Husband trouble

kitty and jane - so true. When it came to my turn to go to uni, as the children started school, he was supporting me all the way, and the same as I started to climb the ladder in my career- and later when I decided to change tack and open my own language school. So different to the 'typical husband' as in 'Educating Reta'.

jane No need to duck! Quite agree. Think the reverse is true as well.

In my culture husband are the heads of the house and after them the oldest boys. Things are changing slowly. In my generation I am not usual as I have much freedom and knowledge of English and a modern husband. Not one of my friends have this luck. My daughter has a modern husband and my sons are modern husbands.

Well done, Pollyann. You are changing things for other women.

I hope - indeed expect - that our sons' generation will be more supportive of their wives/partners than some of our husbands - and ex-husbands - have been. Mine ostensibly supported me in spreading my wings, but got really resentful when I did. If he'd stayed in my life, I probably wouldn't have been elected to the local council. Our sons, on the other hand, take on an equal share of cooking and other domestic chores.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world....

I was raised in a household where rowing was the norm and as a consequence I physically cannot bear to hear people rowing; I feel sick when I hear couples row. Happily it's not something I've ever had to endure myself as first husband was a sulker and did the whole 'silent for three days until you're suitably punished' routine (equally horrid, but at least not shouty) and the Wonderful Man employs the 'quiet voice of reason' if he's cross; so rarely that when he does I listen! If I am cross (actually quite a rare event) I usually start ferocious cleaning until I've calmed down and by that time the signals have been read and the WM has apologised/explained/made excuses for whatever upset me before I've needed to say anything.

ga - I was brought up in a house where rows were rare but silent simmering hostility ruled the roost - sometimes I longed to hear a good row!!

When there was a screaming row in our household, my mother used to go round shutting all the windows for fear of what the neighbours would think. So it wasn't until I met other people at uni that I realised that it was quite normal to have rows. However, I have always tried to avoid confrontation, because when someone shouts at me, invariably tears come to my eyes, try as I may to control them. And my ex couldn't bear tearful women. Not a marriage made in heaven, then!

i think it is quite normal for families to have rows, especially when bringing up young family, they are not always going to agree!!

My daughter would scream and shout and bang doors if you used the word No!

I hate the sulky treatment, my OH IS good at that.

Am calmer than when was younger but still get angry sometimes, try not the sweat the small stuff as they say!!

I don't remember my parents rowing so maybe they did it away from us girls.

Me and my husband used to have big rows and he would disappear for hours, sometimes a day, these days though we say what we feel and get over it.

Perhaps we've mellowed.

The rows in our early marriage were usually over the kids or his drinking.

With you GA and Anno
I find rows very unpleasant and upsetting too. Fortunately DH and I haven't rowed for years.
The shouting produces an emotional reaction - fear or anger - both of which are counter-productive to resolving whatever the real issue is.

I find them upsetting, it's a horrible feeling.

I am one for doing that,, if there are raised voices, to say don't shout the neighbours will hear, the reason I do that is if there have been raised voices, the next day when I greet my neighbour, it is just a look of despair on their face, and I hate that,, but as said on this thread, it is all part of life and it is true to say that as your children get older they tend to agree less and less with each other..

perhaps you just imagine that look of despair could that be possible? Or can you hear stuff from the neighbours?

I know we live in detached and cannot hear anything either side, having said that I have heard daughter one side row with her Mum in garden and through open window in summer, but I just feel for her as my daughter was always very stroppy and hard to cope with.

Tragically their son died a year ago aged 20!!! so they can be excused anything at all!!

You are fortunate if your family do not disagree.

agree shouting rarely solves it, but sometime good to get things out in open and not bottle it all up!!