Is what I have done so very wrong?.

ExDancer

Is she expecting you to ferry her daughter to and from school in September? She'll have to get over herself by then.

Oh yes!😄

Gifts are for giving freely! It was just a gesture. You've done nothing wrong. You've said you're sorry and that should be the end of it. Hopefully your daughter will get over it.

I don't think there's any value in trying to second guess why she reacted like she did, or fretting over her state of mind. It's simply an overreaction.

Re the apology - I have a friend who says sometimes you're sorry you've said or done something, for example in this case because it's caused a hooha, but that doesn't mean you're apologising because you think that what you did was wrong It always makes me smile.

You've done nothing wrong! Honestly, I despair of the next generation, some of them take offence so easily at the least little thing, and use their parents as punching bags. Talk about over-reaction!

Thanks to all.as it really was an very intense reaction.
She is very much of the mindset mentioned by Sarnia, in that her grandad and I have ro be so careful of the way we speak around her.
And we are very current in our thinking, yet frequently reprimanded for words we use.

Hence me.tjinking it's a generational thing.

Perhaps daughter needs something more pressing to worry about.

How rude.

Agree with Grandma Batty and she may think that school is her territory, but her reaction is extraordinary.
Suggest don’t refer to it again, will surely blow over.

I’m sorry, but your daughter needs to give her head a wobble.
Her reaction has been totally over the top, uncalled for and frankly, rude.
I wonder how she’ll be behaving towards you nearer to September? Possibly be busy the first couple of weeks, maybe go on holiday - it’s less expensive in terms of time, and let her sort herself out for a bit. It might help her realise what an ungrateful madam she has been.
I don’t think it’s a generational thing at all, I think it’s a rude thing.

Term time, not terms of time. (Predictive text, wish there was an edit button).

It's like walking on egg shells wih this generation.
It was very thoughful of you.

I think u did a very kind thing and I myself would’ve done the same

OP - that was a very nice thing to do. I wish I did the same when I was doing school runs for my grandchildren. Had I done so, I don’t think my daughter would have been upset with me. As someone asked - do you think it’s PND - my daughter had a few grumpy days during that time.
Don’t worry , she’ll soon come round. She needs you 😂

I think she sees it as you taking over her position which she is missing….. the school gate days ……but I totally see where you’re coming from you were the one having daily contact, so why not, she’s probably a bit sad that she has to get someone else to do the school run when she’d really like to be the full on mum stuff I can see it from both sides
I d try and forget about it

you,ve cared for your grandchild and took her back and forth to preschool, and instead of being greatful she's making you feel as if you've done something wrong, which you haven't
It may be that she's feeling stressed and thinks it should be her instead of you giving a gift, What you did was a nice gesture, don't worry about it ,your daughter will come round

You haven't done anything wrong, it was a lovely thing to do.

Your daughter was completely over reacting. Leave her be for a bit to cool off and see sense.

Anyway my daughter is furious won't speak to me, says I have overstepped the mark.. crossed boundaries etc , she is so angry with me saying it's not my place to say thanks as I'm not the parent It's ruined my weekend,.she wants space from me now

Give her space. I imagine she'll come around.

I see it as massive over reaction.

Which it is.

You say she has a new baby, perhaps her hormones are all over the place!

Retread

Re the apology - I have a friend who says sometimes you're sorry you've said or done something, for example in this case because it's caused a hooha, but that doesn't mean you're apologising because you think that what you did was wrong It always makes me smile.

A politician's apology might be in order.

"I'm sorry if it caused you upset".

Eat the biscuits yourself next time.

Reminds me of my DD's tantrums when she was 5 and didn't get exactly what she wanted because I wasn't a mind reader.

Maybe when she starts speaking to you again (and she will because she wants your help) explain that you were giving a gift not as a mother but as someone who had seen how hard the teachers worked and wanted to show your appreciation.

Totally agree with witzend. Your daughter's reaction was ridiculous, to go off the deep end for something so trivial.

In the circumstances I would be very unwilling to do anymore childcare, once your daughter asks again just because with someone acting so OTT over something so small, you would be walking on eggs, always wondering what else you might inadvertently do that could set her off again.

Oh the joys of parenthood, they never end! I would have done the same as you. Good luck and try not to worry.

Good grief! I'm with witzend and marmight. The fact that she won't speak to you/"wants space" means she really knows she's in the wrong.

Pantglas's comment made me chuckle too.

Maybe it's just new baby and family stresses emotionality and really has nothing to do with you at all. Don't take it personally 💐

You have taken your gc 4 days every week, that’s an huge commitment, and wanted to thank them for their care of the children. I don’t see anything wrong with what you did, you knew the staff well and you did a kind and thoughtful thing.
Please don’t beat yourself up about it.

I feel angry on your behalf OP, I wish I’d had my mother’s help when my two were little. Her reaction is so unappreciative.
I’d be tempted to say “You’re on your own mate” if asked for further help.

As for committing to school runs in September, it’s always better to start low than jump in with 2, 3 or 4 days, because it’s easier to add a day and they be grateful later than to reduce one and they be angry.
One day a week is a good start.