Family not coming for xmas

We took turn about going to my parents one year then his the next. 400miles or 200miles and all I really wanted was to be at home with my children over Christmas. I vowed never to inflict this on my own grandchildren. This year it is just the two of us due to dh chemo treatment. We may even have christmas dinner a few days early so he feels as well as possible. Pointless getting upset over a day quite frankly!

Looks like you have sound advice Nana. Please just deal with it and don't put your DD and SIL in a difficult position. It's not about Christmas Day or Boxing Day it is about love and understanding.

If something as small as this makes you feel upset, you must live a charmed life. These sort of problems, and much worse occur in most families. What most families do is swallow hard and find a fix. As others have suggested a Christmas Eve visit, or even make a big day of New Years day.

Anyway children the age of your DGC are inundated with toys. On Christmas day your presnets to your DGC will just be caught up in a jumble of other toys, make a big day of the New Year with the children getting your toys, after the novelty of all the new toys has worn off and they will really enjoy having more toys and with nothing to distract them will appreciate them more.

When my children were young we never spent Christmas day with my parents. They had my sisters with them and sometimes an aunt and DH, so there was nowhere for us to sleep. DH;s parents always stayed with us. He was an only child and they did not drive. But every year we all got together on Boxing day, at one house or the other and my parents had all the pleasure of seeing the children unwrap the presents they had chosen.

We only see our grandchildren on Christmas day every other year. Otherwise we do not see them until the 27th or 28th.

Why are you so unkind and carping about your sil's parents disabilities. If someone has carers, they will need them, the Council will nto pay unless the hneed for caraers is high and those paying for themselves, unless millionaires, need to consider the cost, which is not cheap.

And as for booking somewhere to eat. It can be done on a phone. Phones can be operated quite successfully while chair, or even bed bound.

It's just one day, suck it up.

She is supposed to be incapable of doing anything and has carers. Miraculously
she gas somehow booked dinner for all of them on boxing day.

Ouch!
Maybe one of her carers has kindly phoned the restaurant and booked the table for them all on her behalf? How lovely 😊

We took turn about going to my parents one year then his the next. 400miles or 200miles and all I really wanted was to be at home with my children over Christmas.

We did stay at home, but invited my parents or my in-laws to ours in turn.

One year when I looked back at the event I realised I hadn't seen any of my three children open a single present.
I'd been stuck in the kitchen, making everyone cups of tea and getting food ready.

The following year I flatly refused to invite anyone, I insisted it be just myself, my husband and our children at home by ourselves.
It didn't go down well... 🙄

However, she told me by text that they're not coming on Boxing Day.
They s going to MIL.

You do realise that you are MIL too?
You are MIL to your SIL.
the grandchildren have two Grandmothers, whose mother that is will be irrelevant to them, especially at their age.

Can you arrange another date when they can come to you?

I'd guess it's fairly common to switch holidays with in-laws.

We've our 4 daughters and their family round on an Advent Sunday for Christmas meal. Each family alone as we are too many for a decent meal in one space. Works quite well, they select their Sunday and desired meal.

Every family is different, your family is doing what makes them happy.

Perhaps attempt finding joy your family have others to love them!

I m afraid it’s coming across as a bit mean to the other gran invite them for New Year and give them their presents then at 2 and 4 they won’t have a clue what day is what and they ll be thrilled to get new presents a few days later Then next year do it the other way round if the pour incapable gran is still around

‘Poor’ not ‘pour’ silly auto correct

Then next year do it the other way round if the pour incapable gran is still around

I didn't like to ask if this might be the other Granny's last Christmas.

Like others I'd invite them for Christmas Eve supper.
We see many of our family on Christmas Eve - as many as can make it.

Thinking of you.

Luminance

There is nothing especially special about days with a name. We are what make them special, we bring the magic to days like Christmas. So have your decorations up and cook a wonderful meal for your family on a different day and make it magical!

Absolutely agree with this.

Not knowing any of Nana56 's family circumstances make it difficult to make any suggestions really. It's quite important for the future though to suck up the disappointment, get on with planning your own special day and a special day when you see the GC. Let your DD know you love them all and hope they have a happy time. Just as you can have a happy day when you see your DD, S-i-L and GC.

Smileless2012

The OP says they are spending Boxing day with her m.i.l. TopGunner, not her s's.i.l.'s parents so presumably she lives alone.

I was asking if Nana56 lived alone not asking if her daughter's mother in law lived alone.

I do think you have misread my post.

Yes I know TopGunner. You posted that if you lived alone and your D and family were spending Boxing day with her husband's parents, you would be as mad as a hatter. I was pointing out that as the OP referred only to her D's m.i.l., it appears that she lives alone.

Obviously we have to share. The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered.

TopGunner from this post I think Nana56 is not on her own.

Norah what a really lovely idea!

TopGunner

Smileless2012

The OP says they are spending Boxing day with her m.i.l. TopGunner, not her s's.i.l.'s parents so presumably she lives alone.

I was asking if Nana56 lived alone not asking if her daughter's mother in law lived alone.

I do think you have misread my post.

Nana56 referred to we, TopGunner:
The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered
so we can presume she does not live alone.
MIL does live alone and needs carers.

V3ra

^Obviously we have to share. The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered.^

TopGunner from this post I think Nana56 is not on her own.

I apologise, I didn't see the other post from Nana56 post lower down the forum. Perhaps when people post on here they could give all the facts at the beginning as it starts to be lost in translation lower down the other posts when they keep adding bits on.

Okay, Nana56 is not on her own so I agree with many of the other posters on here, that Nana56 should be grateful that she has someone to spend Christmas with and be happy that she has a kind daughter and son in law who is going to spend Christmas with a lonely old lady rather than leave her alone.

TopGunner
On Mumsnet all the OP's posts are highlighted in a different colour so you can see if the OP has posted any updates.

Why can't we have that facility.
And an edit button.

My AC and DGC all live a plane ride away.
Last time I spent Christmas with my DCG was 2009, when they still lived in same village as me
My daughter came over last Christmas, first time in 10 years. It was wonderful
I totally understand they have their own lives in England, it's a nightmare travelling at Christmas, they want to be in their own homes.
Before my 2nd marriage I spent more than one Christmas on my own, I didn't expect my AC to change their plans and either come to me or invite me to theirs.
We don't have children to care for us in our later years or entertain us at Christmas. I blame all the soppy Christmas TV adverts.
One of my Grandson's visited in January some years ago and we had a wonderful Christmas weekend in the middle of January with full Christmas dinner, presents, games etc. We all had a great time
No reason OP can't celebrate with her family a different day

I understand how you feel Nana. However, i do think you will feel better about it nearer the time. Christmas is such an emotional time due to the pressure put on us to be 'happy families'. The TV adverts and media in general. Just arrange another day to spend together during the week. The children will behave like it is Christmas Day again. You will have a lovely day! Trust me you will feel less upset and cross in a few more days time.

As Christmas Day and Boxing Day are midweek this year why not invite them to you on the following Saturday or Sunday and have an extended Christmas. I hope they enjoy their time with the other gran but parting a 2 and 4 year old from their toys to go to a restaurant wouldn’t be my idea of fun.
Believe me over the years you will have to learn to go with the flow or you will be miserable

Agree with above. Christmas Eve would be a lovely time to see them and give them presents. For the children it would be part of the build up to the excitement of Christmas morning.

Allira

TopGunner
On Mumsnet all the OP's posts are highlighted in a different colour so you can see if the OP has posted any updates.

Why can't we have that facility.
And an edit button.

Better still, if posters tell us the whole story instead of the bare minimum when first posting, then perhaps we could reply to it knowing the full details instead of them telling us the bare minimum and then start adding extra information lower down the posts. We reply to that original post on the details we were first given by the poster.

Nana 56, in her first posting, never mentioned if she lived alone or had a husband/partner which then made my reply to her post totally wrong as I thought she lived alone so I did feel sorry for her but knowing she had a husband/partner would have made all the difference in the world to my first reply.

I know I am knew to this forum but it is frustrating when you answer a post only to find later on that there was so much information missing which would have altered our first reply.