Unsure of how I should be feeling here

Don’t you wonder how things become a tradition?
Yes I do, and in my experience it is because one person says 'we always go to....., spend Christmas here, see the family for..........
I know a couple who have been married for over 60 years, and they always spend Christmas, Easter and bank holidays with her parents and her siblings. The parents are dead, one sibling divorced, the grandchildren married but still the tradition continues; the siblings rotate between their houses, but his siblings are totally excluded; if the adult children want to host their parents in their homes they are ignored, being expected to join the siblings, no compromise. The tradition continues.
Another family were torn between two sets of parents who were implacable about hosting Christmas , so the couple had to agree to spend Christmas with their respective parent, taking one grandchild each. This continued for years until finally the grandchildren rebelled, and still neither set of grandparents would compromise, so they stayed at home alone rather than take it in turns.
Very sad.

eazybee ,

Mm, Thankyou for your response , I have never said to my family ‘ you must or expected them to do certain things ‘
If I have wanted to arrange something generally , I ask each person & will find that it’s a case of others are doing other things as happens in life . Or we choose a date collectively that suits each of us allowing for work, holidays or other commitments.
It actually sounds to me from some of these comments that some people hardly see their families, which is sad , sometimes people are too far away others it just doesn’t happen .
I know of people who have just one child & they never see that one other than an odd few hours fitted in here or there .
Or others who go around as a tribe , doing everything together , shipping each week etc , now that odd to me .
Another ,when asked if she was around for a visit responded by saying that she did this & this & this on that particular day on an alternate weekly basis & it wasn’t me doing the asking .
Knowt as queer as folk 😋

Surely it's not what you 'should' be feeling. It's what you are feeling that matters.

I know of people who have just one child & they never see that one other than an odd few hours fitted in here or there .
Or others who go around as a tribe , doing everything together , shipping each week etc , now that odd to me
Another ,when asked if she was around for a visit responded by saying that she did this & this & this on that particular day on an alternate weekly basis & it wasn’t me doing the asking .
Nowt as queer as folk 😋

Not sure what or why you asking then.

I agree with other posters on here saying it's not going to be the same holiday for the rest of their lives.
Why are you feeling left out and excluded? They are a family in their own right now and obviously want times away with their children without their parents. Sounds completely normal to me.
I think, without being rude, that you sound quite entitled wanting to control your adult children's holidays and expecting to be invited. Now the children are older they obviously want to explore new places and types of holidays.

eazybee

^Don’t you wonder how things become a tradition?^
Yes I do, and in my experience it is because one person says 'we always go to....., spend Christmas here, see the family for..........
I know a couple who have been married for over 60 years, and they always spend Christmas, Easter and bank holidays with her parents and her siblings. The parents are dead, one sibling divorced, the grandchildren married but still the tradition continues; the siblings rotate between their houses, but his siblings are totally excluded; if the adult children want to host their parents in their homes they are ignored, being expected to join the siblings, no compromise. The tradition continues.
Another family were torn between two sets of parents who were implacable about hosting Christmas , so the couple had to agree to spend Christmas with their respective parent, taking one grandchild each. This continued for years until finally the grandchildren rebelled, and still neither set of grandparents would compromise, so they stayed at home alone rather than take it in turns.
Very sad.

I know I have asked a question on here before regarding Ch*&£tmas, and how many of us are doing exactly what they want, and so many of us were not, because of family ‘traditions’.
Sometimes it just takes one person to say they want to ‘do their own thing’, and doesn’t mean they mean any harm to others, or want to make them feel excluded.