Is what I have done so very wrong?.

I am not tech in any way but that’s how it reads to me

You did absolutely nothing wrong! I think it was lovely of you to give the staff a thank you gift. (A box of biscuits is always a welcomed gift by teachers.). After all, you were taking and collecting your grand-daughter to/from school!

A massive overreaction from your daughter.

I wonder if said mother shows appreciation to her mother for stepping in with all the toing and froing? Part of me suspects that maybe not.

I just don't understand why some people don't think you can hold two feelings as once -
e.g deep and sincere gratitude
AND
deep frustration and annoyance.

Why is it one or the other?
Why can't somebody appreciate someone and be annoyed at the same time?

Your daughter has totally overreacted in my opinion. I am 69 and my daughter is 38. If I did this at my granddaughter’s nursery, my daughter would just say ‘that’s nice’ and move on. Why such a big fuss? You are a wonderful grandmother, picking up and dropping off for two years. She should be more grateful. Of course you have got to know the staff after that time, I think it was very kind of you.

You are a lovely gran to do what you have been doing for your grandchild and a lovely mum to help your daughter out.
Giving biccies and a card is just what I would expect somebody nice like you to do.
Am sure the staff really appreciated it.
I think your daughter is being unreasonable though not sure why. I don’t think is generational inasmuch as we gave a box of chocs to the staff at my grandsons nursery when they were really understanding and got the children to make a big get well soon card for said grandson when he had surgery at GOSH and of course his parents were too rushed off their feet to think about it. My daughter and her husband thanked us profusely, as did the staff.

It's almost as if your daughter is treating you like the hired-help / 'domestic' where you are there simply to do a job and not mix socially with those with whom you come into contact.

You built up a relationship with the pre-school staff in your own right, as grandparent - as it was your grand daughter's last day, you won't be seeing them again. Why on earth should you not be allowed to spontaneously give a small gift to those people you've got to know over two years? You are part of the child's family.

I don't understand why your daughter is so angry at such a simple, low-key, civilised gesture.

As for needing space from you - that's melodramatic.

It seems like one of those "no good deed will go unpunished" situations. They do say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions!

When your daughter has recovered, ask her why she was so offended by your gesture.

"As for needing space from you - that's melodramatic"
She would get space from me alright. No more childcare from me, I am sick of adult children behaving like diva's and being so ungrateful.

Personally, I’m not sure I’d have done that but honestly, where’s the harm…..you’ve done nothing wrong at all. It’s a lovely gesture and the staff will appreciate it I’m sure. What I think has happened is that (tut tut) you’ve stepped outside the ‘box’ that she puts you in. All she wants is for you to help her out and I believe she doesn’t want to acknowledge the personal impact that help has on you or face up to the fact that you are doing childcare that is traditionally thought of perhaps as a parental role. Perhaps that makes her feel guilty, jealous…I don’t know….but your action acknowledges that you do take an important role in the childcare. I would not back down. I would explain how you feel. I know I’ve been harsh but I think this goes on too much. Parents working to gain two salaries which (and I know it’s not always the case) gives them disposable income and a more than comfortable lifestyle, whilst grandparents are treated as little more than ‘staff’. Stand your ground,

It sounds like your gesture came from a kind and sincere place, and it’s unfortunate it caused hurt. You’ve acknowledged her feelings and apologized, which shows maturity and love. It may be partly a generational or sensitivity difference, but emotions can run high around parenting roles. Give her the space she’s asked for, and hopefully with time she’ll see your intentions were good.

You realise with hindsight you shouldn’t have done this. I am sure your daughter will accept your apology and you can move on.

SuperNana57

You realise with hindsight you shouldn’t have done this. I am sure your daughter will accept your apology and you can move on.

Why shouldn’t she have ?
The OP had a lengthy relationship with staff.
Her daughter is throwing an unnecessary wobbly, why cause such upset

Your daughter is being absolutely ridiculous. If my mum had done it, I’d think it was lovely. All this talk of boundaries is nonsense. She really needs to get over herself.

She’s seriously annoyed that you’ve done something nice for someone?

I wonder if the OPs daughter has graciously forgiven her daughter now she has need of childminding services again?

For heaven's sake, hasn't your daughter got better things to do with her time than bear a grudge against you? What about all the help you have given her – four days a week over two years is a lot of your time. How about your daughter shows some gratitude instead of getting territorial? Of course you have done nothing wrong. What you did was an act of kindness and generosity.