To ask my son for a refund?

Smileless2012

I agree with you Soozikini.

I honestly don't see how going out alone for 6 hours a day could work well for anyone Norah.

Apology. The osteoarthritis bit was after my post and lost before another. I understand, I've had both knees replaced.

Presumably his partner agreed, after all she was invited and her son paid for her ticket.

Nobody I know would extend a 3 week invitation and then after 2 weeks expect their invited guest to find alternative accommodation, because they hadn't gone out for 6 hours every day on their own.

Oh dear indeed.

Smileless2012

Presumably his partner agreed, after all she was invited and her son paid for her ticket.

Nobody I know would extend a 3 week invitation and then after 2 weeks expect their invited guest to find alternative accommodation, because they hadn't gone out for 6 hours every day on their own.

Oh dear indeed.

The missing bit appears to be expecting people who have never met to stay home all day whilst son faffs off to work - not well done him.

I agree with you there Norah, bad planning on the part of her son.

All very awkward, I agree. Lots of possible solutions offered.

When I am staying with someone I sometimes feel I should get out from under their feet and go out for the day, but then it feels as if I am using their home as a hotel. So I haven’t stayed with anyone for more than two nights for a long time now.

When my mother-in-law was alive and more able, we used to go and stay for several days and if we wanted to go anywhere to give her a break ( eg we had friends in the area that we wanted to visit) she was offended and would insist on coming with us!
Sometimes you just can’t win.

Where most of us can visit for 2 or 3 days max then leave, a trip to Australia means a longer stay. Or the extra cost of other accommodation. It’s difficult to go out every day for so many hours especially with health problems.
If Jackk was home alone with the girlfriend most days it’s clearly going to be difficult. I love my best friend but after 4 or 5 days it would start be too much. I would be inclined to keep visits to two weeks max in future.

In the meantime I would hold back on returning for now and hope that they visit you. Once you get to know her better and the baby gets a bit older it may be easier for you all, but hard though it might be, your son does need to be around more than he was in November during your visits. I think I read 4 days, really not enough.
A friend is visiting her new gc fir the first time this weekend. They have booked a small hotel, it’s easy when you don’t have a 25 hour journey to get there.
I wish you well and hope you can resolve this problem.

.

Sorry, not sure where I got the idea your son took 4 days off during your visit, must have mixed that up with another thread
Apologies.

You're right silverlining Jack's has posted on page 2 that her son took 4 days off work during her visit .

Just found your post about the days your son took off. Not going mad. Not yet anyway.

Thanks smileless

Oh dear when we read threads on here with mothers and daughters, who know each other very well, falling out it isn’t surprising that a heavily pregnant girl completely unknown to you was going to have problems. If anybody is at fault it is your son, however, you shouldn’t have bought a ticket yourself to return before you knew how it was going to go. Your son appears to have realised what has happened as he is prevaricating now. See what you can do about changing the length of your visit or wait until baby is older or they can visit you.

Whose idea was to buy the ticket to visit (post-baby) in March, before the first visit (pre-baby) even happened?

I m sorry it was such a disapointment but I wouldn’t dream of going back so soon after your last difficult visit so I d definitly postpone that until the babies older and have a shorter time with them and ask your son to at least take the first week off
I m sure you didn’t do or say anything wrong. I loved my mum in law she was a lovely lady but I would not have known what to do for three weeks like GSM as much as I like people and I am a people person but I m not good for unknown long periods I start to go stir crazy and want to be alone

Oh and please don’t ask your son for money for the ticket that would really put the kibosh on things

You very well may have done nothing wrong, as your son says, but they found the reality of having a houseguest for three weeks to be too much to handle.

I’m an introvert. I don’t do well with houseguests, three days is my limit. Doesn’t matter who it is, I struggle. I need my space, my routine, my down time to not be ‘on’. Waking up with someone extra in the house puts me on edge.

And your son’s gf was heavily pregnant and meeting you for the first time? And alone with you for the majority of the visit?

Ooof.

Think you’re expecting too much. I would leave things alone for the minute.

Oh dear OP. You've fallen into the daughter in law trap haven't you. Even worse, she is a pregnant daughter in law that you'd never met before. Recipe for total disaster. A son is a son until he takes a wife and all that. She is hormonal and sees you as a rival not a help. Three weeks is a long time to stay underfoot with someone, even your nearest and dearest, and you probably did put your foot right in it. It doesn't take much. Unsolicited advice my guess on running a home, bottle feeding instead of breast, what time they got up in the morning or when they ate perhaps?

I can assure you that she won't want you there to help with the baby, that could end in blood shed.

Your son probably knew it wouldn't work but what could he say in all honesty. He either upsets his mother or his pregnant wife. On the other hand, telling you to go out for 6 hours a day was daft.

Personally I would cut my losses and not ask for a refund in any shape or form as I think it will put the tin hat on it.

Flappergirl, I can put my hand on my heart and say that no, I did not offer an ounce of advice, nor did I criticise at all - whether purposely or indirectly.
Thank you everyone for your replies; some of you understood me completely, which was comforting to read.
I shan't be going back in March, and I can't change my flight pathway, so the ticket will be wasted - so if any of you fancy a free ticket to Sydney, via China in March, let me know!
My son usually sends me cash for birthdays and Christmas anyway (although I told him not to this Christmas, that buying my November ticket was enough), so I'll just keep quiet as to what I will be spending future cash gifts on, ie: I had to buy a new washing machine this morning!

Asking for money to cover the cost of your ticket would in my mind be disastrous. You have already spent the money anyway. What does a flexible ticket mean? If you can change the date and length of your stay then that might be the best option. Disappointing not to be able to see the baby when new especially as a new grandmother but if they couldn’t cope with your last stay for three weeks then there’s no way you could stay with them with a new baby. I appreciate that guests for three weeks is not easy but having extended the invitation to you for three weeks they should have been prepared to put up with the situation for the last week. Heavily pregnant women can actually leave the house themselves if they need to - some for work, some to socialise even up to days before birth. That was their error not yours and they seem to have realised that but were wrong in my opinion to ask you to leave especially as you were on your own. Please don’t do anything to fall out with them despite your hurt. Give them some space and hopefully they will welcome you albeit for a shorter visit in future or even come and see you. Good luck!

There is currently a housing crisis in Oz and Perth is one of the most expensive cities in the world. So an Air B&B would not be cheap.

I would not want a guest under my feet for 3 weeks nor would I wish to be a guest for that long.

I feel so sorry for all of you Jake. It sounds as if you all started out with the best of intentions but it was just too much.

I would just go gently and try and mend fences. A miscalculation is nobody's fault.

I can truly feel your sheer disappointment JackK and any of us would be the same I think after being invited and your first visit paid for, you excitedly went ahead with paying for your next visit believing it to be a two way thing you having the sheer joy of your new grandchild and then hopefully having your help

However although you have been reassured that you did nothing wrong it proved too much and too long I don’t know the answer or what I would do I think I d probably find a cheap Airbnb for the first couple of weeks and then see if you can have the third week with them when they ve got a bit more used to the baby and appreciate the help but you would need to talk to them about this and find out exactly what didn’t work for them as it’s unfair to banish you without a full explanation so you can try and put things right
Do you get on with your daughter in law? Is it the first time you ve stayed with them for three weeks,
I think wasting the whole money spent on this new ticket is not good it must have been pricy Can you change it to later on

But you do need an explanation …Mum jane just couldn’t get on with you trotting around after her…Mum Jane really is not keen on you you talk too much … They invited you for three weeks so something must have gone badly wrong although you are oblivious to the reasons and they do need to tell you

Will you ever see your grandchild?
Is it worth wasting your ticket?
Surely you could save up for a b& b even if you only saw her for an hour each day.

I am sorry that you are in this predicament JackK.
In my opinion your decision not to return in March is a wise move. I would be inclined to shelve plans at the moment too.
I am wondering how long your flexible ticket lasts for? If the expiry date is soon perhaps the airline will extend it? Of course you are itching to see your granddaughter but I would sit tight and wait until you feel your son and his partner really want you to visit.
Personally I would prefer to be independant and be accommodated elsewhere ( hotel or whatever) and keep my visit short.
Good luck.

While I’m sure it’s disappointing I can’t imagine expecting to stay in someone’s home for three weeks 24/7 when they’re heavily pregnant, or have a few month old baby. Or ever actually. Perhaps you could save rhe ticket until you can save up for a hotel or air b and b. I certainly wouldn’t ask him to give you any money after the way the first trip went I’m shocked you thought they’d want you coming back to stay in their home like that. This is a clear case of not even attempting to align expectations and as you are the one out the funds it was on you to do so