Entitled or is it just me, a generational thing maybe.

When my daughter's best friend was having her 1st baby I wanted to buy a little something. I asked my daughter if she had any idea what was needed and she said she would show me THE LIST!!! Well, times have most certainly changed since my eldest was born in 1972. This list was so detailed about certain brand of clothing and the fancy equipment requested was very costly and beyond what I was prepared to pay. I wasn't being held to ransom so in the end I took a card with £10 inside to the extravagant baby shower.

My son was born a few days before Xmas. We left present giving up to the givers! It really wasnt a major problem for him

Maybe it depends what you can afford? Obviously babies (from whatever background) don't care if they get presents from Harrods or Home Bargains, and don't much care what they wear either, so long as they are warm and dry.

But if a mum is on a tight budget, getting a dozen rattles when she needs vests could really matter, and if the people buying the presents can't afford to waste money on unwanted gifts they might prefer to know what would be really useful, both for their own benefit and that of the mother (and the baby, who probably couldn't care less ).

At the other end of the budget, I agree that lists with brands and so on (for weddings, birthdays or whatever) can be grabby, and don't like being asked to give money for any type of gift, but if people want things that match their decor and are less likely to use gifted ones that clash, it makes sense to say what they already have and what will go with it - the same could apply for a nursery as a kitchen. Wouldn't someone spending £££ on a present prefer to get something that will be used?

Well, we've been asked to give money if we want to give a gift for a forthcoming wedding.

I was a Christmas baby ,too. Over the years you just get used to only having one present and when you get older it is actually a relief because you acquire too much stuff. A one year old wouldn’t know the difference anyway.

I have a January birthday, my father used to give me a token “half birthday” present in July

Tch! Some 'friend'.

It could be a generational thing though not all would be like this. I have 2 very different types of DIL’s. One that doesn’t seem to like or appreciate what we buy for GS, regardless of the money I spend. Never get a thank you even for her birthday gifts, It always seems she isn’t happy. the other is grateful for everything that I do, not necessarily in financial terms either. I look at it that the 1st DIL is hard work, is that what is called high maintenance? Likes to live a ‘rich’ life but doesn’t have the money to go with it. Not appreciative, or grateful & all those things that go with it. I remember being grateful as a child for all that I had, and in bringing up my own children that they appreciated everything they had. I look forward to being with the easy - going DIL,

I’m a Christmas birthday ( 28th) and I used to get “Happy Xmas and birthday “ presents , I can remember being upset as a child. But my parents , nor I as an adult would never have dreamt of putting in a DEMAND!
DH and children however do wrap my bday presents in birthday paper, not Xmas paper!

My birthday is 6 weeks after Christmas (an absolute eternity to a child) and I still was given joint presents by some aunts. Eventually I realised my joint present was no more special than my siblings' single present, and felt quite hurt. My son born a week before Christmas never had joint presents, I suppose people are reluctant to put "Happy Christmas too!" on a birthday gift.
In our family now it's hoping the twins get individual birthday cards not one between them. Larger toys eg slides or trampolines are given as a joint birthday or Christmas present and they're very happy with that.

*joint as in a shared gift them for the occasion.

I think the friend in the OP has been tactless in her approach, but I do understand the wanting to mark her baby's birthday as a separate occasion to Christmas. Perhaps she has witnessed the sadness felt by someone who always received joint presents?

I think the way she has phrased it is rude but I also think a child with a birthday in December should definitely get two presents (with appropriate wrapping paper) . You would buy two presents if their birthday was any other month of the year

My daughter’s birthday is on Christmas Day BUT last year I was told not to give either Christmas or Birthday presents because the year before, on Christmas Day, my granddaughter died and my daughter felt unable to celebrate Christmas or Birthday anymore. They cannot bear to be at home over this time so for the second year they are going away. I do understand how she feels but hope in time, like me, she will come to terms with the fact that Christmas and Birthdays happen. This year I am allowed to give her a birthday present, so I will just spend double my usual budget.

Mygrandson told me that they want everyone to ask them what they would like as gifts for baby. He, his partner and baby visited when the baby was 5 weeks old. I had bought lots of pieces for me great grandson together with a substantial sum of money put in an envelope. They did not have the courtesy to open the bag with the clothes gifts but said "It's OK on this occasion about the clothes , but in future you need to ask what we would like" I had also bought nappies, baby wipes, bath lotion etc. They did not open the envelope of cash either They went on their way without a "thank you.". I will buy baby a Christmas gift but never again gifts for grandson and partner. This was about 6 weeks ago, still haven't had a "thank you". He is so different from my other the grandsons. When they come to visit with their little ones I give them a fiver to put away for the great grandchildren, they always say "Are you sure you can afford it".

A cousin was born on Christmas Day and his parents decided to celebrate his half birthdays instead, ie 25th June every year.
It worked very well, to the point that he still celebrates half birthdays. He will be sixty-nine and a half next summer!!

I don't demand either, Cid34. What you say about separate paper is what I was getting at earlier. It shows that your birthday is being recognised as your day, the same as if it fell in July.

As for gratitude, this comes up a lot on here. I do think that people should say thank you for a present, regardless of its suitability, but I wouldn't be grateful for a dinosaur onesie, for instance, however much the giver might want me to be, even if she'd knitted it herself out of laceweight yarn or spun gold. I would appreciate the thought (although I would wonder at what made them think I would want one), and absolutely I would thank them for it, but it would never get worn, regardless of how much money had been spent.

Much of the pleasure of presents (giving and receiving) is in knowing that what you've bought is something that shows how well you know the recipient and what they would like. It's not about expecting people to like what you like, or be grateful for the fact that you've bought them 'something' even when it is entirely unsuitable.

Nansypansy

My daughter’s birthday is on Christmas Day BUT last year I was told not to give either Christmas or Birthday presents because the year before, on Christmas Day, my granddaughter died and my daughter felt unable to celebrate Christmas or Birthday anymore. They cannot bear to be at home over this time so for the second year they are going away. I do understand how she feels but hope in time, like me, she will come to terms with the fact that Christmas and Birthdays happen. This year I am allowed to give her a birthday present, so I will just spend double my usual budget.

Oh what a sad story. I'm so sorry for your loss, and your daughter must be devastated.

I would have been horrified if my daughter had done this! My grandaughter is 3 next month my daughter has never said anything like this. She would have had choice words from me if she had done.

Nansypansy I’m so sorry for the loss in your family. Christmas time always heightens emotions and your loss is such a big one x

My birthday is in June. As a child I got a
New bike for one birthday. It was both a birthday and Christmas present from my parents and grandparents as we never got anything as big as a bike for one occasion. I actually feel sorry for kids these days, I think they must get mental indigestion with all this consumerism.

When I was at school, my best friend had a
Christmas birthday and her mum always threw her a party just before the schools broke up for summer. She had her presents is July and the birthday was ignored unless it was a special one (13 , 18 and so on).

It was when I first went out with my now husband, he stated that although his birthday is Christmas Eve, he did not want joint presents. I think it’s fair as when a child he always had joint presents.
Perhaps the mum didn’t want to start setting a president.

My DD2 was born on December 28th and most people gave her two presents, appropriately wrapped. My late MiL used to give her two presents usually, but the birthday present was always bought in the sales, and often damaged! As DD2 grew up the presents were often combined.

If we hadn’t seen family over Christmas, we always invited them over to celebrate the birthday, with cake etc.