moving on after bereavement

gally it WILL get better I promise. After 9 years I still have the odd weepy day but they are few and far between.
Talking helps and you have plenty of sympathetic listeners on here. DO use us and I'm sure that I'm speaking for a lot of us when I say that.
I'm not very good in writing, but if you want to actually talk to someone rather than post, pm me and I'll give you my phone number!
In the meantime ((hugs))

Gally

gally {{hugs}} to you

Gally I wish I had the words to give you comfort. Hugs from me too

Oh gally Huge hugs.

Wise words from Elegran.
Petallus there's no way you can rehearse for something you have no idea how you will cope with. When Mr.G died, I found strength from I know not where, which carried me through. I am a naturally loud and gregarious person but now, nine months later (and still loud!) I am finding it more and more difficult to come to terms with the fact that he has gone and I will never see him again. I can't bear to look at photos of him, of us and of him with our family; it just breaks my heart and as I said in another post, the arrival of various anniversaries and also the arrival of new grandchildren who will never know him, is making life incredibly difficult. I'm angry at being cheated out of a full and long life with him. I feel as if I live in a vacuum. I thought I was doing so well, but I just seem to be going backwards, and as my Dad would have said, I can't see the wood for the trees. . I just tell myself that I'm not alone feeling like I do, as there are thousands of others all feeling the same, sad for the loss of what might have been, fearful of what is to come.

I think you just cannot rehearse for such an event, petallus apart from being aware that it could happen and not closing your mind even to the possibility.

If/when it does, good friends and neighbours are needed, and outside interests that will take you out of the house. If you have kept your financial affairs in good order and know where to find all the paperwork and contact names and numbers that are needed to organise your life, you will not have all that kerfuffle as well as the trauma.

I have lost both of my parents and that was hard. Went to a funeral last week for a dear family member.

However, I think the most challenging loss will be DH if he 'goes' first. I often try to rehearse how I will cope if/when it happens but it is almost unimaginable.

I read this thread with a lump in my throat for those people going through such a dark time.

Also read it as a kind of preparation for what the future might bring, seeing what other people experience and how they manage.

Elegran - your words reflect so well how I feel. Thanks for your response, it's made me feel a lot stronger. So sorry to hear about your husband, I can't really offer any advice but Just this. Take care of yourself - I have had nothing but illness since my husband died, ibs for ages, attacks of vertigo, and just recently, shingles, which I am still suffering from the after-effects 12 months later. Thank you again my virtual friend. Maybe one day we will find happiness again.

I am not a widow but over the last 12mths have had 3 berevaments manly close family, the last one in January. I was so depressed I had to have couselling It did me a lot of good. Still have good and bad days but it will get easier. Stop running away from it and everyday gets a tiny bit easier. Try and meet lots of people and socialise when you can. Good luck. P.S talking helps a lot.

Elegran your friend is insightful. One thing I have missed since my mother died, is it is eleven months now since we had a conversation. We used to talk for hours about all sorts of things. Another thing I notice is that it seems as though she has been gone for a long time and also just recently.

elegran

elegran {{{hugs}}}

Elegran I'm lost for the right words. It's Mrsoop's birthday tomorrow. I shall give him the warmest of hugs. In fact, I'll do so right now.

A friend said something very perceptive. she said it is not just that you have lost him, but that he is not there to talk about it with.

Elegran, I echo soop's comment. xx

Elegran People like you make Gransnet special.

Peaches I know how you feel, because I too feel that I am not living, but just passing the time until my life catches up with me again. It was in April that I lost my dear husband to cancer after 49 years together, and I too had a brush with it a few years ago. Sometimes I feel that it was meant to be me, but then I escaped. I am just glad that he is not the one left alone - I think he would not have coped as well as I do.

I look on this as a period of convalescence, when you must rest to recover and then do a little at a time, pushing yourself a bit but not feeling guilty when you must pause and spoil yourself. I hope you have good friends you can talk to. Gransnet is wonderful when you just want to let it all out

Oh, peaches, keep coming back to tell us how you feel. There is usually someone around to give you a bit of love and support. Naturally you feel bereft after all that time together.

Learner hope you are ok today. A day of anti-climax I think.

A friend, whose husband died about 6 weeks ago, says it's the paperwork that gets her down, although it gives her something to do.

Dear Learnergran, I've listened to the link - it moved me to tears. Thinking of you x

Don't say sorry peaches - really no need at all.
We can all understand how you are feeling - hopefully those gnetters who have been in the situation will be able to help you to cope and tell how they managed to move on.

Thanks for all your messages of support. I think my problem in overcoming his loss is that we were at school together, married young, and had 52 years of happy marriage and companionship together, and I can't, just can't seem to move on. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was the one who got cancer 10 years ago, ovarian cancer, Stage III, prognosis very poor, 25% chance of survival. Amazingly I DID survive, albeit rather battered. He, on the other hand, never had a day's illness in his life apart from usual colds etc. Never been in hospital. And like a bolt from the blue, 5 months after diagnosis, he was dead. And now I just feel so lost. Sorry.

Peaches I hate living alone as well, particularly when things go wrong and I have to cope. On the other hand I really would not like to live with someone else. Being disabled does not help. I get round it by working 3-4 days a week , but now at almost 68 I'm finding it rather tiring and DD has told me I ought to stop or cut down.
I'm thinking about it. I suspect I'll still be thinking about it when I'm 72 and have to retire. Only the ministry of justice could insist on an age defined retirement.

Learner - so glad that you got through the day so well and that the funeral was a fitting tribute for you to look back on with satisfaction of a job well done. Keep us posted.

Peaches - so hard for you. Lots of good suggestions on here; and lots of gnetters who understand your current situation who will be happy to advise and support at any time.

so pleased that you found comfort with the family and thanks for sharing tha t music link, it was lovely, my computer actually behaved and played it, been playing up lately.

It will be hard especially with run up to xmas but we are all here to support ou.