Entitled or is it just me, a generational thing maybe.

My birthday is 21 December so I was somebody who as a child would receive one present and be told “it’s for birthday and Christmas”! It used to infuriate my mother who in turn would have to buy their child 2 presents!
Christmas decorations were never put up until after my birthday either.
I can’t believe anyone though would be so rude as to send out instructions on what and how to gift a one year old!!

My birthday is in April and DH’s is in August. My mil always gave us a join present on his birthday !

I think the "friend" is a CF. In your DD's shoes, I would be cutting the friend right out of my social circle. My birthday is 17th January and I frequently got joint presents, or stuff bought cheaply in the January sales, before sales became a monthly thing. They were twice a year, January and July. And they were proper sales with huge reductions. Not like this Black Friday rubbish, which, like lots of evil things, we seem to have inherited from the USA!

My sisters birthday is 3 days before Christmas and we always buy her 2 lots of presents…because its unfair when she has to buy all of us separate presents…I dont know what my parents did when she was younger but when she was old enough to understand they made sure she got the two lots…

I think the "friend" is a CF

Christmas Fairy?

The practice of issuing lists of suitable children’s presents, distributed around our family circle, appals me and fortunately is only done by one particular person, who I consider to be totally ignorant and lacking any kind of manners or social graces!!!! We were issued with her preferences for this years Christmas presents last September!!! And last week, we were all issued with a “date for our diary” which was for the same baby’s 2 nd birthday lunch, next June!!!! This will be held in the local pub (like last year) and her reason for the early warning was because so many missed the occasion last year “due to holidays etc!!!” Truth be told, Most of us missed it to avoid the obnoxious mother and the very unsavoury venue and will do so next year too. - at least, I definitely will, just like I ignore her gift list!!!

My birthday is close to Christmas (21st). I feel to send a message requesting two separate gifts is very presumptuos and uncalled for. I would politely decline the invitation and send one gift for her birthday. The child is only one! and even if she/he were older, it's still extremely bad manners. I never expected any presents for birthday/christmas, but was grateful for what i did receive. I will say my husband of 43 years as always been very careful of treating my birthday as a separate event, not because of anything i have ever conveyed to him, but that's just who he is.
Today's young people, live by different standards, I'm finding.

If she had known it was arrogant she would not have done it.

I hope your daughter does not feel too resentful to continue the friendship.

Nansypansy

My daughter’s birthday is on Christmas Day BUT last year I was told not to give either Christmas or Birthday presents because the year before, on Christmas Day, my granddaughter died and my daughter felt unable to celebrate Christmas or Birthday anymore. They cannot bear to be at home over this time so for the second year they are going away. I do understand how she feels but hope in time, like me, she will come to terms with the fact that Christmas and Birthdays happen. This year I am allowed to give her a birthday present, so I will just spend double my usual budget.

I was very close to my gran and as a child I could never understand how this really fun woman who didn't have lots of money but managed to make everything special never saw us at Christmas. When I was a bit older my mother explained her baby brother had died at Christmas and gran never celebrated it again. She never did till her dying day. 364 days a year she was such fun, she just needed that day. She always bought us presents.

Doodledog

theworriedwell

Doodledog did you ever get a combined present because you wanted or they thought a big ticket item would be nice. I do remember school friends doing the annual thing but I also remember mine wanting a computer and nearly 50 years ago that was too much for us to spend on a single present so that year it was a joint present. If it works like that I think it can also be positive even if it is sometimes far from positive.

As a teenager I could sometimes get a new coat or similar 'big ticket item' as a combined present, which was fine; but young children don't understand costs, and getting one selection box or Ludo game with 'and your birthday' on the gift tag doesn't cut it. It still doesn't when friends give joint gifts, and I get them separate birthday and Christmas presents.

My children are now adults, and will sometimes ask for a joint present when they need an expensive household item. Their birthdays are in Spring though, and I would never let them go by without something to open, even if I'd pushed the boat out at Christmas. Presents shouldn't just be transactional, IMO. They show that the day is important as a celebration that the recipient is alive. The value is far less important than being remembered and appreciated.

Yes sometimes the joint present can be good but it does have to be special. I don't think it caused much angst with my kids as I also have one with a birthday in late November and 2 with early January birthdays so they all went a long time between presents so the Christmas one did seem that different.

November, December and January were crippling for me, still are really and now I have a Christmas Eve GC and a DIL with a January birthday. We are all celebrated out by the end of January.

MissAdventure

I could tell you I think the friend is a rude cow, but I'm not sure how well that would be received.
So I won't.

What MissAdventure said and more! OMG. I’m lost for words (that are not offensive). She would not be getting any presents from me. I would most certainly withdraw the friendship card too. Cheeky mare.

Allira

theworriedwell

Doodledog did you ever get a combined present because you wanted or they thought a big ticket item would be nice. I do remember school friends doing the annual thing but I also remember mine wanting a computer and nearly 50 years ago that was too much for us to spend on a single present so that year it was a joint present. If it works like that I think it can also be positive even if it is sometimes far from positive.

So if a child has a birthday in June and wanted a computer for Christmas, would you say in June "Sorry, Joe, there's no birthday present because you had a computer last Christmas?".

Well I haven't got any summer babies, mine are November, December and January. They never just got one thing so one main present and maybe chocolate/toiletries or something so I suppose they'd get that or maybe the computer would be a joint present from us and grandparents rather than joint Christmas and birthday. One thing they wouldn't get is a bigger budget than the one with the Christmas birthday.

KaazaK

My birthday is 21 December so I was somebody who as a child would receive one present and be told “it’s for birthday and Christmas”! It used to infuriate my mother who in turn would have to buy their child 2 presents!
Christmas decorations were never put up until after my birthday either.
I can’t believe anyone though would be so rude as to send out instructions on what and how to gift a one year old!!

Surely they were suggestions not instructions.

I mean the presents were suggestions, wouldn't worry me as I would hate to get something people already have, such a waste.

theworriedwell

Allira

theworriedwell

Doodledog did you ever get a combined present because you wanted or they thought a big ticket item would be nice. I do remember school friends doing the annual thing but I also remember mine wanting a computer and nearly 50 years ago that was too much for us to spend on a single present so that year it was a joint present. If it works like that I think it can also be positive even if it is sometimes far from positive.

So if a child has a birthday in June and wanted a computer for Christmas, would you say in June "Sorry, Joe, there's no birthday present because you had a computer last Christmas?".

Well I haven't got any summer babies, mine are November, December and January. They never just got one thing so one main present and maybe chocolate/toiletries or something so I suppose they'd get that or maybe the computer would be a joint present from us and grandparents rather than joint Christmas and birthday. One thing they wouldn't get is a bigger budget than the one with the Christmas birthday.

No, I agree. I've always tried to spend the same amount on mine, whatever their income now too, and the DGC too

When they are old enough to want/need something more expensive, then putting something in the 'fund' for it is a good idea.

I replied quickly having read the OP’s post and the first reply by MissAdventure which I agreed with.

My answer to your question Shoulddobetta is yes, certainly entitled and definitely ignorant as hell. Who does she think she is 🤔. What a way to treat friends, or anyone.

Well it s rather cheeky.

I would never have done it.

on no account .... isn't a suggestion it's an order instruction.

I'm 60 and my twin daughters will be 32 on boxing day . We've always treated both events separately and so have our family. Personally I wouldn't dream of messaging a friend with such a request, but I do agree, lots of people very entitled today

We'd need the actual wording of the message. If she said you can only buy something from the list it's an instruction if she said these would be suitable it's a suggestion.

Mine and my Grandads birthday are on boxing day. He told the family you better get the child 2 presents. Someone just once fave him 1 present for both and he told them in no uncertain terms that his birthday was July 12th as far as they were concerned. The next year he asked that particular person were his present was on July 12th. They never did it to him again.

Our DGD was born a few days after Christmas and I always buy her two separate gifts, she is now a teenager and if she asked for something that was more expensive than her present limit than I would combine but only if she asked. My husband and I have our birthdays two apart and one year somebody gave us a joint card... I was peeved to say the least... we are two people, so a card each, please. I would treat twins/ triplets as separate people because they are.
As for a gift list for a one year old, that is a bit entitled, sometimes our children got duplicates, we coped with it and so did they.

I just wonder how many friends/family have been invited and can't get over the fact this is all for a 1yr old child! Nightmare!!! This would appear to be a grand occasion which will be not be remembered by the babies and I would say the mother is definitely entitled. Our Christmas week baby didn't have her first party for friends till she was three when she started nursery and could tell us who she wanted at "her" party. Up until then birthday gatherings were for family and close friends and definitely no instructions about what to bring!

Anyone that gives a joint birthday/Christmas gift is thoughtless and unkind
Assuming any friend might be so thoughtless and unkind, and spelling out what to give for birthday/Christmas is rude

I wouldn't recommend a Christmas selection box for a one year old!

I can't imagine it would be allowed.