Unsure of how I should be feeling here

NanaTuesday Having read through your OP again, and your responses to others’ posts, I can’t help wondering if the root cause of your unhappiness is not the lack of an invitation from your adult children, but resentment at the fact that their father is a frequent house-guest at their homes?
Just a thought, and possibly you’ll tell me to keep them to myself.

My mantra is to never want anyone to do anything that they really don’t want to do. Now your children and grandchildren are older they clearly don’t want to holiday with you and that’s absolutely fine. Would you rather they came, knowing they would rather be with other people? I know I wouldn’t. Accept the status quo and do your own thing.

BlueBelle

NanaTuesday I don’t understand why you are so perplexed

Until last year , I have no idea what /why/how this happened but DDx1 booked a foreign holiday as did DS & we couldn’t match dates, meaning we went ourselves

It was a ‘tradition’ you started, and they went along with it for a few years but now it’s finished they are telling you they want to do their own thing and why ever not Did you take your parents on holiday with you every year I loved my mum and dad very much but they had their holidays, we had ours
Sorry if this sounds rude but you seem to have a Peter Pan idea that the children and grandchildren will always want to holiday with you and it’s just not reality. the grandchildren will all want their own holidays and the parents will want to have their time together not with their parents in tow
You have Christmas birthdays Easter ++ good grief that’s much much more than most of us

Bluebelle, Did you take your parents on holiday with you every year I loved my mum and dad very much but they had their holidays
To answer your question above , No actually I did not , do you want to know why ?
Because at the age of 51 we lost our Mum , had she lived yes we would have done . When you lose a parent at such a young age you realise how precious it is to spend time with those you love . So please don’t ‘ assume ‘ as even by saying “ did you” you are assuming .
My DH on the other hand took his parents with him on many holidays when his DC were younger ( meaning they are now all 40plus) One of these are planning a holiday with us next year , they were happy to suggest & organise .
We have also taken away several times my MIL & partner both long haul & UK ( DH lost his father at the age of 59 )
In fact my DH is doing a holiday with MIL later this year at my suggestion.
So yes ,We are a close knit family & I do not have any issue with them going on holiday , I was as I have said several times over “‘put it” if you like & a little upset at the fact I wrote in my OP , nothing wrong with that.
But I don’t totally agree with some of the responses to this , which is making me out to be some sort of person who ‘ must be in charge ‘
If that’s because I took on the role of Mother to my very young siblings at a very young age myself then so be it , but it is all be out of context to my OP .

janeainsworth

NanaTuesday Having read through your OP again, and your responses to others’ posts, I can’t help wondering if the root cause of your unhappiness is not the lack of an invitation from your adult children, but resentment at the fact that their father is a frequent house-guest at their homes?
Just a thought, and possibly you’ll tell me to keep them to myself.

Janeinsworth

Interesting response if say , it’s weird how you can write something because you feel one way & others see something different .
FYI My ExH and is not the enemy in this it was by way of explanation that it was mentioned

what do you want us to say, OP.
most replies have said much the same thing, to which you object.
AIBU ? yes.
next question.

nanatuesday
it’s weird how you can write something because you feel one way & others see something different
Isn’t it just. But perhaps it’s helpful occasionally to try and see ourselves as others see us and challenge our own mindset.

I brought my son up on my own. Not once have I been invited to holiday with him and his family (children now 7 and 5) and when I visit them (which is very rarely these days) I have to stay in a nearby hotel as "they have no room" ! They only visit me 'en route to somewhere else'. All very hurtful but I'm so used to it by now I try and rise above it and get on with my life!

Your grand children have probably out grown those wee trips I know mine all have so much going on in their personal lives and spend more time with their friends. It won't be long before they will want to stop going on holiday with parents. Just all part of growing up and we have to accept it I'm afraid.

I have 2 children and 6 grandchildren. We've taken all the grandchildren abroad often -the youngest 2, 11 & 12 will be coming with us next week. Every Christmas until covid I catered for all the family here. However the eldest are now 24, 22 and 18 and times have changed. They now all call on Christmas morning for an hour or so and then leave to do their own thing. I don't see as much of them throughout the year, but I don't expect to, as they have their own lives. My husband & I go away a lot and don't usually tell the children until we've booked. We've babysat loads over the years, but aren't needed any more. If either of our children asked us to go away with them, then we'd jump at the chance. In the meantime we fill our lives with other things and look forward to seeing them whenever we can

Baggs

Have you decided how you are feeling about it all, NanaT? Not how you should feel – there are no shoulds in such cases – but how you actually do feel?

Just curious 🙂

Baggs.
Thanks for asking of course I did , which is why I posted .
I felt upset , despite understanding, being understanding & having the grace to accept that things what happens .
Let’s get this straight , we have one parent who never invites , makers arrangements , goes on holiday with someone or in his own . Doesn’t really see his extended family . All his choice .
Both of us attend all “ our family events “ mostly organised by myself or eldest DD . How am I being felt to be in the wrong for being upset . 😢
I am over it actually as it is as it is . However, all these different responses are making me out to be some kind of organisational ogre !
Having to be the one in control .

Helenlouise3

I have 2 children and 6 grandchildren. We've taken all the grandchildren abroad often -the youngest 2, 11 & 12 will be coming with us next week. Every Christmas until covid I catered for all the family here. However the eldest are now 24, 22 and 18 and times have changed. They now all call on Christmas morning for an hour or so and then leave to do their own thing. I don't see as much of them throughout the year, but I don't expect to, as they have their own lives. My husband & I go away a lot and don't usually tell the children until we've booked. We've babysat loads over the years, but aren't needed any more. If either of our children asked us to go away with them, then we'd jump at the chance. In the meantime we fill our lives with other things and look forward to seeing them whenever we can

Exactly , I would also jump at the chance

Helenlouise3

I have 2 children and 6 grandchildren. We've taken all the grandchildren abroad often -the youngest 2, 11 & 12 will be coming with us next week. Every Christmas until covid I catered for all the family here. However the eldest are now 24, 22 and 18 and times have changed. They now all call on Christmas morning for an hour or so and then leave to do their own thing. I don't see as much of them throughout the year, but I don't expect to, as they have their own lives. My husband & I go away a lot and don't usually tell the children until we've booked. We've babysat loads over the years, but aren't needed any more. If either of our children asked us to go away with them, then we'd jump at the chance. In the meantime we fill our lives with other things and look forward to seeing them whenever we can

I feel the same apart from going away with them now, no interest at all. We've taken them all over the world, it's our time.

NanaTuesday, I hope you come to a happy conclusion. I do find it sad when other people feel unhappy.

Sorry how upset you feel but at least you spent many happy holidays with your GC. During Covid we didn’t see our GC or family for three years. It’s a blessing when we do see them which is just once a year when they fly over from across the world. I know that they are heavily involved with their other grandparents who live nearby to them but nothing we can do. I’m happy because they arrive tomorrow for a couple of lovely weeks together. Just get on with things not worth being upset.

I'm glad you are beginning to feel over it, NanaT. I hope the feeling of upset fades. All the best.

Twig14
Have an absolutely amazing time with them making lots of memories .
Thank you for your kind words

Baggs
Thank you for your kindness

Hi
Is there a post on Gransnet somewhere that explains all the initials please. DD DH DC GC etc

There is somewhere, I believe.
It's not expected that you use them, though.

Usually the word "dear" put in front of whoever it is you're referring to dh = dear husband.

That kind of thing.

Nanig

Hi
Is there a post on Gransnet somewhere that explains all the initials please. DD DH DC GC etc

Just scroll to the top of the page. Under the blue words "Gransnet Forums" there is a list of headings. Click on "Acronyms" and there is an explanation for each of them.

You seem to have set what you view as a family tradition, doesn't mean all were enamored with it. They may have gone along as it was convenient. As others have said, some family traditions are nightmares but are tolerated. Some in your group have grown up, others circumstances may have changed eg more or less money, want to see other areas of the world. Let them go, develop your own new tradition.

It never occurred to me to be invited by family. Each family group does their own thing. What we all do is take lots of photos to share around and talk about what we did. I think we went on one holiday as a big group which wasn't particularly good but not particularly bad. It was just that we were all different with various ideas and have kept it all separate every since and it's worked out well.

eazybee

I think most people take their children, grandchildren on holiday because they want to, not to set up a family tradition that will continue and be reciprocal.

eazybee

Don’t you wonder how things become a tradition?
Anyway , just saying , I’ll let you all point your criticisms elsewhere

Looking at the way you answer people on here, I don't think I'd want to spend a holiday every year with you! I am sure you're a lovely person in real life but on this post, you have asked the question AIBU and when people suggest why it might be, you sound offended. The only people you aren't snippy with are those who are very sympathetic. I'm not saying this to be nasty but maybe a bit of self reflection could ensure that you aren't unintentionally giving the same message to your children.

Baggs

Have you decided how you are feeling about it all, NanaT? Not how you should feel – there are no shoulds in such cases – but how you actually do feel?

Just curious 🙂

Good response/question.

It is easy to forget we aren't all the same.

People forget they aren't obliged to post on a threa.

Quote icanhandthemback
I don’t expect to have a holiday with my family every year , I was explaining that by saying what I thought .
And isn’t the whole point of this particular place to be able to ask opinions of others & ,that does not mean I have to like/ love the responses .
Also of course I will prefer the ones that are more ‘understanding’ of my OP ,that’s just the way it is .
I love that there is a general thing of not wanting to be on holiday with me ,isn’t that grand , I may go & pour a G&T , the sun must be over the yard arm somewhere 🤪