AIBU about meeting halfway?

The grandfather is doing the driving so it is up to him.

If the parents are having a long weekend, presumably including Friday and Monday and the four year old is at school (after school club) is he missing days from school as well?
Is he having a three hour journey on Thursday evening and another one on Sunday evening ready for school on Monday?
Or is this trip planned for half term, in which case why isn't he included in the holiday?

To me, you are being unreasonable and unkind, unless there are factors you have not mentioned, such as not being able to afford the petrol needed, or poor health on your part.

It also bothers me you call her your stepdaughter rather than your daughter. After all, you are married, I presume to her father and consider the child your grandchild, so why is it necessary to tell us all that she is your stepdaughter?
Reminds me uncomfortably of my mother, who had a habit once we were grown up of introducing me to her friends as "my daughter" and my sister as "my adopted daughter". Strictly true, but not kind.

Wow, I never had the luxury of weekends or vacations away from my children! Who does that? Travelling to Spain for just a weekend seems like a lot of stress to begin with, never mind the drop off. Doesn't sound very relaxing. Couldn't they just get a sitter for a night out every now and then? It certainly would be easier on everybody IMHO. Do they ever just come and visit you for the weekend so you can visit with them and the grandson? Or take you to Spain with the family so they can have a sitter while they're there? Family time and rekindling a flame are both important objectives.... but this request seems selfish and unreasonable for parents of young children. It reminds me of the rich kid's summer camp I worked at where the kids felt "dumped" for the summer while their parents went to Europe for the summer. They were so homesick!

Sounds like it may be a problem for you to look after GS in the first place. Parents work these days and have to find adequate child care. Of course, the best can be GP who usually want to do it. Tell her you cannot do it and let him go to other GP as he will likely not be subjected to their views as they are used to seeing him regularly.

Cheeky? A bit. I'm guessing it's because she'll be busy trying to get ready to go away. Suggest she brings him the day before that so she's got the whole day to get sorted before the holiday maybe? Or just do it as a favour and enjoy the car ride ... Not unreasonable, maybe a bit mean though...unless you loathe driving and can't afford the fuel of course.

KatyaStrings - my concern with meeting half way, is what if one of you is late? I always prefer to do a whole trip because of some adverse travel problems when picking up my step son in the past.

I personally would go and pick up my grandson and make a lovely and relaxed day of it.

You are unhappy about quite a few things to do with your grandson. Hopefully they can be resolved.

Do hope that it all works out.

🌷🌷🌷

Yes, she is cheeky asking for a halfway meet to pick GS up. IMO parents who go on holiday without their children are unreasonable, full stop.

You could make an outing of it BUT she is your stepdaughter, jot your daughter, so there's that. Have you got any other pressing engagements for that day? Or is it just that you feel imposed upon? Would you have grumbled had your daughter asked?

But the little boy is going on holiday Norah, just not with his parents. He's going to his DGP.

We do this all the time.

Poor thing. Spending hours in a car.

I've done something similar. Met at a place where an indoor play area was nearby to allow GD (15 months at that time) to run about and for us all to have a bite to eat before starting the journey home. Worked fine both ways.

grandtanteJE65 and others, the OP has explained that her husband is not well and he is the only driver (she doesn't drive).

She is concerned that a 3 hour drive (1½ hours to the meeting place and the same back home) might be too long for him.

KatyaStrings - I think you could suggest a place where he doesn't have to drive quite so far and that you have a break there (as others have suggested).

And then maybe they can collect the little one from you for the return journey.

No you are not being unreasonable at all. They are going on a holiday, it is up to them to sort out where their son is staying and get him there. We all know you will end up doing it but you are perfectly within your rights to feel a tad disgruntled about it.

I’d do it in a heart beat with a condition that we meet up for coffee /lunch for the handover so I get some time with her as well. However- I am only 71 & drive regularly and can afford it . Although if it was financial I would ask for a contribution.
However if the round drive is now beyond you I do think a conversation is necessary so family understand the parameters of asking for support.

German shepherd mum
Why the judgemental post??? It’s every day and is very tiresome

Which post? There are a good many judgmental posts on here.

The daughter is lucky. My kids would have said “we’re coming too”.🤣🤣

grandtanteJE65

To me, you are being unreasonable and unkind, unless there are factors you have not mentioned, such as not being able to afford the petrol needed, or poor health on your part.

It also bothers me you call her your stepdaughter rather than your daughter. After all, you are married, I presume to her father and consider the child your grandchild, so why is it necessary to tell us all that she is your stepdaughter?
Reminds me uncomfortably of my mother, who had a habit once we were grown up of introducing me to her friends as "my daughter" and my sister as "my adopted daughter". Strictly true, but not kind.

Wow! I've never ever been pulled up for calling my stepkids 'my stepkids' before! There's a first time for everything.

I can guarantee, though, that none of our family have a problem with being referred to as a step anything. Husband and I have 3 each but none together. We joined forces when they were between 2 and 8 so we've had plenty of practice.

We are a very close and loving blended family - stepkids and non stepkids all treated equally, so no issues there. But we all introduce each other as 'my stepmum' 'my stepbrother' etc. Never thought of doing it any other way tbh!

That must have been hard for your sister, though. There is definitely an expectation for an adopted child to be treated on a par with their siblings and it must have been hurtful for her to be reminded she was different.

My DM referred to DS's adopted children as "adopted". I winced every time.
Surely stepchildren is much the same? Why do they need a label?

Everyone needs a label.
I wouldnt want to be thought of as some old biddy who enjoys hanging around with teen boys.

I'd rather be "nan".

Ha ha, MissAdventute

Kartush

No you are not being unreasonable at all. They are going on a holiday, it is up to them to sort out where their son is staying and get him there. We all know you will end up doing it but you are perfectly within your rights to feel a tad disgruntled about it.

Likely OP will end up driving, though they really are being selfish. I agree OP is well within her rights to feel disgruntled. I feel disgruntled for the poster and for the grandson.

I can guarantee, though, that none of our family have a problem with being referred to as a step anything. Husband and I have 3 each but none together. We joined forces when they were between 2 and 8 so we've had plenty of practice.

If your children's other parents are still part of their lives, I'd think it was very considerate of you to refer to them as your step-children.

Grammaretto

My DM referred to DS's adopted children as "adopted". I winced every time.
Surely stepchildren is much the same? Why do they need a label?

No, not the same at all. My stepkids lived with their Mum most of the time. My own kids were step-parented at the weekends by my first husband's partner. I would have felt uncomfortable if they had called her 'Mum'. I consider the role of step-parent to be very different to that of a parent. My other co-parents look at it the same way.

We don't see 'stepchildren' or 'stepparent' as labels. They are relationships - and very valuable, beneficial ones at that.