moving on after bereavement

narg your message brought tears to my eyes. Tears are not be ashamed of. Your family will be feeling sad in their own way. Your husband was obviously a good, kind and loving man. Forty one years of sweet memories...that's what I call an everlasting gift that cannot be erased from your memory. After tears, let there be smiles. We're here for you. Welcome to Gransnet.
Birthday greetings from Kintyre.

narg Days like birthdays and anniversaries are the worst, today you have licence to cry as much as you want. But make sure that you plan something really nice to make up for it soon. Will you see any of your family today? They know what you are going through and they sound really loving and supportive so I am sure they will come to your aid. An outing in a few days when there are not all the associations will give you one of those little patches of sunshine that can warm you through again.

Does your GP know how sad you feel? There is no shame in taking medical boosters to get you over the marshland onto solid ground again. And keep poting on here - many of us have had the same experience and know how it feels, or (like biker) can see forward to being in the same position.

narg, my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you will keep posting because there are so many who will be able to relate to your experience. Gransnet is a safe haven. ((((hugs))))

Gen Whenever I find myself in one of those sunny patches I try to think more about how pleased he would have been for me than about how much I wish he could share them.

I have never posted before.
My husband died in April this year and I feel so alone.I am fortunate that my grown up children all live near me and are very supportive but nothing can take the place of my husband.I was married at 19 and we had 41 years together
Today is my birthday and this morning is so hard. No card or present and he always brought me breakfast in bed.My children and Grandchildren are coming to lunch later and I am dreading it.
I cannot stop crying.

Hello and morning Gen1946 and welcome to Gransnet I have just poppd in (any excuse to lounge about for just a little bit longer before starting the chores)! I have not yet had experience of bereavment but I do know it's only round the corner and will hit me and many others at any time.
Keep posting on Gransnet even if it only to say hello you don't always need to write much, it is like having virtual friends (well not all virtual as you will see that there are lots of Gransnetters meeting up) and if your feeling a little down then there is always some one who will pop up and try to make your day a little easier. take care

Thanks Elegran,

It has been just under 3 months for me and people keep saying it's early days.
The initial shock has worn off mostly, but I still have flash backs to the hospital and all that involved.

I know what you mean by things being a bit of an effort and falling into depression. I do voluntary work at an Elderly People's Home, go to a French conversation class and go to Cruse every other week. For some reason the weekends are the hardest but a lot of people say this.

Congratulations on winning the prize.

One of the hardest things for me is that my youngest son has cut off all contact. Part of the grieving priocess I know, but I feel as if it is a double bereavement.

I find the local church very helpful and kind and it's close to where I live so not an effort to go there.

At first I was inundated by friends ringing and calling in, but that has worn off and I think they feel I should get on with it now. Also I find being with couples quite upsetting because it only reinforces the fact that I am alone.

I do worry about the future.

You are so right about the small patches of sunshine. I've had a few of those and I think it's a very good sign. I also suddenly cry, just like that, and I've never been a person who cried.

Love and Courage.

Gen Yes, the silence is sometimes almost unbearable, thank goodness radios and CD players were invented.

I am glad the last couple of weeks have been a bit easier for you. From one day to another it definitely does not seem that "it gets better with time" but when it has been long enough for you to look back with a little bit of perspective, it is just possible to see that there are more good patches than there used to be.

After five months I don't lie awake at night so much going over the last few weeks in my mind and wishing I had done this or that differently, had said or not said this or that. It is as it is and I cannot go back and change anything. The winter sessions of day and evening classes are starting up, so there are more things to think about and people to talk to. I have one or two new projects to focus on. My main problem now is that it still seems like a lot of effort to really get going on anything. It can be done, and I find pleasure in small achievements (second prize in a small local photo competition -it cost me £1.50 to enter and I won £2) but I can see how people could easily fall into depression.

There is still sunshine around, it is just that the patches are smaller than we would like, and all we can do is enjoy them when they appear.

soop - A lovey tender post, and I second it for all.

when for you, too.

I couldn't agree more! I'm probably worse than I'd usually be as I haven't slept this week and I'm very tired.
I'm sure ill be back to my normal self next week.
Thanks to all of you

for you all. It's so awful to yearn for someone you love who won't be coming back, and remembering anniversaries after so long together is hard. My sister died just a few days short of her ruby wedding and my brother's wedding last week, and now her first great-grandchild is about to arrive, two weeks overdue. Her poor husband is feelng overwhelmed with sadness.

I have such respect for all those of you who have lost a partner and are trying your hardest to adjust and cope and get on with life. Mr soop is truly good and kind and totally dependable. We're about to celebrate our 24th anniversary...which pales against the time many of you have been married. and heartfelt warm wishes to jeni and Gen1946 and Gally. I do tell Mr soop that I love him every single day. And he tells me the same.

On Gransnet, we are here to offer friendship to each other. I think that we can make a real difference between a bereaved person feeling depressed and lonely or confident and well supported. That's the beauty of this forum. That's the strength of its members.

What can I say? (((hugs))) and to you all. And my admiration. xx

jeni ((((hugs))))

Jeni and from me too. All the more reason to come and be merry next weekend!

Jeni

Tomorrow would have been our 45th wedding anniversary!

Today I put wood preserver on two of the window sill, ready for the winter and tidied up the garden.

gen come on to GN and tell us all about your day, we are all here to listen, we love to find out what we have all been up to.

Hello Elegran,

It's all so hard. My husband has been gone for two months and I am going out there and doing things, but the silence is so awful. People say that time will heal but at the moment I find that hard to believe. Having said that the last week or two have been a tiny bit easier. I go to Cruse who you can google or find it through your local doctor and that does help a bit. The hardest bit is coming home and wanting to tell your husband about what has happened - and there's no-one there to listen. I met him when I was 18 and we were married for 44 years so I had been with him all my adult life.

gen1946 & grandma1jan dont be lonely there is always someone around on here to chat to.

Welcome Gen, I hope you will find it helpful to come on here where you will find lots of support from others who have experienced bereavement. I have found gransnet to be a lovely welcoming forum where I have received support on all sorts of matters as well as just enjoying talking to other like minded people. Everything must be very raw for you at the moment and I can only offer you my sympathy, as I haven't been in your situation, but I know there are several members who have.

grandma1jan - I can't offer any advice but I know how it feels to lose your mum, I had lost my dad some years before but somehow the loss of my mum felt like a real shock and an end of my childhood if that makes any sense - I was in my 40s at the time. It does get easier with time; I still think about my mum almost every day and I also talk to her - she still feels very close to me and that remains a comfort as the years go on. I'm so sorry you lost your ex as well - I think that brings all sorts of mixed feelings. A close friend whose ex-husband died a couple of years ago told me she was shocked at the intensity of her reaction as they had been divorced for years. She said that she was grieving for all the happy times as well as for the things that had gone wrong and could never be put right. She was not on good terms with him and had lots of regrets - I hope you will find some comfort in the fact that you and your ex had become friends.

I hope you will both keep coming and talking on here - there is always someone around to listen and to talk.

Cruse can be just as helpful to divorced widow(er)s-I think they can also offer one to one support. I feel so sad for you-Be brave and contact them

I lost my mam last year at the grand age of 90, and I still cry everytime I think of her or try to talk about her, to cap it all, my ex-husband died in december last year. I can herar you say ex-husband, why cry? We were realy great together until the children arrived then the drinking and violence happened, so my children didn't see what was happening, I divorced him even though I have always loved him. We became great friends after and I miss him so much. I don't think I can get over these two horrendous happenings in my life and I'm wondering if anyone can advise me. Thanks for listening