AIBU to think that a parent should be able to deal with a 10 year old threatening her with a hammer and garden shears?

A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

Where is the emoji for despair...

A 'feral' child is the product of a tumultuous upbringing by a parent or parents who are, themselves, unable to do the job, for various reasons. But whatever the reasons, they create instability for children.

But, sure - encourage these erratic parents to give the child a good old-fashioned whalloping... I'm sure that will solve all the family's problems... the answer to violence, is to teach the child to use more of it - what could possibly go wrong? <<<sigh>>>

biglouis

Some children are feral thanks to all this so called "gentle" parenting. A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

No, some children are out of control because their parent(s) have absolutely no clue about how to parent, let alone live an ordered life themselves.
Probably no regular meals, a house in disorder with a parent who takes drugs or leave cannabis sweets around for her child to sample.

A walloping is not the answer for a child who is lost.

Having 4 boys myself, none of them dared to challenge me because their feet would not have touched the ground

because their feet would not have touched the ground
Do you mean you'd have hit them and knocked them flying? 😲

Mine were often 'challenging', but they all seem to have grown up into decent, caring adults with a social conscience.

The police can’t do right for doing wrong these days. The mother should be made to explain how her daughter came to be in possession of cannabis edibles, whatever they are and also why is she such an ineffectual parent.

biglouis

Some children are feral thanks to all this so called "gentle" parenting. A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

My lovely dad would always say thant's what your right hand is for followed by a short sharp slap.

😲
Unlike most children brought up in the 1950s and 60s, I never had a smack, let alone a good walloping.

I seem to have grown up knowing right from wrong.

When you whack a child - are you not teaching them, subliminally, that violence is the way to solve their problems?

If your parent(s) get angry with you and lash out - how are you going to react in future when someone makes you angry?

It's not "woke" or "soft" to not hit children as a corrective method. It's common sense.

You can be strict and be a disciplinarian without violence, and if you can't - then you've probably created the 'monster' child yourself!

Ugh!

we also don't know the effect the cannabis had on the child.. I think tasering is too extreme but these young police officers probably haven't had a lot of experience in violent situations.. I would however question why they were carrying a taser gun.. they should have been taught de-escalation procedures as we were in psychiatric hospitals..

I would however question why they were carrying a taser gun..

If the officer is taser trained, they carry one at all times.

www.northants.police.uk/police-forces/northamptonshire-police/areas/northamptonshire-force-content/sd/stats-and-data/taser/#:~:text=What%20is%20Taser%3F,to%20temporarily%20incapacitate%20a%20person.

A different force but I think this is interesting information

There are some assumptions here. The child might not have eaten her mother's cannabis edibles but got them in another way. Also, are they cannabis edibles or CBD edibles, a very different thing but often described similarly. This mother may be a good Mum but desperate.

As to "gentle parenting", you would soon find yourself in trouble with Social Services if there was a good hiding being meted out. My grandchild throws things, hits out and does the most dreadful things and SS are involved because her parents asked for help. Advice is dependent on the Social Worker involved but almost without exception you are not allowed to punish by removing items or often a reward if they do what they need to do and then don't give it to them if they don't. You must never, ever say that you wonder if the child is Neuro Diverse (ND) either because then you are blaming the child for their behaviour. It MUST be something the parent is doing. They can tell you very definitely what you can't do but have no advice as to what you can do. I kid you not but even the school stepped in and suggested that Social Services were making things worse, not better. After 8 years with on and off "help" they are at last considering that maybe she is ND but refuse to agree with school as to what form it takes. Meanwhile the violence escalates and as she heads towards teenage years, other problems are gaining traction. There are times when her mother would welcome a good tasering (joke)!

I am not saying I never, ever smacked my children but there were limited occasions and only when they insisted on sticking their fingers in the plug sockets and I considered it safer to smack than let them electrocute themselves. Five of the Six knew the rules and knew that they would face my disappointment if they broke them and, on the whole, that was enough. The last knew the rules and didn't break them but would make life as difficult as possible in every way.

You can be strict and be a disciplinarian without violence, and if you can't - then you've probably created the 'monster' child yourself!

Ugh!

Far too much generalisation in this comment and as for the “Ugh!” I think Ugh to that.

I was smacked as a child and I’m not violent at all. My best friend from childhood and her brother were children of Irish immigrants who really did wallop the pair of them, often with belts etc. Neither class themselves as abused children and both are very laid back and not in the slightest bit violent.

As for social services, they do love an easy option. Criminalise decent parents for smacking a child but do nothing for those poor children being brutalised regularly even when reports from concerned relatives and neighbours are received.

Icanhandthemback- my heart goes to your family. Sometimes the advice is well meant but not always given by an expert
Child Adolescent Psychology or Psychiatry are generally better trained and supervised than staff in children’s services. I’m generalising and apologise for that. I have worked in both organisations
The advice you summarise sounds prescriptive
I don’t appreciate the rejection of possible ND or suggestio considering it is child blaming
Some children are more difficult to bring up than others. Parent blaming especially when parents are looking for support won’t help.

It’s good to see so many posters opposed to physical chastisement

I can say hand on heart I NEVER smacked any of my children and none of my children have ever smacked theirs but then I was never ever smacked as a child

Sorry Tickingbird but whalloping children with a belt IS child abuse whether they want to recognise it as that or not and it is teaching a child that violence is the answer Never ever acceptable and for every child you can say never grew up violent I bet there’s 10 that did because they are being taught that violence against others smaller, is acceptable

pascal30

we also don't know the effect the cannabis had on the child.. I think tasering is too extreme but these young police officers probably haven't had a lot of experience in violent situations.. I would however question why they were carrying a taser gun.. they should have been taught de-escalation procedures as we were in psychiatric hospitals..

If you pop back here, could you explain what de escalation procedures are?

In most cases, judgement depends on circumstances. Parenting should be taught to school kids, including acceptable attitude to authority. The child seems out of control if she is taking cannabis.

When I was ten I was strong and used to handling tools and if I had not had the right attitude I could have been a danger to others.

I wasn't there either, but yes, I would think tasering might not be necessary, but the police have really no alternatives these days were neither we, the parents or the police are allowed to smack a child's bottom!

icanhandthemback I have only two children. I used to say that both read the baby advice books before they were born, one so that he could get everything right, the other to make sure that she knew exactly what to do to cause maximum disruption.

She was never violent, but we tolerated behaviour at home that we made absolutely clear was unacceptable with other people.

Fortunately she was born with tremendous insight into her own condition. By the time she was 20 she had decided she was too uncompromising to ever cope with having children or a partner, she has always needed a lot of time by herself.

She is in her 50s now. She has her own home, a good job, lots of friends, is a wonderful daughter and her niece and nephew love her to bits. But she has her home to retreat to, where she can be happily alone evenings and weekends, as well as working from home, when she can and we know, when we have family holidays to make sure she has a quiet space to retreat to and opportunities to go out without lots of other people surrounding her.

Is she ND? yes, I think so. DS and I are but are problems are easy to label. Like your DGD, we are not sure what shape hers takes

Has your DGC be seen by a child psychologist? We paid for a private referral. This was many decades ago, but we found it really helpful.

It sounds to me as if a full psychological assessment would be of better use to your DGD and her parents, than Social Workers, whose approach to their work is too often framed within their experience of mainly working with seriously dysfunctional families, so that they cannot see beyond that as an explanation for all family problems.

Deescalation in my understandingNamsnanny would be talking the person down just like in a gun hostage situation or a suspected suicide, not tasering them or shooting them or pushing them over the edge

Bluebelle, we are currently looking for a child psychologist which would be acceptable for the LEA and Social Services because they often ignore a diagnosis if they are not their "books". Also, the school say ADHD with ODD, the support worker is starting to think ASD with PDA. Going privately would mean assessing for both which would be thousands; CAHMs have already knocked back the first referral as they are too busy and have worse cases on their books.
My DGD can be the most beautiful and thoughtful souls on the planet but once things go wrong, she loses it completely. Even things she loves get thrown and broken. Nobody in the family is "blaming" her and she is mortified if she knows I know about her activities so I have asked her parents to discuss these things away from her. She doesn't want to be the way she is any more than we want her to struggle.

BlueBelle

Deescalation in my understandingNamsnanny would be talking the person down just like in a gun hostage situation or a suspected suicide, not tasering them or shooting them or pushing them over the edge

Thankyou Bluebelle.. I've been out.. Yes when a violent or psychotic epsisode kicked off using methods like keeping yourself safe with a clear escape route, talking very calmly and essentially listening and not making the situation worse..
This should all have been part of the taser course the police had undergone

Bluebelle de-escalation, an essential skill, which should surely should be used long before a taser is even considered.

A child of 10 can be eased down from confrontation to explaining the problem to putting things down. Regrettably some pokicemen are just trigger happy and, as they say, shoot first, ask questions later. Obviously at times that is necessary, but with a 10 year old girl?

We weren't there, we don't know the full circumstances.

I never imagined my 4 boys getting out of control the knew the boundaries and I kept them busy doing useful things.
Cubs and Scouts helped a lot and they had a lot freedom as long as they were back at mealtimes and I knew where they had been. If it had been girls I would have been stricter but girls are not usually as adventurous.

I don't suppose that you had cannabis sweets hanging around either, Katie59

but girls are not usually as adventurous Oh, mine are