Husband moody the whole time.

Good grief! That’s sounds EXACTLY like my situation at home! My DH is 70, I’m 67 and have widespread osteo arthritis and fibromyalgia making sex quite painful and have tried other positions.

My husband can get quite grumpy and sulky if we go for more than 10 days with sex, he too see cuddles and affection as “fore play”

It’s sad, annoying and selfish, in my opinion.

I have no advice, I’ve tried talking to him, it’s like a brick wall, after over 30 years I would have thought he’d know the difference between “love” and “sex” but it seems to him they are one and the same?

You have all my empathy

I have to add that in many other ways my DH is so lovely! The “act” of certainly doesn’t last an hour (thank goodness) and that we do appear to love each other!

I'm sorry Cossy, but I don't understand how any man who goes into a mood because he can't have as much sex as he likes knowing that his wife finds sex quite painful, can be so lovely.

It's nothing short of physical, mental and emotional abuse 😡.

For a practical compromise why don't you initiate the sex session at a time and frequency of your own choosing, and also learn how to conclude it sooner.

Also perhaps try to get him to come without penetration, or minimal penetration.

Cossy

I have to add that in many other ways my DH is so lovely! The “act” of certainly doesn’t last an hour (thank goodness) and that we do appear to love each other!

Cossy he is not lovely about sex though is he! I agree with Smileless because I cannot see how his totally selfish, inconsiderate and demanding behaviour regarding sex can be separated from the rest of his "lovely"personality.

Oh dear.... oh dear. I am so sad and uncomfortable reading about your experience Ginpin. I divorced my ex husband 30 years ago; he had a similar focus expecting sex on a daily basis whether or not I was in the mood, and whether or not I had recently given brith, was breast feeding, a parent had died unexpectedly or just plain tired. This, and a realisation our marriage/relationship was predominantly about satisfying his needs and wishes- I got divorced.

I then learned sex could be so much more and so much better with an understanding man. Now a post menopausal woman, decreased oestrogen levels etc, vaginal dryness being an issue to be managed on occasion- it's more important than ever to have an understanding, loving partner. Being blunt- you don't have one.

The thought of my ex husband at my age now "going on for an hour before he will let me go" is making me feel disorientated and uncomfortable. Without seeking to be over the top- this sounds to me like you're being violated Ginpin. You deserve to be treated with respect at the very least. There should never be any pain or discomfort. You should always be a willing and consenting partner. The sulks are just selfish childish, acting out behaviours to coerce you. At the first sign of any pain or discomfort (physical or emotional) you need to say stop and your husband needs to stop. Full stop!

This doesn't sound like a happy marriage for you. Not my place to say or make judgements. I went to Relate all those years ago- first few sessions with my ex husband. Then he dropped out ( you don't need to go as a couple). I continued on my own and that helped me respect myself and gave me the confidence to start divorce proceedings. I'm not saying you should get divorced but to help develop your boundaries and sense of "self with needs of your own" in the marriage might be worth considering? Take care 💐

Mt61

He sounds rather selfish to me. Can’t he he just be satisfied with a ‘J Arthur’?
I couldn’t bare to be with someone like him.

Does he now? The same could be said about his wife.

She has gone along with her husband's wishes for 47 years, apparently without enjoying it, and only complains now?

The time to discuss their different approach to sex was somewhere around 47 years ago.

Admittedly, this lady did not have a bad back and joint pains then, at least I hope not, but it seems that even as a newly married woman she wasn't enjoying herself.

Well, we are all different. I would have complained bitterly if my husband had only wanted to make love to me once a fortnight!

AuntieE 15.40- 'The time to discuss their different approach to sex was somewhere around 47 years ago........Well, we are all different. I would have complained bitterly if my husband had only wanted to make love to me once a fortnight!"

A bit harsh AuntieE? Who knows how often sex/making love took place for this couple over the years- the poster is talking about twice fortnightly now and the problems she is facing now at 68 years old, in her current health. A husband that "only wants to make love once a fortnight" at 68 years old, would have lead you to complain bitterly but its not fair to apply your standard and expectation to OP and her husband. Presumably because if only fortnightly you would be missing out on something you enjoyed and your needs would not be met. However the OP is not enjoying her husband's sexual overtures and she explains her reasons.

Out of curiosity I googled how often do couples usually have sex in the UK after 47 years of marriage and it came up with "sexually frequency often slows to once or twice a month" by that stage. Some may be more, others maybe less and other couples in their late 60s or 70s may have ceased altogether due to health or libido issues.

I believe sex should only take place between 2 consensual adults and there should not be any coercion. That seems to be a problem for the OP- as she feels she is "expected to do it", or her husband sulks, gives her the silent treatment etc. That's not a nice place for her- and clearly her husband is also not happy that he does not have access to sex on all the occasions he desires.

The other issue is that the OP describes sex "goes on for about an hour before he will let me go" and "he doesn't want to kiss" "he can't help himself". Again out of curiosity I googled what is the average time duration of vaginal sexual penetration for 70 year olds in heterosexual couples and the average is 3- 7 minutes. 60 minutes, many would say is quite a long time for a 68 year old woman with health issues as OP describes.

Yes, communication is always the key to achieving a happy sexual life at an early age, much easier in a marriage as you suggest. Effective communication however takes 2 willing partners willing to listen and well as talk and be considerate and flexible. Whatever communication did or did not take place in the past 47 years, the current situation for OP and her husband is sad. OP asked for feedback AIBU. I don't think she is and I hope she is able to get some support to guide herself and ideally her marriage to a happier place.