Depression - what would you do.

I’m looking for help / insight / wisdom…. Please be kind this is coming from a place of good but would love another perspective ☺️

My MIL is a lovely woman. Retired early in her late 50’s and had always been very keen and invested to have grandchildren.

I am the only DIL, she has 3 DS only one married.

MIL has struggled with anxiety & depression for as long as I’ve known her. On medication but outside of that doesn’t utilise any outside influence , exercise , friendships , hobbies ,‘baking etc etc.

I am really worried for her and her small non existent circle outside of her DH who in general is grumpy & always very awkward in general and doesn’t want to do any social activities without extreme persuasion. While he has always been like this MIL has always loved funerals and gatherings and likes to hear all about peoples news. I assumed even in sad circumstances the social interaction was a welcomed distraction.

Over the years I try as the DIL to include her in all things child related , pictures , visits & lots of healthy inclusion. I am conscious that the GC are a life line .

When we have had any baby sitting / child minding arrangements over the years (we are 15 mins drive away) I have either paid or given a voucher for activities or an event , Christmas holiday vouchers etc and have paid for family trips to include them , I do this purely because we have the means to do it and I don’t want any financial burden of being able to enjoy some life activities , I don’t have any GP and I know how important it is for the kids to have another blanket of love in their life too.

Since retiring the depression has become worse. Life is lived through the news and Facebook. Even though financially there is no huge pot of cash, there are pensions and other financial means to have social life & activities, I’ve also gained access to grants that are applicable based on age to maximise a small state pension.

It’s now to the point where I get texts about the kids at 3pm in the day after just waking up, this pattern has been ongoing for years, up all night absorbing everyone’s news and worrying then unable to sleep , the pattern repeats , I’ve had depression so I know the depths it can drag you too , I’m certainly not unsympathetic - what I do see is no “life” nothing to actually make MIL tired, or having any enjoyment from life, during the day which is mostly spent in bed , a large amount of time online absorbing a lot of social media , commenting on every kid picture and relaying stories about the neighbours / aunties / dogs kids in an extreme level of minute detail , bur completely disconnected with what’s happening around her , with no actually activity, no friends, no contact with most people , doesn’t have any hobbies, although equally talented and creative , everything is seen view the world of the “news” Facebook and deep anxiety.

They are exhausted from staying up all night and repeating the cycle , I’ve tried for many years , anything to get a little bit of activity into the regime, paid for OAP exercise programs, small manageable day trips for fresh air , holiday abroad in the sunshine,
Mini breaks that they didn’t get as a child
- all with the kids (not for babysitting for us to have family memories) and keep the energy for her happy place, she enjoys these and in most cases fully paid for so there is no financial strain.

This weekend the anxiety was very high due to DH having a bad day in work, any life event big or small has the same impact - back to bed, 3 days of no sleep, exhaustion and repeat.

I really feel sorry for her. It’s like her best years are being swallowed , no outlet , no life , no enjoyment in all the things she speaks about (from Facebook ) on paper everything is what she wanted grandkids , independence , healthy etc but I know the reality is very different. We’ve reccomend therapy, other meds , alternative therapy while she has tried some alternatives the end results is still the same. 12 years later.

My DH has given up , we have had many interventions, he know tried to maintain his own MH in tact, but I still worry for her and find it so sad that everything she wanted she has but the mind set takes over.

Should I just leave it ? Or should I try other tactics to help ? I might be totally unbearable too so open to know what might help if anyone has been in a similar scenario. ☺️

I care very deeply for her and find it difficult to watch her life slip away while still able physically and mentally to enjoy the best years.

Posted on other thread but I have lost it so please excuse the duplication.