I expect the daughter will have had the grandparents removed from the emergency contact list after this episode Macadia.
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(162 Posts)I put this on mumsnet and they said it would be better here.
My daughter is a single parent (no biological dad in the picture) and has 2 kids 14 and 8. She has a partner who is nice but travels for work a lot and they don’t live together. I’m down as an emergency contact at school for both kids.
Last week me and husband were on a little mid week holiday/getaway, but we ended up closer to her than we usually are. We live 2 hours away normally. We are both retired but have had some stress and medical issues recently and really needed a break.
School phoned me to say they couldn’t get hold of her but GS 14 had an accident at sport and potentially had a broken ankle. It wasn’t broken in the end but he was in pain.
I texted her and called her but she didn’t answer (WhatsApp were unread) but it’s because she works in the medical field and they are not allowed personal phones on them.
I phoned her work to say she had to go and pick him up but couldn’t speak to her, so just left a message.
when she phoned back she asked if I could as her to drive from work to school would take at least an hour. She said she would come to A&E and meet me there if I could get him from school. Her childminder took the youngest.
At the time I was about 20 miles as the bird flies from him but they are bad roads and me and DH had dinner reservations for that night which we were looking forward to, so I said I couldn’t.
He had already had a pint at lunch so I would have had to and I’m not a confident driver.
She is now being quiet and distant and has cancelled our Easter plans with the children.
While my friends generally say that they understand why I didn’t go my other daughter was a bit shocked and said I should have and she understands why she’s cancelled Easter.
Other info - my husband is a homebody (he’s not her bio dad) but they usually get along well. He prefers not to go to her when she needs childcare, as it’s much easier when they come to us. The reason they were visiting at Easter was that she only has paid leave for one week, so by cancelling this she’s cutting off her nose to spite her face a bit.
Am I being unreasonable here?
BlessedArt
As a clinician I couldn’t disagree more. A possible fracture is always a potential limb-threatening situation clinically speaking. Bone marrow leakage, infection, hematomas, travelling clots are all possible, and the risk level should be decided by trained medical professionals aided by imaging. It’s an emergency without a doubt.
Is bone marrow leakage one of the things that send someone into shock when a bone is broken?
Sorry, your poor grandson lost his father when he was 1, and then one of his remaining close family wouldn’t go to him when he had an accident and his mother couldn’t go, and you are wondering why she’s cross with you??? Seriously???
It can if the injury isn’t dealt with in a timely manner.
Sorry, that post was to Baggs
You say you’re ringing her “to find out why” but you know why. She feels you let her down. I think the main problem here is a total breakdown in communication, on everyone’s part. Two hours away is too far to be an emergency contact so that needs to be addressed. But imho your first move is to apologise, to your daughter and your DGS. Even if you do think she’s being petty, be the bigger person. I don’t agree with what you did or with your trying to justify it but it’s done and it’s time to move on, your daughter is your daughter so please don’t let this come between you.
This is not a decision I would have made but I think it is relevant that the child in question was 14. This means that the mother has had time to build a network of support, of which grandparents may or may not be part. Throughout my Ds childhoods we lived nearly 300 miles away from my parents and over 450 miles away from PiL. There was no way they could help in an emergency and I had to build a network of friends who could step in if necessary. Thankfully it didn't ever happen for anything serious but I stepped in for other friends in similar situations. My DD with 2 children (9 & 5) lives nearly 2 hours away and I did step in for emergencies when they were very small (even though I was working - I found ways to get there to help) but she now has friends and neighbours close by who have helped out more recently although not needed for anything serious thankfully. Perhaps the OP always was the default contact when she lived nearer but it's easy to forget that arrangements that have been in place for so long need to be reviewed. It's also easy to forget how quickly situations change & a child that has never needed help may suddenly do so. I often think of the dr in the introduction to 24hrs in A&E who says "No-one wakes up and thinks I am going to go to A&E today". It is so difficult to prepare for future emergencies that we have no idea about but I think this family have learned lessons for the future (especially from the challenging responses given to the OP) and perhaps the child's mother is feeling guilty, helpless and stressed and is lashing out at the one person she can - just like she perhaps did when she was growing up.
Blimey OP! If you are not bothered what your daughters or grandchildren think, why are you keen to ask a bunch of strangers what they think?
JaneJudge
am I the only one who has read that they were ON HOLIDAY
Yes. But only 20 miles away and it wasn't going to take all night!
I would have gone
Knittingacat
This is not a decision I would have made but I think it is relevant that the child in question was 14. This means that the mother has had time to build a network of support, of which grandparents may or may not be part. Throughout my Ds childhoods we lived nearly 300 miles away from my parents and over 450 miles away from PiL. There was no way they could help in an emergency and I had to build a network of friends who could step in if necessary. Thankfully it didn't ever happen for anything serious but I stepped in for other friends in similar situations. My DD with 2 children (9 & 5) lives nearly 2 hours away and I did step in for emergencies when they were very small (even though I was working - I found ways to get there to help) but she now has friends and neighbours close by who have helped out more recently although not needed for anything serious thankfully. Perhaps the OP always was the default contact when she lived nearer but it's easy to forget that arrangements that have been in place for so long need to be reviewed. It's also easy to forget how quickly situations change & a child that has never needed help may suddenly do so. I often think of the dr in the introduction to 24hrs in A&E who says "No-one wakes up and thinks I am going to go to A&E today". It is so difficult to prepare for future emergencies that we have no idea about but I think this family have learned lessons for the future (especially from the challenging responses given to the OP) and perhaps the child's mother is feeling guilty, helpless and stressed and is lashing out at the one person she can - just like she perhaps did when she was growing up.
I think the OP has learnt that her mother couldn't go the extra mile for her when she asked for help ...bit sad that
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