This is going to be rather long but I would be so grateful if you could bare with me, and read it to the end.
About 7 years ago my brother estranged me after I contacted Adult Social Services because of the appalling conditions my mother was living in.
He'd moved in with her, despite my advising her against it because he's a hoarder and I knew as he was no longer working that he'd sponge off her financially.
We'd moved out of the village where mum was living but even before then, I hadn't seen her for sometime because the house was in such a state, he wouldn't let me in. Mum was agoraphobic and hadn't left the house for several years.
So about 7.5 years ago, one of mum's neighbours 'phoned me because mum had actually left the house and gone to her because she didn't know where my brother was. I went to see her and was horrified at the filthy and cluttered conditions she was living in.
My once beautiful mum was a shadow of her former self, almost unrecognisable TBH.
There was no heating and no running hot water. I can't go into the state of her or the house because it's still too upsetting for me to think about it.
I 'phoned him. He was out with friends and furious that I'd entered the house. I told him I was going to contact A.S.S. because I couldn't bare to think of mum living in such terrible conditions. I knew if I did so that would be the end of our relationship but it was a price I was prepared to pay to try and help my mum.
In 2020, my dear cousin 'phoned me to tell me he'd been in touch with her and wanted her to tell me that mum had died in hospital and there was no money to pay for a funeral so unless we were prepared to do so, he would have to go to social services.
A week later a friend of his 'phoned me and during the conversation told me that he'd told my brother that he should be passing on the birthday, mothers day and Christmas cards I was sending her.
I could only assume that he hadn't been doing so and mum must have thought that I'd forgotten about her and didn't care.
We of course arranged her funeral which was a very small affair due to Covid restrictions. The funeral director was lovely as I was almost apologising for how mum might look, baring in mind what a terrible state she was in the last time I saw her.
After they'd taken care of her, she 'phoned and asked if I wanted to see her because she looked lovely, and she thought it would be a better memory for me. I was really anxious but with Mr. S.'s support I went to see her and was so pleased I did because she did look lovely; she was my mum again.
Needless to say my brother didn't ask about the funeral and I didn't volunteer any information.
Today I've received a message from my dear cousin saying that he's been in touch with her and asked her to pass on his email address and telephone number, as it being 'the time of year' he would like to make contact.
Neither has changed and nor has our email address or Mr. S.'s. mobile number so if he'd wanted too, he could have made contact without going through my cousin. I believe he's done this to put the onus on me.
We moved again last year so doesn't know where we are living now and I'll be messaging my cousin to tell her not to tell him our address because TBH, the thought of having any contact with him makes me feel physically sick.
Feeling as I do right now, I could cope if I wasn't worried about feeling guilty if I don't contact him.
I'm a regular poster on the estrangement forum but thought if I posted this here, more GN's would see it,
Thank you for reading.
