors I’d leave my door open if I wanted to and i would turn off the light until they had gone in and I wouldn’t care if I was in my dressing gown. You could always pretend you on the phone and say sorry Mary i can’t hear you neighbors are talking outside say that again lol they will soon get message. Mine sit outside and chat and I sometimes sit with them but sometimes I don’t

I'd hate it and find it very thoughtless. Yes I'd turn off your garden lights. I would also be merrily chatting about your plans to raise the fences next spring to put climbers up. having lived with a low fence on one side in our first house, we vowed never again, luckily the neighbours wanted to put in a higher fence and we were delighted to say yes.

You could just put music on really loud, making it impossible for them to hear each other…they would soon modify their behaviour…and if they complain you can act the innocent and explain you turned it up because when it was low you couldn’t hear it above their chatting…or is that passive aggressive?

I'd just go in your house and watch tv/radio with the volume up. I wouldn't join in. Its getting colder now anyway.

When we moved in our neighbours put a smaller fence down most of the garden with a higher fence near the doors. We often used to go and chat over the fence. None of the other neighbours we've had have been 'chatty' types, in fact most haven't wanted to do more than say hello if they see us on the drive. We've now planted tall shrubs between us so don't need to change the fence.

A lot of the suggestions here - planting, raising the fence - are what my daughters would call “pass-ag”
The regular wine and cheese at yours sounds to me absolutely brilliant.

merlotgran

You could add trellis to whichever fence is yours and grow something up it. It wouldn’t be a solid barrier but would impede their vision of each other and might put them off.

I think that this sounds like a good idea, provided it doesn't make your garden dark. Tall plants by the fence near your window would also move them a bit further away.
Otherwise the idea of joining in is appealing, you seem to think they're OK? If they don't like it I'm sure they'd stop talking across your garden

Could you fix something on top of the fence like a trellis with the excuse of growing something. Or ask if either would like to swap houses…

Definitely turn off your outside light, and turn it back on again routinely as you go to bed/check doors etc. I think maybe it will stop a bit now the nights are getting colder.

I would plant laurel, it goes thick and fast. Just be prepared to cut it once/twice a year when fully established.

We have a covenant on all our properties here that the fences can’t be higher than 4 foot.
All of us have high fences shielding our patio area.

This seems very rude to me, but judging from some of the answers you have received Gangan it rather looks as if it is acceptable or at least common behaviour in the UK!

Could you jokingly ask these neighbours when they are chin-wagging if they have heard of the telephone or the postal service, or simply if you maý join in?

I would feel justified in saying that I felt I was being forced to eavesdrop on conversations that in no way concerned me, as we increasingly are when people hold telephone conversations on public transport.

sarahcyn

A lot of the suggestions here - planting, raising the fence - are what my daughters would call “pass-ag”
The regular wine and cheese at yours sounds to me absolutely brilliant.

A lot of the suggestions here - planting, raising the fence - are what my daughters would call “pass-ag”

Hardly surprising. Exhibiting frustration and anger have become socially unacceptable and we learn from an early age not to show it. But as it's a normal human reaction, it doesn't just 'go away' so we coat it with something more 'polite'.

Perhaps if we were allowed to be more openly assertive and honest about things that annoy or frustrate without being accused of anger "issues" we wouldn't resort to these cryptic methods.

It is possible to be honest about something that 'bugs' you without being nasty with it.

Could you perhaps have a radio on, slightly louder than usual so they find it a problem hearing each other over the fences ?

I quite understand why you don't want your neighbours chatting across your garden but if you follow some of the suggestions you run the risk of alienating your neighbours. That would be a shame as they are friendly. It's very easy to turn people off!

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202310/medium-348840-post-extenders.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202310/medium-719816-zebra-blinds.jpg

JdotJ

Could you perhaps have a radio on, slightly louder than usual so they find it a problem hearing each other over the fences ?

This is an easy option. Put the radio on the kitchen windowsill with the window open.

We had a similar issue and raised the height of the fence with trellis. You can buy metal extenders which are easy to fit. You then slot trellis panels into them.

Or you could get a large planter and put a fast growing shrub in it.

Have you thought about day and night blinds (zebra blinds).

Why not invest in a day/night blind, there not expensive but let in light but keep prying eyes out.

Dinahmo

I quite understand why you don't want your neighbours chatting across your garden but if you follow some of the suggestions you run the risk of alienating your neighbours. That would be a shame as they are friendly. It's very easy to turn people off!

Especially people who are too stupid to realise when they are bothering someone else in that someone else's own space!

Why can't they chat in each other's houses, taking turns? ---- Because that would mean thinking about someone else.

I've no patience with this kind of utter thoughtlessness.

However, I do understand the OP's conundrum. Hope you can do something over the winter, OP, that might help curtail the annoyance without their realising you're a bit pissed off.

The fact that you sometimes you join in the conversations, day or night, it does not matter, to them translates into the idea that you are all right with it. You can't eat your cake and have it, picking and choosing what time they are allowed to be, literally and figuratively, in your field of vision. You can get film that allows you to see out, but people can't see in. I am thinking that the floodlights actually encourage them to converse, since they won't be 'in the dark'.

I would say nothing in the hope that it may fizzle out, especially as the nights are drawing in. I find this behaviour ignorant but your neighbours have no intention of upsetting you, they just lack awareness. As others have said, put nets, blinds, anything up. Plant laurel bushes along the fence, as you 'just love a bit of greenery.'

Switch off outside light.

Trellis and climbing roses inside the fence near the back of your house