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Forgotten birthday!

(53 Posts)
lippyqueen Sun 17-Mar-24 10:09:09

I’m trying very hard not to feel too hurt or needy but my son who lives in Australia forgot my birthday yesterday. I’m not sure how to process it. I know he leads a busy life, as do all our grown up children with families and lives of their own, but it feels more and more that my “mother/son” relationship gets pushed to the back of the queue! He has a wife, 2 children and lovely lifestyle in Australia for which I am very pleased but this has been at the expense of a quite distant relationship with me and his sister and family (who live quite close by me). His father passed away many years ago. I know we should all feel very pleased and grateful that our children are happy in their lives but I really wonder sometimes if everything to do with family just becomes a “duty” and a bit of thought might not go amiss.

BlueBelle Sun 17-Mar-24 10:17:43

This is sad for you, but our kids lead busy lives I know my son in NZ loves me and we speak once a week, and I look forward to that He dies always remember my birthday but I do wonder if I d get cards if it wasn’t for his wife 😀
Why not mention it and just say I know you re busy and a long way away but I do miss you remembering my birthday it would mean such a lot to me (or could his sister say it if you don’t want to ) I think sometimes our kids in their busyness don’t realise how much these things mean to us especially when you don’t have regular contact and maybe he just needs a little reminder

Curlywhirly Sun 17-Mar-24 10:31:27

My birthday is the 1st week in January - and occasionally it's forgotten by both friends and family! I'm not all bothered, no one forgets on purpose. I can remember seeing a programme about a mother who'd lost a child to cot death - she said that we shouldn't waste time worrying about inconsequental things, such as someone forgetting your birthday; concentrate on positives instead. A very sad sentiment, but it certainly made me put things in perspective. As I said, no one forgets on purpose.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Mar-24 10:31:40

Of course your relationship with your son is pushed to the back of the queue now that he has a wife and two children. I know that is hard to accept but it’s the way of life and it’s a healthy progression. I liken it to people moving down the line of succession to the throne as further children are born. I am very lucky that my son is good at remembering birthdays but not all men are. Perhaps his sister could say ‘surprised you forgot Mum’s birthday’ - he will probably be mortified. Better coming from her I think. As BlueBelle says, when you’re young and busy you don’t realise how important some things are to older people - it’s something I have only come to realise with age and with time on my hands. Here’s some 💐from me and a belated Happy Birthday.

Calendargirl Sun 17-Mar-24 11:00:53

My DS remembers my birthday, but this year a card was pushed through the letterbox mid-afternoon, and no gift or anything. Not bothered about that, but it would have been nice for him to ring the bell and come in for a chat. (He only lives a few minutes away, but don’t see him often).

I heard the car drive away, he messaged later he assumed I was out. Why? Our car was at home.

I do know that now the GC are older and we are not ‘needed’ like we used to be, we are no longer a priority in their lives.

A bit sad, but true. All busy leading their own lives.

Theexwife Sun 17-Mar-24 11:04:27

Long distance relationships need a lot of time and attention or they do drift, contact brings people to the forefront of your mind, sadly for you your son has not been thinking of you lately.

Belated Happy Birthday flowers

Bridgeit Sun 17-Mar-24 11:26:43

Perhaps allow yourself to feel hurt , you have every right to do so. (I’m sending you a hug)
Then try to focus on something you like to or want to do.
Sadly it seems to be the norm , that we inadvertently get sidelined .
I’m believe they will have a ‘lightbulb’ moment at some stage , & be mortified . Best wishes 💐

25Avalon Sun 17-Mar-24 11:31:15

Some men are notoriously bad at remembering dates. I had a boss who’d buy a birthday card for his wife and forget to take it home! It doesn't mean they don’t love you but it is hurtful.

SheepyIzzy Sun 17-Mar-24 17:18:42

Happy Birthday for yesterday!

Georgesgran Sun 17-Mar-24 17:41:47

I’m not sure if you were expecting a call/face time or just a card and gift?
If it’s the latter, perhaps it’s all ‘in the post’ and a few days late?

flappergirl Sun 17-Mar-24 20:16:44

Happy birthday for yesterday lippyqueen and, may I say, fellow Pisces.

At the risk of sounding old fashioned and sexist, I don't think men are always the best at remembering special occasions. I always remembered my husband's family's birthdays, bought the cards and posted them! I'm not saying it's right but it is far from unusual.

Stillness Sun 17-Mar-24 20:21:53

I have sons, no daughters, and sometimes I think mums of sons often do get the short straw. I know I’m generalising here but even though the love is there, I wonder if there’s the closeness that there seems to be between mums and daughters.
If it had been me, I’d have wanted a phone call or text more than anything else. Sending stuff from Australia can be expensive and a lot of bother but a call costs almost nothing really. If your son usually remembers, perhaps there is something in the post and it’s delayed….but if he (also?) usually contacts you and hasn’t, then maybe he really has forgotten. It’s a hard pill to swallow…and I have no answers. I just know how hurtful it can be at times when your son doesn’t show the affection that you want (and deserve). I hope there’s some better news from him soon,

Harris27 Sun 17-Mar-24 20:28:04

Agree stillness as the mother of three sons.

Hetty58 Sun 17-Mar-24 20:31:09

There are so many birthdays in the year - with our large family - that I'm sure my sons would regularly forget - if they weren't reminded/nagged by my eldest daughter. She reminds me too!

Deedaa Sun 17-Mar-24 20:37:12

My mother forgot my 14th birthday!¬ She didn't realise till all the cards started to arrive. When she hadn't given me anything at breakfast I presumed she had bought something really special and I would have the surprise later! I can't remember what she did rush out and get me now, but she never lived it down.

Tricia2 Sun 17-Mar-24 20:55:03

The kids don't forget anymore, but in the past they’ve gotten so busy and would sometimes forget so if I didnt hear from them I would just call them. I wouldnt say anything about it being my birthday or scold them. I’d rather just have a nice chat and catch up and then let it go.

lippyqueen Sun 17-Mar-24 21:02:58

Hi everyone, thank you for your replies. I was only expecting a call or message. Nothing else. He has obviously forgotten. I won’t be saying anything about it as mentioned by Tricia2 as all I want to do when we speak is have a nice chat and a catch up! I’m over it now anyway! 🤷‍♀️ there’s no point in thinking about it any more.

Purplepixie Mon 18-Mar-24 03:40:54

I am so sorry that he forgot and a big happy birthday from me. It’s always sad when this happens and I would be annoyed and fed up if this happened to me. So far my 2 sons always remember but I have been estranged from my daughter for 9 years plus now and each year I hope for a card or something on my birthday, Mother’s Day and christmas and it never happens. I hope you have a lovely chat when you next speak and forget the whole thing has happened. flowers

Grammaretto Mon 18-Mar-24 04:06:37

I am sorry you feel hurt. I hope you enjoyed your birthday.
I am bad at remembering birthdays and have probably caused hurt.

I have to invite family and friends to a party to be sure they celebrate and have started a trend of moving the date to a day that suits particulaly my DS in NZ.
This year he is coming here in June so I shall be having my birthday party then and hope that the other local families can come.

We have a WhatsApp family chat so no dates are missed.

NotSpaghetti Mon 18-Mar-24 06:24:50

We also have a WhatsApp family chat so no dates are missed - this year I wished my son a "Happy Birthday" a day early! 🙄
I has got the dates wrong but felt very stupid grin

I am sorry you were disappointed but pleased you feel better now.

Sara1954 Mon 18-Mar-24 06:30:08

My son would probably say ‘happy birthday’ when I arrived at work, but if we didn’t work together I’d be lucky to get a text.
There was a time the girls would have got something between them all, and I would buy things for them from him, but he never appreciated our efforts, so we don’t bother anymore.
I’m sure when it hits him that he forgot your birthday he’ll feel bad, but I wouldn’t remind him if it was me.

Astitchintime Mon 18-Mar-24 06:53:28

Happy Birthday for yesterday lippyqueen flowers
And I am pleased you are over it now, although it does sting at the time.

Kate1949 Mon 18-Mar-24 09:22:41

I'm sorry this happened to you. There are always lovely people on here giving reasons why offspring forget. I am not so lovely. There is no excuse for forgetting your mum's birthday.

Cossy Mon 18-Mar-24 09:25:00

Belated birthday greetings! flowerscupcake

Try not to dwell on it, I’m sure he loves you and thinks of you.

It’s hard when our loved ones are so far away and lead such busy lives.

Coolbreeze Mon 18-Mar-24 09:43:46


I'm sorry this happened to you. There are always lovely people on here giving reasons why offspring forget. I am not so lovely. There is no excuse for forgetting your mum's birthday.

I agree with you Kate1949 on that one , mum’s are much to special to “ forget “ .
My late partner very rarely had a Birthday card or even Father’s Day card from his only son who lived few streets away , I don’t know who it hurt more , me or him , and I always used to say there are no excuses for forgetting his dad’s special day .
Strange , but they are quick to make contact when wanting something …