Friends who "disappear" ;

In your position Jampanda I would have to ask them to explain what was wrong.
From daily contact for 8 years down to nothing, there must be something specific that happened whilst you were way.

Why not send them a new message saying "hello" since we last chatted we've been doing x y z.
Hope you have been enjoying a b c.

Thinking of you.
X

Just enough to say hello.
Not enough to need a reply?

I had a close friend for 18 years. I was invited to holiday with friends for 1 month in Spain . I also invited my dear friend . All had our own rooms . From day one my friend disliked another friend and it got worse . She caused arguments and upsets . She became so different to the person I once knew . We all tolerated her to the best of our good nature's. I've not had contact for 7 years now . I did see her one day and she apologised for her behaviour . I forgave her and walked away .

My feeling is to let things run their course, your friends know how to contact you if they wish to, if they havent in six weeks that speaks volumes. As I have got older
I just tend to think ‘whatever’ and backing off from being too intense, which I think I have been, (not suggesting you have) seems to have brought me more friends than ever before.

I have also decided its best to holiday with family, husband and sometimes adult children.

Such close contact daily!. Was there a bit more to this foursome and someone woke up to it??
Excuse my suspicious mind.

This is our 69 yr old MM. My partner still races it at SantaPod.

MayBee70

In my youth my ex and I used to drive round Europe every summer in a Morris 1000 Traveller. One year two friends came with us ( how we all fitted in with our camping gear is beyond me). I think we reached the point of wanting to throttle each other. Not helped by the fact that we were driving around in a car that, by modern standards, had no brakes. Not sure how the friendship survived, but it did.

This is our 69 year old. My partner still races it at SantaPod.

I have never been on holiday with a friend but I have friends who have and it has often had a bad ending one in particular has never ever spoken since Sometimes friends are best as just friends not ‘all in together’
You say a long cruise, what’s a long cruise a month maybe? maybe too long together, and afterwards they realised that didnt need this daily contact and have put a wedge in

Accept you are not the close,n close buddies you thought you were and move on

GN tech playing up again.

My husband and I had a two week holiday by ourselves in May, now that felt weird as we always go with friends or family 😂

However, whoever we go with, in a mixed group we don't spend all day every day together.

Some like playing golf, some like watching football, some like walking, some like watersports, some like sightseeing, some like shopping.

When we meet up for dinner there's always plenty to talk about.

Jampanda I think I'd let things lie for now, then suggest a meal out somewhere with your friends on neutral ground. Maybe a new restaurant you've been meaning to try?
I don't think in-depth analysis of *what's gone wrong " would be particularly helpful.

We have had various holidays with various friends. One thing we always make sure of is that nobody thinks everyone always has to do the same thing at the same time.
Never fallen out .
I do think daily contact is a bit too much.

Thanks for all your comments, as I said previously we have backed off and have had no contact in the last six weeks. We actually came back from the cruise over 11 weeks ago. It was a long cruise 5 weeks, Hubby and I had booked first when our friends decided to come with us. We definitely didn't spend much time together onboard as we all like to do different things, we mainly met up for meals and days ashore as they weren't confident to go ashore on their own. As I mentioned that we were all ill at the end of the trip, no idea what it was- some awful virus. I was actually the worst and ended up with pneumonia. Our friends helped us get home and we haven't seen anything of them since, and only had very basic contact for the first few weeks. We can't pinpoint anything that actually happened on the cruise that could have caused a problem, only that they seemed to become disappointed and grumpy but we put that down to being poorly.

I'd leave it. Maybe a Xmas card and even a postcard from some day out. Just to say hello.

I wonder if they felt they were becoming a foursome rather than a couple, daily WhatsApps could be seen as intrusive. I am sure you didn’t do anything wrong but illness obviously made them upset with themselves and you. A Christmas card or birthday card if you have always sent them seems the way to go if you don’t just want to leave it.

Over some forty or more years we shared holidays with two sets of friends plus various children at different times and found it very successful as long as we split up different ways over the two weeks. Sadly I am the sole survivor but have such good memories of those times.

If you are worried about them, I suggest you phone them. Texting isn't the same. Just a quick call to see if they are well.
Imagine they are languishing with illness or depression.
If they don't answer, then leave a short message to remind them you care.

We went on holiday with some particular friends a few years back. It was our worst holiday, ever. The woman was controlling, domineering and quite rude. A different person to the one I knew and liked. We no longer see them.

It's also possible that the sickness tainted the whole experience.

A quick phone call as Grammaretto suggests is a good idea.

Jampanda

Thanks for all your comments, as I said previously we have backed off and have had no contact in the last six weeks. We actually came back from the cruise over 11 weeks ago. It was a long cruise 5 weeks, Hubby and I had booked first when our friends decided to come with us. We definitely didn't spend much time together onboard as we all like to do different things, we mainly met up for meals and days ashore as they weren't confident to go ashore on their own. As I mentioned that we were all ill at the end of the trip, no idea what it was- some awful virus. I was actually the worst and ended up with pneumonia. Our friends helped us get home and we haven't seen anything of them since, and only had very basic contact for the first few weeks. We can't pinpoint anything that actually happened on the cruise that could have caused a problem, only that they seemed to become disappointed and grumpy but we put that down to being poorly.

Obviously there's a reason why this couple now feel 'claustrophobic' about daily chats which presumably they once were happy to engage with.

I think you have to accept that you might never know the reason though.

It could be something said or done during the cruise, or it could be that the daily chats have now become onerous - or both.

Whatever the reason, the ball is in their court.

It may be that the cruise didn't turn out the way they'd hoped - and the nasty germ or virus you all caught obviously didn't help matters. Whatever the reason for the cooling off I don't think it's worthwhile going over the details in your head, sometimes these things are too nuanced to decipher. It could, for example, be that some remark made by you or your DH upset them (or one of them) - something you won't even remember; on the other hand, it might just as easily be a general feeling of disappointment with the holiday. And nothing really to do with you.

Being told that your regular chats make them feel claustrophobic is something of a mild shock. I've never experienced similar, but, I have felt the pressure from a friend who became too 'full-on' and told her so. The real reason I couldn't cope with it though was nothing to do with her - it was just that there was too much going on in my own life at the time, and any outside pressure made me feel 'claustrophobic'.

... so it might even not be a reflection on you, is what I'm suggesting!

A couple of posters have suggested that you 'phone them, to make sure they are OK. Unless they are a couple without family or other friends, I'd not recommend it - if the chats are making them feel claustrophobic, then a 'phone call will just add to the feeling of being pressurised.

In your position, I'd send a really brief message telling that you quite understand, and wish them well. One sentence, nothing more.

Then it's up to them to respond - or not.

What does your husband want to do about it?

This is a difficult one to experience. I know it has left you feeling confused and somewhat hurt, perhaps. I don't want to put words in your mouth.

There are those who enjoy a good chat daily, those who like one weekly, and still others who seem to be happy to keep to themselves.

Regardless of which one they are, what is most important, it seems, is that these are "not your people." I know that sounds trite, but it may be true.

One thing time has taught me, after many experiences with feeling hurt and sometimes even rejected, is that I no longer wish to chase those who do not want to be in my world, or don't really want me to be in their world.

We just are not all meant to be the same, and I am learning that is OK. When you do find your "people", 'tis a thing of beauty and something to be cherished.

I wish you the very best and I hope you can see that this is their decision and all about who they are, not who you are. It sounds like your crowd is out there just waiting for you to find them. I I hope you find them and have a brilliant time.

I've been on holiday with one of my friends many times over the past 20 years, we get along like a house on fire, we would go every year but our circumstances have changed. We go walking with each other most days of the week too.

MissRedd
What a very thoughtful and kind response to the poster.
I will remember these thoughts if I ever feel rejected or hurt by others.

Agree 100% with Dickens.

I agree with MissRedd.
If you appear to be running after them that could put them off and, from personal experience where I fell out with a former friend, they'll never tell you the truth about the reason for not wanting to hear from you anymore.
I know it's hurtful to be treated that way but you just have to accept that they are no longer friends and move on.