Oh right. Thanks for that Viceversa. đ€Ł
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AIBU
My dad spent 40 years mastering his craft, and last week someone half his age told him how to eat.đ
(91 Posts)My dad was a professional chef for forty years.
Not a hobby cook. Not someone who followed recipes on weekends. A professional. Someone who fed hundreds of people, who could taste a sauce and know in thirty seconds exactly what it needed, who understood food the way most people understand their own name.
Last week someone told him he should be eating more carefully at his age. Since when does being old prevent certain privilege
I looked at my dad and watched his face. That specific stillness that happens when someone who has spent a lifetime building something real is told that perhaps they need a little guidance now.
He just smiled. Said thank you. And said nothing else.
And I wanted to say everything he didn't. Because what I've known about my dad. He was getting up before anyone else was awake and doing things properly when the person giving him advice was still in school. He has forgotten more about feeding people well than most people giving him guidance have had the chance to learn yet.
He is not confused. He is not struggling. I've never seen him as a problem that needs solving by someone younger with better information.
He is someone who earned the right to be asked â not advised. My siblings think am being dramatic.
I don't think the people who do this mean any harm. I genuinely don't.
But I wonder sometimes if you feel it. If you recognise that specific smile. The one that absorbs something rather than causes a scene. The one that has been practised so long it looks like patience but is actually something else entirely. I wonder what you figured out through sixty years of doing it for real â that no amount of well meaning advice from anyone younger could have taught you and how you handle similar situations
Just a thought re AI. Doesnât it usually have US spelling? I can see one word that would be spelt differently in that case.
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
Long AI posts usually have paragraph spacing.
Also the OP has posted before.
petra
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
Long AI posts usually have paragraph spacing.
Also the OP has posted before.
And those posts read the same way...
Don't think it's AI.
Something has set this passionate outpouring off.
I agree, the best at their job will recognise the signs 'you're patronising me here' and redeem themselves by asking if the advisee has expert knowledge themselves.
But most won't , & it was always thus.
Your dad was very dignified in his reply. I would not. I am a classically train chef but never used chef as I thought it pompous I preferred cook. But that's me.
Due to my disability getting worse since 1988. I have always been brought up on healthy but cheap cuts of meat etc plenty of veg and pulses. We always had a put.
If that person saw have I have to eat they would have fainted. My hands shake all the time due to a rare hereditary neurological condition. And eat with a spoon abd fork. If something needs cutting when I eat out I ask for it to be cut up in the kitchen. I need plenty of napkins to cover my clothes. And can take 2 attempts to get food in my mouth then I put my hand or napkin in front of my mouth as food can fall and I don't know when it going to happen. I sometimes miss my mouth all together hence the napkins.
Would that person say anything to me ???.
I look able bodied until I move . At home I use a tea towel covered with kitchen roll. I have to eat foods there are soft as I can choke even on water or my own saliva.
I moved to the north west nearly 7 years ago and been on holiday by myself in the right across the north and Wales never had anything but help. I treat people how I want to be treated.
What thst person said to your dad was so out of line I feel angry for your dad. He would eat a more balanced diet and like me cooks from scratch. Bet your dads food is amazing .
Plevey08
Why are you going on about AI?
Because it reads very much in the way AI would write it
Why is everyone calling the helper â heâ I must have missed that bit
Of course you should have said something, why not?
My friend is in a care home she is often called by a shortened form of her name by the staff, which I know she has always hated. She can no longer speak for herself after suffering a stroke (which she shouldnât have been saved from, but thatâs another story) So when they called her xxxx in front of me I politely told them she would hate being called that please could they use her proper name How else would they know ?
Yes it's AI. I hate this!
Too bad if we are being taken for fools and somebody is using AI.
It could be a very interesting topic.
My guess is that it's almost certainly AI, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are being taken for fools. Before there is a pile on, it's worth considering that there is a chance that the OP wanted to write a post on the subject but wasn't confident enough to do it herself, so ran hers through AI to help her.
As I've said, I don't respond to her posts, as they do seem to follow the AI pattern:
Balanced phrases - not A, not B, but C.
The 'rule of three' - He did A, then B, then (punchline) C.
Questions phrased as information that leads the reader towards the 'correct' response- did you ever do A, which made you feel B, and it resulted in C? I wonder if you felt D?
There's more, but it is that sort of thing that flags AI writing. People do use it to 'cheat', but also to help with Dyslexia and to correct poor grammar etc. Given the readiness with which posts are often picked apart on here when someone posts in less than perfect English, I could understand someone using AI to help, and in my work experience those who really want to cheat will edit AI-speak to eradicate such obvious tells, but this post seems hot off the press. I wouldn't want the OP to feel she can't post again if the above is the case, and she will probably reinvent herself if it's all been a scam.
I just feel it's better to respond if the topic is interesting rather than (possibly) pick someone apart and upset them.
I don't mind "wasting time" even if that is on AI. Obviously I wouldn't bother if I knew for certain that it was AI.
Otherwise
1. It may well help someone else
2. I am on Gransnet anyway so obviously just wasting time in the first place! 
See a solicitor. Sounds like you've been misled and this may be a team of scammers who'll sell the flat to themselves very much below it's actual value, particularly if they don't clean and tidy and leave a bit of furniture to help it looks it's best. To me, too many red flags
A few years ago, I was in a pub with my dad when a young woman rushed passed him accidentally hitting him in the back. She carried on and like an idiot I raced after her and said "don't you do that, thats my dad" and she looked totally shocked and I realised I'd overreacted but I didn't care because my stomach was knotted up and if she had crossed me I would have scratched her eyes out. My darling daddy was in his 90's and nobody touches him.
Sweetheart you love, love love your darling daddy. Its perfectly normal for a lucky lady who got a good one.
My Mum went into hospital and they bought her a bowl for false teeth, when she said I don't have false teeth they just said 'come on now, don't be shy' she doesn't have false teeth and I was quite angry as it was just assumed. Bad nursing.
NoraHayes
To Marg75
I'm not sure the way he dealt with it is best though. I understand why he did it. But I sometimes wonder if the quiet dignity of saying nothing is exactly what makes people think it's acceptable to keep doing it.
Yes, l agree. I don't like the, silent,, smiling, agreement, in control attitude to be honest. Old fashioned and a bit condescending.
Lets pretend everything is fine.
You are not allowec to cause a fuss or say what you really feel.
You do not say that your father is in a care home, although to me the scenario you describe suggests this.
I agree with those who say that your father should not just have smiled and let the remark go, but should have told the person who made the comment that he was a professional chef.
However, if the young person giving the advice was actually qualified to do so, a nutrional expert or a doctor, then perhaps you need to take into account that theories in all professions change as time passes, and the nutrional theories prevalent in your father's working life may no longer prevail.
If we want not to be spoken to as if we were incapable of looking after ourselves because we have reached our present age, then we do need take young advisors up on their words, whether they were well-meant or rudely expresses.
Otherwise we will be reduced to the status of children under Nanny's care,
I understand your concerns . I have spent most of my life as a mum and grandmother feeding and teaching them how to cook basic meals . My husband was diagnosed with mnd and for a while to start with nutrionists would often feel the need to give me a plan of what he needs to eat - basic meals etc without assessing that I am a 73 y experienced feeder of people . They are well meaning and itâs their job but I feel a more two way conversation would help in a stressful situation.
Their advice was meant in a kindly way, no doubt. Try to dstance yourself from the staff caring for your father. They do not know, and cannot possibly comprehend his life, nor his experience, so try to let it go. When my mother was in a carehome, I had to let go of my role as carer, but regularly stepped up when required, with knowledge, but chiefly only when asked. Un asked for advice seemed to fall on deaf ears. The power dynamic was theirs as soon as my mother went onto the care home, which my mother called "home".
This is not AI.
Nora Hayes is a fairly regular contributor.
The yoofs know everything dontcha know?
Was it a medical professional discussing your father's health with him? I could understand them giving him advice and suggestions.
U 100% understand your anger at the person who gave, possibly well meaning advice to a gentleman without taking the trouble to learn a little about him.
I felt a bit the same when my elderly mum, a retired doctor had to lie in a hospital bed while a young health care assistant explained to her (slowly and loudly) every simple procedure.
Sago
This is not AI.
Nora Hayes is a fairly regular contributor.
Whose posts all read as if they are written by AI. I stand by what I said.
NoraHayes
To Marg75
I'm not sure the way he dealt with it is best though. I understand why he did it. But I sometimes wonder if the quiet dignity of saying nothing is exactly what makes people think it's acceptable to keep doing it.
Think your Dad did exactly the right thing and handled this very well.
Those who live and know him will realise how silly the whole thing is.
Doodledog
My guess is that it's almost certainly AI, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are being taken for fools. Before there is a pile on, it's worth considering that there is a chance that the OP wanted to write a post on the subject but wasn't confident enough to do it herself, so ran hers through AI to help her.
As I've said, I don't respond to her posts, as they do seem to follow the AI pattern:
Balanced phrases - not A, not B, but C.
The 'rule of three' - He did A, then B, then (punchline) C.
Questions phrased as information that leads the reader towards the 'correct' response- did you ever do A, which made you feel B, and it resulted in C? I wonder if you felt D?
There's more, but it is that sort of thing that flags AI writing. People do use it to 'cheat', but also to help with Dyslexia and to correct poor grammar etc. Given the readiness with which posts are often picked apart on here when someone posts in less than perfect English, I could understand someone using AI to help, and in my work experience those who really want to cheat will edit AI-speak to eradicate such obvious tells, but this post seems hot off the press. I wouldn't want the OP to feel she can't post again if the above is the case, and she will probably reinvent herself if it's all been a scam.
AI is used now on every day life, by many people.
Itâs often used to âamendâ âcorrectâ and âjazz upâ statements, reports, even job applications, all quite legally.
Just because many of us donât use AI on a regular basis, doesnât mean others donât.
There are many versions of apps etc online which allow us to freely use AI in very language format, we would choose a UK English version.
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