Being dropped by a friend for something better

I think you’re getting very confused between your friendship and the hurt you feel and just a group who play a game together.

I think that is the problem.

I thought I was reading something from the Jackie problem page! 🙄

She is not your friend. Delete her from your WhatsApp group.

If I was either of the two men in the group I think I be seriously p…… that the OP was letting her feelings interfere with the running of the group.

I don’t suppose for a minute they care that the other woman missed 1week.🙄

You have to separate the weekly sporting activity from the friendship in your mind.
You're allowing your emotions to take over.

All that happened was that Jane (or whatever her name is) didn't let you know she couldn't play that week.
Annoying, yes.

However it doesn't sound as if you like her very much anyway, so why is she your friend?

What does the others say? Its not just up to you, You need 4 players so have whose willing.

Scribbles

TLDR. Sorry.

Rather rude! Read it, or don’t read it, but why comment in that way?

“All that happened was that Jane (or whatever her name is) didn't let you know she couldn't play that week”
but she did tell her Allira.
Miranda said two days before the event, I asked everyone to confirm that were okay to do it and one of the group said no

Miranda, I think you are a bit overreacting. I'm going to guess doubles tennis, so you will need another woman to join your group.

I think some people see sport as a social event, whereas others see it as a competitive event, and strive to improve. Perhaps your woman friend sees it more as the former and is wishing to improve her game. In that case, wish her well and carry on. You may indeed find a new woman that fits well into the group. Until then you may need to have her in the foursome to fill in the gap, so please don't let your hurt feelings get the better of you.

And as a cautionary note, you've heard her talk disrespectfully of others, try not to let the conversation get into that territory.

I re- read your post and it all boils down to being treated as though or told that you aren't good enough .
I call it new best frienditus .
Being thought inferior preys on or feeds on every single doubt that you had about yourself and your abilities .
We all need reassurance throughout our Iives that we are at the very least acceptable if not great !
But you don't really know what's going on in this lady's mind. .
She might just be deeply unhappy and insecure in having to prove herself .
Be content with the friends that you have -someone else will come along and make up a team .
It's all for the best .

“Other friends at the club have said it’s dreadful …….”

All this sort of stuff is why I don’t ever want to belong to a sport club

BlueBelle

“All that happened was that Jane (or whatever her name is) didn't let you know she couldn't play that week”
but she did tell her Allira.
Miranda said *two days before the event, I asked everyone to confirm that were okay to do it and one of the group said no*

Duh!
I think what I meant to say was:
“All that happened was that Jane (or whatever her name is) let you know she couldn't play that week” !!

(Double negative.)

Iam64

Maya Angelou gave good advice. When someone shows you who they are, believe them

You saw this woman deceive and gossip about people. That’s who she is. I suggest you either continue to involve her but keep a safe emotional distance or, be up front and tell her how you feel and walk away.

Do the others in your group share your feelings.

Great minds think alike (or fools seldom differ?) Iam. I had it in mind to quote MA (such wise advice) and I’m glad I read down the thread before jumping in! 😁

P.s.im guessing golf! 🤷‍♀️

FGT I always enjoy these moments when fools seldom differ or great minds moments occur.

And yes, it’s sounding very like golf

I wouldn't necessarily delete her from the group but just put a message out to the others saying that X isn't available are they okay if you invite Y?
You're not inviting trouble but making it quite clear to X that whether she plays or not - the rest of you aren't too bothered and can find other willing players.

“Could I ask for advice as to how you would handle this?”………. have you considered moving to a different sports club? Seemingly, you’ve reached a point where the group dynamic is breaking down, one person stated TWO days prior that they couldn’t be included, you thought she was a special friend because you’d dined together although she had bitched about others………….don't you realise, that on the first available opportunity she would have been bitching about you?

It appears that your sports team has run its course and it’s now time to let go of the controls. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be involved in any such potentially toxic establishment.

You say she is a "bitchy" person. Why would you want to retain the friendship? Makes no sense to me.
You may be assured that if she is unkind about others when speaking with you, she is doing the same about you!!

Sounds like the fallout from a social group. You will only know your true friends in times of hardship and this woman is not your friend. She is a social climber. I was friends (or thought) I was with someone like this fairly recently. She treated me like an add on until one day she made a comment which, to me, was unacceptable. I just went cold and started to treat her in a businesslike fashion, gave no friendly gestures and faded her out. You don't need to be rude, just slowly cut the air supply. Far nicer and better people will emerge to join your group and, at the end of the day, you are just a social group which is by its very nature fluid. Go with the flow.

Scribbles

TLDR. Sorry.

True but at least there were paragraphs!

I would message her and ask if she wants to stay in our group and play with us in the future - or isn't interested anymore. Then you know where you stand.
Rest assured if anyone tells you personal details or makes derogatory comments about someone else they are most likely doing the same about you. Best wishes OP

Is this a serious post?

Surely women of 60+ or whatever we are, do not behave like twelve year old school-girls?

Why are you so bothered, she sounds dreadful. I would have crossed her off my friend list. She sounds like a nasty gossiper.

...so many thoughts popped in I wouldn't know the best
I h
HAte being judgmental myself and hate being rude or causing hurt so it's awkward and then I think I'm as bad as them Iv talk about her 🤔
Let us know how it goes 🙏🏼

My mother used to complain about one friend who would always cancel if she got a better offer, ie from a man. Her group of friends were mainly widows and this behaviour didn’t go down well. Eventually she remarried and moved away, giving up her dead husband’s pension, but her new man died quite soon after.