moving on after bereavement

learner {{{hug}}} we will all be with you tomorrow.

Jendurham and Learnergran thinking of both of you.

Thanks Marelli. There has been so much to do. But not enough to fill in all the waking hours, especially those at night. Oddly, I don't have any trouble falling asleep but 4:00ish (3 this morning) sees me prowling around trying not to wake the kids up. DH was always a very early riser.

Thanks gracesmum. I've had a complete panic tonight trying to find our documents - DH has always insisted on keeping them "safe", and finding their safe spot was not easy. It would have been, of course, had my brain not turned into complete mush.

We'll all be thinking of you, Learnergran. xx

"Bon courage" for tomorrow Learnergran - this is so hard and I will be thinking of you

Good luck for tomorrow morning, Jendurham, I will be thinking of you. I have to register DH's death tomorrow morning.
I don't know very much about the Liverpool Care Plan - I think I've heard it referred to as the Liverpool Pathway? - but there do seem to be some concerns about it lately.

The friend from Lifespan has just phoned and is coming to see me on Monday morning. I need to talk to her.
Ken died just before midnight and if I am not in bed before 11 I cannot go to bed before midnight. So last night I went to bed just after midnight and the Radio 4 news was on.
I am sure I heard that GPs get given extra money for putting people on the Liverpool Care Plan. That's how Ken died in January, so I need to talk to someone about it, but not my sons as they would be too upset.
If anyone knows anything about the LCP they will know what I mean.

Marelli my thoughts exactly!

I've just caught up on more of yesterday's and this morning's comments, and I feel quite tearful. My heart goes out to you all...Gally and Elegran, both whom I now have the pleasure to know, and the other women who are supporting each other when they too, are so very sad. How good Gransnet is. xx

we all have to do what we have to do and what feels right for us. I still have all J's suits in the wardrobe and shoes in the hall cupboard - I open the door, go to clear them out and have to stop, it's far too painful. The girls tell me just to leave them until I am ready but I have cleared other drawers and have relocated some of his clothes : sailing gear has all gone to the step-grandsons and loads of summer shirts to their Dad and I even took a mac and jacket out to Sydney for the SiL there! As I write, I am wearing one of his jumpers which is comforting and the girls all have some too which helps them. Learner I agree with Narg - clear out the cupboards and put them away out of sight until you are really ready to finally dispose of them

jen I will look out for his seat next time I am at Beamish.

Thanks to all of you for your wishes and my sympathies to you, Learnergran. Unlike you, Learnergran, I did not get rid of Ken's clothes. They are all still there. My son, who lives in the same village, says there is no hurry. He says the same about his dad's ashes, says I can hang on to them until I'm ready to join him. I'm 63. Ken was 65, and Ageuk had just helped us get some extra DLA to help with finances.
Actually, Learnergran, when I go away I take his dressing gown with me instead of my own. I also take his slippers in case I need to wear any, as I do not have any of my own. It helps that we had the same size feet.
There is a charity near us called Lifespan and they visit people with lifethreatening illnesses and give massage and talk. One of them used to massage Ken's feet until he fell asleep. She still comes to see me and talk and massage my shoulders to get rid of the tension. She's actually the only one of the care team who visits me. I have not heard from the Macmillan nurse or the GP surgery. It's as if now I'm no longer a carer, I'm nobody to them, but I am to Lifespan.
I have had to take my granddaughter to the surgery 3 times lately and each time I have tears streaming down my face. I used to have to go there at least once a week with Ken. They all knew him, but do not seem to connect me with him any more.
Glassortwo, his seat is in the picnic area near Pockerley Manor, if you go to Beamish. I once went there with my grandson and there was a family sitting having a picnic in front of the seat, so we went over and explained and they asked us to join them. We often wondered what would happen if someone was sitting on Grandad's seat when we got there. Now we know.

Learnergran: it seems presumptious to offer my sympathy but it is heartfelt. You moved me to tears and I am so sorry that you are going through such a terrible time in your life. I hope you find some comfort when your children are all back home with you. I hope too that all the messages on here help in a small way too. You aren't alone.

Jendurham and Learnergran my heart goes out to you both and to all of you who have lost your dear husbands.

ohh dear..Learnergran what a sad time you having right now.
we are here to listen to whatever it is you feel like saying, as other posters have said, we all hope you keep popping back in and out when you feel like it, we are never far away day or night.

I am so sorry I have just stumbled on this thread.

learner I am so sorry, take each step when you are ready to, there is no right and wrong way to deal with things just go with your instincts. {{{hugs}}}

jendurham {{{hug}}} I live not too far from Beamish.

Sending all on this thread

Jendurham I just read your posts. You have my deepest sympathy, it is so hard to see loved ones suffer. ((Hugs))

Learnergran my sympathy on the loss of your mother, it really is a sad time for you. ((Hugs))

Learnergran my heart goes out to you, keep posting and let us all hold your hand

Jendurham thinking of you too

Thank you narg. In fact I got up in the middle of the night to retrieve his dressing gown to take back to bed with me.

Learnergran
I do understand your need to bag up all your husbands clothes but can I suggest that you simply place them out of sight and not dispose of them just yet. I have derived great comfort from wearing a jumper that belonged to my DH and you may later regret getting rid of them straight away .
My thoughts are with you and your family .

Both of you have made me feel very moved. It is so important to be able to talk about the person one has lost and keep their memory alive but I can well imagine that it is the "little" things - like the slippers - which are so poignant. I feel that whatever you do will be right for you - there are no rights and wrongs except to do what you feel is right for you - so nothing sounds "awful" and nobody can tell you what you ought or ought not to do,. Thinking of you both and all the other GransNetters who have lost their dear partner.

Learnergran So sorry - what a terrible time for you and the family. As others have said come back to us whenever you feel the need,

Leanergran what a desperate time for you. I don't know what to say except my thoughts are with you and your DC as others have said, feel free to come here and pour your heart out any time, GNers are a truly warm-hearted and caring lot.

Jendurham

Learnergran my heart goes out to you. I wish that I could do something to comfort you.