Totally exhausted from babysitting GC

You really do need to have that conversation soon and decide in advance exactly how much time you are happy to give, they are certainly taking advantage, my sil used to go to the gym after work when we had been in duty from 7 am.
Don’t forget more children may come along and of course you will be older, best to nip it now,
Good luck and be brave.
Enjoy the sunshine holiday and have a good think.

Maureen, I am glad you are going away on holiday with your OH, but I am surprised you are even considering babysitting for your daughter and partner again, after their insulting behaviour.
You have to stop being at their beck and call, as it will only get worse.

I need to do something about this I know.

You certainly do.

The real question is how you allowed it all to get to this.
If you dont understand why you did, you are going to repeat some of the same mistakes all over again.

This type of thing normally comes back to a fear.

What are you fearing will happen if you dont carry on as before?

So my take on this is 1) you are very lucky to have the opportunity to care for your GC, 2) You are being completely taken advantage of and 3) Your GC are so lucky to have you.

My advice, address this asap, have an open, honest chat with the parents, explain your feelings and tiredness and try and come to an arrangement which genuinely suits you both.

Btw, how long have you been with your new partner ? If GC are at your home you really are entitled to have who you like there, within reason, and you could introduce him to them as your friend. Think the parents are being pretty unreasonable in every way, but until you tell them, they’ll never realise

im 68 do 1 day a week for 20 month grandson, love him dearly, its exhausting, little ones are full on, when he has a nap at noon ,so do I!

Cannot believe how much childcare you manage to do on top of a job and a partner. As others have said you need to talk to the parents quietly and calmly and just tell them it's all too much for you and you're going to have to cut down on the childcare permanently. You need to have worked out beforehand exactly what you are willing/able to do and not relent. Easy to say I know and much more difficult to do. As your partner hasn't met the GC's yet I'm wondering if this is a newish relationship and your AC's might blame this for your decision to do less childcare, just a point to maybe be wary of?

Only just seen this and not read all the advice already given, so this may already have been suggested.
I would encourage your AC to share their childcare amongst themselves. Tell them you’ve realised it’s too much for you to have them overnight, offer to sit at their homes (but only if it’s easier for you).
Tell them your recent bout of illness is partially result of being over tired and, if you dare, that they upset you.
I know, only too well, stating your upset can backfire as if you are not allowed feelings!
Good luck and enjoy your holiday.

The family members should have a go doing what you do. Serms like another case of AC assuming parents will basically take over childminding enabling them to live as normal. There's being a GP and being a doormat. You need to have quite a discussion with AC to get them to accept their responsibilities as parents. You have your own life to live.

I really empathise. Hard to change the child care whilst they are working without notice so they can sort childcare but you absolutely should not do the babysitting for the parents to socialise. Our grandchildren are with us very very often. I love them but it is very tiring. Gradually set some boundaries.

Damdee

If you behave like a doormat you will get trodden all over - sorry, but it's true. Talk to them - lay down some ground rules!

This
I adore
My DGS but I have him on my terms

There's a word called NO - and good, clear communication about exactly how many hours, which days etc. is vital, too. Yes, I do believe our children think we're just sitting here, twiddling our thumbs, waiting for the chance to babysit.

I absolutely understand you! I love my GC to bits and love having them with me but I still want to do things for myself. So sometimes DH and I plan a couple of days away and then announce this well in time to our DS and DIL We are never away on a wednesday because we know they don't have another solution for our GS (and we love to have him every week) but date-nights etc. are for us not a reason to stay home. They know this and plan well in advance.

They won't realise you've taken on too much they'll think you love it , grateful ,etc,nothing will change unless you speak up

You need to fess up and stop letting them walk all over you!

I was lucky enough to be able to stay at my DS and DDIL’s to look after my DGCs during the nursery summer holiday closure and when needed elsewhere. I absolutely loved every minute and feel very blessed to have done so however once they were older I had to stop because I literally couldn’t keep up with them after developing serious heart problems.
By then they were able to arrange things with their friends.
My experience is vastly different from the expectations that some ACs have; taking the proverbial comes to mind.

This is going to sound incredibly hard. I told my dd, when she has children, they are not my children and do not expect me to be your childcare.
I choose when and if I provide childcare. Obviously, there have been quite a few crisis points and I've had to pick it up. I tend to take one at a time for a sleep over. I do on special occasions take the 3 of them overnight. I also take them all on a break in the spring. That's my limit.
It is exhausting, I honestly do not know how you manage. I certainly would not have them dictating when I see my partner either.
Get these lines in place and make them rigid.

I agree with all that has been said previously. You need to think carefully what childcare you can give, remembering to build time in for yourself, then have a serious discussion with your DD and SIL. Make time for it, invite them for a cup of tea/glass of wine so that they know you have given it thought and you are serious. Write your childcare offerings down so that it is clear in your own mind (you could always offer a written list so that they can fit their commitments to it.) You should not have to justify anything except to say you are finding it too much. Could you perhaps invite them to look at this thread?

I would just tell DD that you're finding it too physically taxing to watch LO as often as you are. Explain the issues with getting LO to sleep and that you're struggling trying to do it all on your own at your age. I would say that, as much as you love spending time with your grandchildren, you also have your own life and need more balance. If you make it all about your struggle with this situation, it's obvious that it's not personal.

I'm so glad you have a holiday booked and something good to look forward to. Sounds like you really need and deserve it. I live a couple of hundred miles from my single parent daughter and she has no other relatives nearby. So she can onlywork part time. This means there is no spare cash for socialising or babysitters. The GC are adorable and extremely lively. How I would love to live nearby to help and support her. She is always exhausted and never get an opportunity for a night out even if she could afford it.
I'm sure many young parents are in the same boat. Its time for your daughter and her husband to wise up to realise how much you should be appreciated. Time for you to wise up and be a bit selfish too, for the benefit of everyone. Take care, enjoy your holiday, and your relationship with your partner. And most of all be guilt free

Girl!! You need to set boundaries!

Sometimes 'No' is easier said than done.
I started having my granddaughter to stay at my house from when she was sleeping through the night, which was 6 weeks old. It started as 1 night, then 2, then 3, taking her back on a Monday morning before I went to work.
I do believe that (some of) this generation believe they have a god given right to everything you have including your time. They believe you have no life and are at their beck and call. This is my experience of my three adult children - and we say 'Adult' children, but when faced with 'No' they throw a childish tantrum.
If I ever did things like, god forbid, have my own life, I would be told I wouldnt see the grandchildren again.
As it happens, my daughter checked out of being a parent and my granddaughter now lives with her father so I barely see her aanyway. And my son who has three children is in the middle of a custody battle with his ex and we arent allowed to see them at the moment.
So on the one hand, I would dearly love to spend time with my grandchildren, but on the other hand, I will never ever be a doormat again.
Your children are very lucky to have you. Your grandchildren are very lucky to have you. However, you need to have your life to and they need to respect that.
Sometimes I wonder why our adult children dont look at us and think 'Geez Mum's getting older maybe she should slow down and maybe I should start paying someone for the free childcare she is giving to us'
We also forget that 'No' is a complete sentence and doesnt need an explanation.

I’m 75 and reading this out to my 75 year old husband. He suggests booking a long cruise. With your bf. It’s your life honey, and your years are being stolen by ungrateful AC. My hb has 4 grandchildren from his first marriage (he’s a widower) and I have 2. All aged between 3 and 16. All children have gone to nursery, where they absolutely thrived. We did occasionally mind them, sometimes a sleepover, one at a time (more than one is a nightmare) Our grandchildren adore us, and our times together are precious and fun and we never regret not minding them more! You need to let your AC know it’s too much.

I am sorry but, as has already been said many times, they are only treating you like this because you are allowing it, and only you can change the situation. You know, in your heart of hearts, what needs to be done to resolve the issue, but only you can do it! Good luck xxx

I too have looked after all of my grandchildren. Firstly the eldest in my 40s, then my two little toddler grandsons in my 50s, which was incredibly hard work, although they were adorable. It wasn't appreciated, just expected. I was paid (a lot less than the going rate) but I think that made it worse bc I then became an employee and more was expected of me. I was still helping out up to a few months ago (in my 60s) but ended up with severe stress, through overdoing it and am still paying the price as I am on antidepressants, worn out, and having to make sure I don't overstretch myself. I don't regret looking after my wonderful grandchildren one bit, but wish it had been appreciated 😔