Feeling annoyed today.

Is your ex a people pleaser?

I think the only way to stop your ex is to know what is driving him to do so[excuse the pun].

How odd as he has his own car. Is there a bus service which would take him? It's a lot to just assume that a neighbour will drive 20 miles. Does he offer to pay for petrol? Next time I would say ' Sorry I can't manage it today. Have you given up driving? There's a bus at the end of the road.'

He had a good reason to say no as he was at your house but chose not to. Maybe he likes doing it.

Is your ex a door-mat?

Seriously though, if being at the beck and call of this chap is causing stress, he’s got to start and say no.
He had the perfect opportunity today, by saying he couldn’t help as he was out and about himself?

Maybe it’s a symbiotic thing - your ex needs to feel wanted and helpful, while the other chap is the recipient of your ex’s good deeds?

Not much you can do really. Does your son live with his dad?
It may be frustrating but your ex is free to do what he wants.

If your son is concerned then you can support your son in making his choices but I would leave ex well alone.

Hard to know. I think he had told him he would drop the parcel off next time he was passing the other town.He wasn't going to go there today.If it was me I wouldn't answer the phone so quickly.

It's up to your ex to make sure he is not so readily available. Not answering the phone would be a start or if he does then he's busy doing something else. The neighbour would get the message eventually.

My son has told me this man asks him for lifts all the time and his dad doesn't like to refuse.Its stressing him.

I think all this is the key bit.

He doesnt like to refuse

Why?
He likes the man?
He feels he owes him favours?
The other man is bullying him?
Your ex is a people pleaser?[even by that standard, there may be something else going on as well].

Your ex is getting stressed.
Maybe not your problem to get to the bottom of it.
But hopefully your son may want to.

That's your ex's issue

Nothing you can do

Metra

How odd as he has his own car. Is there a bus service which would take him? It's a lot to just assume that a neighbour will drive 20 miles. Does he offer to pay for petrol? Next time I would say ' Sorry I can't manage it today. Have you given up driving? There's a bus at the end of the road.'

😄 good advice.
This guy is saving himself the petrol, what a nerve!

He is a bully and had no self awareness. He came to my dad's funeral even though he'd never met him and talked through the speech. I had to shush him.

Sounds like your ex could be frightened of him.

Kircubbin - I’m amazed that you have a good relationship with your ex. I also admire you for that

Tell him to get a ring doorbell & don’t answer the door or phone.

crazyH

Kircubbin - I’m amazed that you have a good relationship with your ex. I also admire you for that

It's only started since his girlfriend died.

If your ex is accepting money for driving this neighbour (I know you didn't mention this) he needs to be careful as his insurance could be invalidated.

Is the neighbour blackmailing him?

He's not accepting money or being blackmailed. He's let this man take advantage and is too polite to refuse.

I must say I think it's rude to answer the phone while he is having coffee with you and even more rude to leave you mid coffee to attend to some annoying neighbour.
He needs guidelines and boundaries. .

That's why he's an ex!

He’s a people pleaser is all, by the sound of it.If you’ve already raised questions about it with him then no more you can do.
Unfortunately some people are only too happy to take advantage of others.

It’s easy / he need to stop answering the phone to him and tell him he cannot give lifts anymore as it’s messing up his days.

That has to stop. I have had a similar experience with a woman in the next street. I used to consider her a friend till I realised how she was using me. I have gradually withdrawn the amount of time I spend with her.

Perhaps your ex could just tell this person that he's too busy to help. And keep saying it.

He said he was busy yesterday so the man got a lift with someone else. His wife doesn't like him driving.