What is your advise for a long and happy Marriage

Movedalot how I agree with us all being good at something and not taking acception about it.During my working life when I worked full time I was on a lot of occassions the higher wage earner of the two of us (only through good bonus's & commissions) but we have always pooled our resourses and shared everything nearly always agreed on the upbringing of the DCs and generally rolled along well together,having the same sense of humour has helped and being able to say sorry when you have upset each other works wonders in any relationship.

Respect for each other is important, but I agree what suits one couple wouldn't work for another. My DH and I only had one rule, agreed before we were married and that was there would be no second chances. By that we meant that we each knew that if one of us was unfaithful there would be no going back. I think we are all tempted from time to time but I never met anyone I thought worth losing my DH for

We each had our own interests but that meant that we never ran out of things to talk about. Some years ago we were asked how long we had been married by someone we met on holiday, when we said almost 40 years she didn't believe it - because she said we were always talking to each other. She and her husband had been married for 6 years and had already run out of conversation!

After nearly 50 years, I`m still searching for the secret of a happy marriage!

And knowing when to leave each other alone. I'm poorly and grumpy so himself has gone out for a walk, good idea.

Don't bottle things up.

Best to screech and make rude gestures and get it out of your system.

And then stomp out.

After years of long earnest talks which got us not very far I now can't be bothered to talk endlessly about 'our relationship'.

Sounds awful but we jog along and know we can depend absolutely on each other in a crisis.

There's always a lot of good advice around and I have been happily married for over 40 years. I just love him its as simple as that! That he loves me is my good luck. We have never had to work at our marriage, we just enjoyed it day after day year after year. We re two people who need our own space and have always had separate holidays, mainly because he is a mountain walker and I'm not up to it. On the other hand I visit the Uk anytime I want and go without him. I can't give advice except not to marry unless you are really sure, and if the wedding and the dress is not so important that you couldn't marry without it, then don't do it.

I certainly worry that the younger generation expect perfection within their marriage, and are less prepared to work at it and overcome problems. No one is saying its easy, and at times it can be downright hard, but I wouldn't give up on my OH unless things were really bad (which they are not!!).

I think it's really important not to undermine each other, particularly in public I hate to hear anyone making nasty comments about their other half I think it's very disloyal. The same attitude towards managing money helps, I know several relationships where one half is a reckless spender and the other one has to do the bailing out, personally I think it's grounds for divorce, particularly if the spender doesn't change their ways and think it's their right to have whatever they want irrespective of whether or not there is enough money in the coffers. Having said all that, separate bank accounts is a must for me. I think it's essential to give each other space to pursue interests as long as they don't impact on the marriage. Shared chores, I do the cooking, my husband is better at cleaning than me, that works for us. Most of all never forget to tell the other person you love them. I remember making a point of telling my mother how much I loved her and I'm really glad I did as an adult and before she died, because although that person knows you love them, sometimes it needs to be said, particularly to your other half and quite frequently I'd say. Be prepared to compromise from time to time, I'm doing it this week, I'm going to see the new Jack Reacher film which I gather is utter rubbish but my other half has read all the books, so it's quid pro quo for him coming to see The Life of Pi with me which wasn't his cup of tea!

Quote `irrespective of whether there is anything left in the coffers`unquote.Can you email the undinamic duo Messrs.Blair & Brown sitting cosily in their homes with their millions in the banks with their respective interests swelling their accounts while the rest of us bleed to death BAana[fangry].

I always remember the (I assume) apocryphal story of the couple happily celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and someone asked 'Have you never ever thought even once about divorce?' The reply was: 'Divorce? Never. Murder? Frequently'.

messenger not sure who you mean? Are you referring to the Middle East Peace Envoy Blair, the one who had such a close relationship with a right wing Republican President that some cynics insinuated he did so with an eye to lining up deals for his own future, the one that wanted to be the first EU President, but didn't manage it boo hoo! The one with the mere 7 homes, who rubs shoulders with all manner of bent dictators and earns shed loads for his insightful speeches, that one? Turning to Brown, do you mean the financial whizz one who said there would be no more boom and bust, presided over the tax credit fiasco and got rid of our gold reserves costing the country 7 billion! I think they had a very happy marriage, Blair bought Brown an ice cream once,I know this because I saw it with my own eyes!

You mean he actually paid for it? Out of his own pocket?

Yes Ana I believe he did, although it didn't appear to have a flake in the top, perhaps Blair couldn't quite stretch to the full 99 at that time as he was still on a measly PM's salary. Gordon nevertheless accepted the flakeless ice cream very graciously and we have no reason to believe that he shoved it in Blair's face once the cameras stopped rolling!

I think you need to be friends first, my husband of 61 yeares is my best friend because he knows all about me, the good and the bad, and we can still laugh together. Lots of arguments, but share our love and caring.

Having made an active choice to stay together (we split temporarily for 6 months) we have learned to see the positives and learned that marriage is a living thing..needs warmth, attention and nurture to keep it alive.... and ours very nearly died! Will celebrate 43 years in the summer.. think we made the right choice

I remember a 100 yr old being asked about his 90+ yr old wife what was the secret of a happy marriage. He said 'Yes Dear!' Although I smiled at this I took his advice and began to 'Yes Dear' my daughters- not DH, he doesn't need it.
It definitely worked like honey on DDs and was surprisingly easy in some situations.
I agree about not embarrassing your partner in public, and not boring them at home either.

A couple were interviewed on the local news today - they were celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary! Their recipe was to have a little tiff every day, though in reality it seemed that he generally gave way to her most of the time.

For a long marriage my advice would be - don't divorce or kill your spouse.
For a happy marriage I would say - keep nurturing the love you first had and be kind to one another.

GA you are so right. Sums it all up.

As Movedalot says, if you look at it objectively marriage is hard to understand, but I am never happier than when I'm with my husband and that still increases every day, even after thirty something years. I think part of it is that I still find him more interesting than anyone else and the conversations flow constantly. We both work from home and had to make sure we had separate work rooms, otherwise we'd spend all our time talking to each other.

BAnana agree about not undermining each other in public. DH did this a couple of times but won't do it again"

Disagree about separate bank accounts as we only have one and it works for us. We don't need to discuss who pays for what, it all comes out the same acount so nothing to argue about there. No problem when one earned more than the other as all the money was pooled. I didn't feel that I was of less value when a full time housewife and mother because I didn't have my own money. I do think that one of you has to be responsible for the money but see that as no different from the one who is responsible for the ironing. If either of us wants to spend a large amount of money we discuss with the other but apart from that just do as we like. We are both quite thrifty by nature so it works for us. Each to his/her own I suppose

Hooverthedog what a fabulous name! Are you a new Gransnetter? I feel sure I would have homed in on your name if I'd seen it before. Welcome!

I am probably not a good person to ask as husband number one bu**ered off and left me with a young baby, husband number two died young and now onto number three ! Mind you he is the love of my life and we have been together for 20 years now. They say good things come to those who try other things first wait.

You've proved the 'third time lucky' rule as well, gillybob!