How many Grandads do we have?

Furry pipes....no wonder the beer is cloudy... Thats it Lil I'm off to the 'Matrons Arms' to sample the goods on offer...

Never met a man with a hairy penis

...just checked the 'last hour' page ...what was at the top???

jeni 's comment about HP!!!

Furry pipes from Pete!

lil has introduced a new beer to her establishment it is called ample bosom the regulars are always asking to sample the afore mentioned she serves it in big jugs it is all ways worthwhile asking if you can see them before ordering if your are not sure I have seen many a man and boy become quite intoxicated at the sight of Lils big jugs and very excited about her ample bosom might be worth gramps paying her a visit as she is an expert at blowing through furry pipes and raising a head on the most reluctant of equipment.....

Dear Matron, I hear you have a cure for furry pipes"! Would you be so kind as to divulge the secret?

I understand it to be a very restricted form of ribald medicine, passed on only to those carefully selected practitioners of the forgotten arts!

ps. should be -"Tribal" medicine but then again -- -- !!

No comment!

It would probably be 'ribald' if administered by Matron!
(But more fun )

nellie the carry-on at Lil's is unbelievable...I only tried one jug of 'ample bosom' but found it too much, as I always say 'More than a handful is a waste' ... (I left *gramps to it)

pete Lil says any waste can be claimed for ullage and it always best not to have ones drip trays full to overflowing, her big jugs are made to measure so one can get ones hands around them and they have handles appropriately named as love handles....as once seen everyone loves Lils big jugs.

gramps-
I am sure after sampling Lils ample bosom you will have a reassuring effect and your furry pipes will be in full working order,however she has also just ordered a stronger ale known as Bishops Hat so when asked what you prefer you can say I like Lils ample bosom I like big jugs so much so that I raise my*Bishops hat* in salute ......enjoy

neelie...how about some pork scratchings for the chaps...

Sorry nellie I was laughing so much, I mis-typed your name!

Ooh yes soop my lovely pork scratchings just hope gramps doesn't cut his toenails at the bar so they get mixed up.....think Lils business would also prosper from a nuts on the bar approach don't you

...nothing quite like a handful of nuts, nellie...

Salted or unsalted..... soop

Hey you young lady - if you think my nuts are like your toenails, one of us is seriously contused, er, con-- some fink or 'tother.!
My poor brian hurts me thoughts are mis -shapen.
I only had a medium glass of Bishop's Head. I'll have more respect for Bishops now!
Pork scratchings dear soop. Last time I had those, I finished up in Hospital for two weeks, covered in bandages - they didn't arf bloody itch too!

Pete, Where's you bin man?
Did you find out who dug that moat around our shed. It was full of wet water!
I'd only washed me tootsies three weeks before. Bad to do it too often as it makes yer toes shrink!

Better off seeing matron gramps she has a treatment plan being lined up for you and she can also treat trench foot....
If you find a problem with Bishops Hat and lils Ample Bosom she is introducing a lighter ale called Nuns Knickers it is smooth and creamy with a rounded bottom and slips down easily you may prefer that along with a handful of nuts and pork scratchings from the bar....
There is also Monks Habit which can be an uplifting experience when sampled alongside nuns knickers and can be a full and lively handful and not for the inexperienced

My head is getting swimmy, even as I sup the wonder liquors,
Does it go straight to your head, or detatch you from your knickers!

It is a trifle strong, and also very fruity, makes a lined and crumbly frame look like a ravishingly cute beauty!

I hope you're talking about Lil, there, gramps - otherwise nellie might take umbrage!

Are you saying you have your beer goggles on gramps sounds very much like a description of Matron she's crumbly and lined and fruity,
Would take a pair of beer goggles to make her look a beauty...

If Lil is the bar maiden, would it be umbrage or ullage?
I used to know a bloke who was a barsteward. I think that's what they meant!

The draw-bridge is now working gramps but be careful after sampling Lil's new beers, or you will end up with more than trench foot! Those new beers on sale are too much for me....think I'll try a cock-tail instead

Pete, be careful the way you ask for that drink! You could get a "foul/ fowl)response