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moving on after bereavement

(363 Posts)
ladybird9 Wed 04-Apr-12 22:46:24

I realise that there must be so many widows out there, me being one of them, I find life so difficult without him, although we had our differences, marriage is an institution after so many years together. Any advice as to how to move on successfully. I have moved from one county to another in an attempt to change my outlook, still trying......... down days, up days, !!!!!
Not being a member of Gransnet too long, I feel that because it is an indiscreet way of airing my thoughts I can do so without anyone knowing who I am, is this strange ???? would really appreciate acknowledgement and your views on the bereavement issue.

Greatnan Thu 27-Sept-12 08:56:35

You are very welcome, Gen - just writing down all that you are feeling can be a help - I know it was for me. You won't ever 'get over it' but the pain will get less as the shock fades, and you will remember the good times.

Gen1946 Thu 27-Sept-12 08:50:03

New to this site but it looks helpful. My husband died early July from cancer. It was sudden and unexpected. I feel as if my whole life is falling apart. I'm trying to rebuild a new life but it is so hard. Cruse is very good because you can meet other widows and see that things like panic attacks and dreadful extreme lonliness are all part of the grieving process. I'm doing all the right things, reaching out to friends, voluntary work, help from the church, but sometimes it all seems unreal. At the end of May I was a normal sort of woman with a normal sort of family, but now it's all crumbling because my adult children are struggling with their own grief and can't give me the support I need. I lost my own dad when I was 20 so I know how they are feeling but I can't seem to help them.

Love and courage to all.

Greatnan Wed 26-Sept-12 23:29:28

Thank you, hummingbird, but I an assure you that no man in the world would tempt me to give up my lovely, free lifestyle. Not every woman wants a man! (And I don't want a woman, either!)

hummingbird Wed 26-Sept-12 22:10:43

Ladies, your posts have really touched me. I have not been widowed, thank God, but I know how painful it was when my darling mum and dad passed away -to lose your life partner must be awful. My thoughts go out to all of you who are bravely coping with your loss, and to you, Greatnan - but watch out - Mr 100%might be just over the next mountain!

Sook Wed 26-Sept-12 20:54:24

glass flowers

kittylester Wed 26-Sept-12 20:47:57

And me, jeni. glass flowers

glassortwo Wed 26-Sept-12 20:41:30

Ahhh sorry sad

jeni Wed 26-Sept-12 20:33:19

That made me cry!

Gally Wed 26-Sept-12 20:21:50

glass flowers

glassortwo Wed 26-Sept-12 20:12:02

I have just gone onto my FB page after reading this thread and one of my friends had shared this with me.....

A letter from Heaven

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not here to see.
If the sun should rise and find your
eyes filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today.
While thinking of the many things,
We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me
as much as I love you.
And each time you think of me
I know you’ll miss me too.

When tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me
I am right there in your heart.

Greatnan Wed 26-Sept-12 19:47:46

You are right, Anno - I met several men who seemed to be ideal at first-intelligent, charming , attractive - but I was very wary about committing myself and I always found something I didn't like about them eventually.
Perhap I valued freedom too much, having been married at 18 to a clingy man.

Gally Wed 26-Sept-12 19:41:26

The trouble is you don't appreciate Mr.100% even when you've got him. I'm finding that out now he's gone. How I wish I could turn the clock back and maybe do things differently - appreciate the small everyday things. I suppose complacency sets in after so long together. Take heed ladies, grieving is a hard path to follow sad

annodomini Wed 26-Sept-12 19:25:26

Even so, Mr Right can eventually turn into Mr Wrong.

helshea Wed 26-Sept-12 19:17:58

There is nothing wrong with going for 100%

Greatnan Wed 26-Sept-12 19:15:28

Thank you, helshea. It is my own fault that I never found the right partner - I was looking for Mr. 100% so I turned down an awful lot of Mr. 99%s.

helshea Wed 26-Sept-12 18:56:05

Oh dear Greatnan you had me in tears then - so touching though!

Greatnan Wed 26-Sept-12 18:50:32

I will never have to grieve for the loss of my soul-mate, or the love of my life, because I have never had one. I fear I will eventually have to grieve for the loss of my daughter if she continues her drug abuse. Loss is the price you pay for loving. Those of you who have lost partners after very long and happy relationships must be devastated, but you must have many good memories.
I don't much like the expression 'moving on' - it seems to imply that you are leaving something behind, whereas I think you are probably just surviving from day to day until a new rhythm of life becomes established.

helshea Wed 26-Sept-12 18:39:38

Miss you Dad

glassortwo Sat 18-Aug-12 19:45:40

flowers for you all.

granniemamma Sat 18-Aug-12 19:36:09

Freddie1 After all that time you must have some lovely memories and also great stories to tell. flowers

Sook Sat 18-Aug-12 17:43:07

flowers to all of you who have lost the love of your life

jeni Sat 18-Aug-12 17:06:29

barrowjust atip, go and do something on Wednesday! Don't sit and mope!

kittylester Sat 18-Aug-12 16:50:51

Barrow Freddie and everyone else who has lost their loves flowers

soop Sat 18-Aug-12 16:41:16

Barrow I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Your memories of the good times are evergreen. flowers

Barrow Sat 18-Aug-12 16:16:11

Just noticed this thread - on Wednesday it will be a year since I lost the love of my life. I still find it hard to accept. Everyone is very kind and I put on a "front" whenever I am with someone. I try to be positive, thinking of all the good times we had - but sometimes it is overwhelming.