Family not coming for xmas

mabon......you make me laugh!

Why do people ( women) put themsleves through this?

Jeanathome

*mabon*......you make me laugh!

Why do people ( women) put themsleves through this?

Well, I do it because I enjoy it so much. I am not and never have been a Christmas martyr.

Jeanathome

*mabon*......you make me laugh!

Why do people ( women) put themsleves through this?

We 'put ourselves through' in small doses. Only one family (of 4), numbering 16 to 22, per meal. Advent Sundays, each only 2 to 3 hours - done and dusted.

TopGunner don't beat yourself up about missing the details in a previous post. I remembered reading the earlier reference to "we" but even so I had to search quite closely to find it again!
Welcome to Gransnet 😊

And of course if we always read the whole thread we might pick more up.
I usually read the whole thing but occasionally I'll post having only skimmed through it.

We're staying at home and just having Dad to ours for Christmas Day.

Two of our three adult children have good reasons for preferring to stay at home this year, which works better for us anyway.

Just the third one to discuss with, but we'll most likely meet them for a pub meal near their home.

My husband and I are flying to Spain on the 27th for New Year, so I don't really want leftovers, a houseful or overnight guests! 😎

Seems mean to talk about your DD's MIL in this mean way.

We share a small part of Xmas day on FaceTime with our grand children when we don’t get to see them.
It’s great watching their faces as they open gifts and seeing them excited. Just a few minutes in the morning wishing each other a merry Xmas. I don’t mind what my adult children choose to do as when my children were small I hated being expected to visit people and never doing what we really wanted. See if you can FaceTime for a few minutes and celebrate another day.

We have spent Christmas Day with our son and his family a few times. When we went to their house our DIL family went there also they take turns in each others houses. It was very nice and we enjoyed the day we all get on very well. We have been to our daughters to spend the day with her family and stayed overnight.

The last two years they all made their own arrangements and we stayed at home. At first I felt quite sad at the prospect of being on our own but it turned out really nice. We had our breakfast I did all the prep for our dinner veg wise our meat was cooked. We walked to the village pub had a few drinks met people we had not seen for ages. Walked back home and had our dinner when we felt like no worries. It was so enjoyable we did what we wanted rather than travelling and fitting into others timetables. Our son and daughter visited us before and after Christmas day when they wanted it suited us all.

Oh the emotional baggage of Christmas!
As it falls midweek, if Christmas Eve is out of the question, I would invite them for the Sunday before and have a family “party” that you can all enjoy.
Agree to do it the other way round next year.

We have had this issue as my eldest child is divorced and his ex has always insisted she has the children on Christmas Day. We had them once before Christmas, did presents on Christmas Eve morning as the children were being collected later that day. Never did it this way again as it just upset me for the actual Christmas Day a feeling compounded when the ex posted 'wonderful' (sarcastic tone) photos of the best Christmas ever of them all + new partner on Facebook!
After that I decided we'd do it our way, so FC still comes to ours on Christmas Eve, leaves the presents under the tree, we Facetime to let them know he's been; then we have our family Christmas Day on the 27th and the kids and our eldest stay over. Its our tradition now and it works well!
I decided that its only a date after all, me and 'Im indoors' have a quiet Christmas Day pleasing ourselves as to what we do, eat, watch etc- relax on Boxing Day while getting sorted for the fun and mayhem to come the following day
Good Luck and hope you get something sorted which suits everyone. Not easy I know.

Christmas is a season and the one day is not the end of it.

I want to give DD all gifts for xmas day, but DD thinks anytime over the festivities. I think she is right. Hopefully you can organise a day to see them and share your presents and see the GC opening them. She is no doubt under pressure from all sides and if you can help by going with the flow and being positive then that would be best and I am sure she would appreciate and remember that.

It might help to try not to make this about a competition with the "other" grandparents - that will not help. If you are able to be positive about a visit on another day then hopefully that will make you feel better and be the right thing for all the family.

Make "your" day with them a jolly day that they will al remember happily.

I know I'm being silly - you are not being silly, you are feeling what you are feeling, as we all do, and wisely ranting here rather than causing a family rift! - well done!

Enjoy planning some treats for the day when you see them.

When my rowdy lot say they won't be turning-up I breathe a big sigh of relief! I love them but they're all ruddy mad. 🙃

Nana56 has this thread helped you come to a happy compromise with your family?
I do hope so🎄

Will you be alone at Christmas Nana56? I can understand how you may feel hurt by this but the other grandmother deserves to see her family too. I think Christmas causes a lot of upset in some families and it's best to see it as just another day and you can celebrate another time.
Wish them a happy time and make arrangements to see them another day. Don't make your DD feel bad that they are going to her mils.

V3ra

TopGunner don't beat yourself up about missing the details in a previous post. I remembered reading the earlier reference to "we" but even so I had to search quite closely to find it again!
Welcome to Gransnet 😊

Thank you, that is kind. I have started to read the whole thread before posting my comments then find the original posted has added another post after mine which explains the original post more clearly but it is then too late because I have replied to the post not knowing the full facts.

Please posters, give all the details at the beginning so you will get the correct reply and advice.

I always say our grandchildren, our daughters, our home even though my husband is dead because they are our grandchildren etc. so it does not mean that when someone says our or we that they have a husband or partner.

Posters starting a thread more often than not give more information as the thread goes on, especially if it's about something personal TopGunner.

It's constantly being requested for the OP's subsequent posts to be highlighted but we haven't got that yet. It would certainly be helpful especially when threads have been running for sometime.

My Grandma always hosted a Christmas lunch on the Sunday before Christmas Day. That meant that her children could have Christmas Day at home with their own families. There was never any acrimony or arguments about whose turn it was to have the family. I do hope you can find a solution. As others suggest, perhaps Christmas Eve might be the answer for this year. Remember, the children are this ladies grandchildren as well as yours.

Of course you could look on the bright side……

Can you invite them over on Christmas Eve, maybe on the afternoon, and do a small Christmas themed spread and have a Christmas movie planned to make it special?