Hi,
My son married his wife a year ago, and about 6 months ago they moved to another state because of his military status. They have an absolutely adorable little girl that is my first grand-child, and she is almost 1 year old. When they lived here it was difficult to get to spend time with her, because my daughter-in-law doesn't like me for some reason. I am a devout Christian, and she is an atheist, so that could have something to do with it. But I have never judged her or thrown religion in her face. Ever. I have bought her things, given her things, paid her compliments, pretty much everything to try and and win her over. She and I have spent a little bit of time together, and things seem to go fine, but then she will do or say something on Facebook that is just cold and calculated towards me. My son tells me she is bi-polar, so I'm trying to keep that in mind, but it's really difficult.
Recently when my son went into the field on maneuvers and was to be gone for nearly a month, my DIL decided to take a trip. She emailed me and told me she was "going to do some traveling" while he's gone and visit friends and family. I didn't ask where, and she didn't offer anymore information. I got an email from her last week saying she decided to drive straight to her parents house (which is 30 minutes from my house), but that she would be really busy for a couple of weeks, so I wouldn't be able to see my grand-daughter. I was extremely disappointed. A few days later I emailed her to see if we could have lunch or dinner, and also if I could pick up my grand-daughter for a few hours on Saturday. She emailed back and said she would be busy for the next couple of weeks and she has absolutely NO weekends free while she is here. I emailed her back and asked her if I'd done something to make her mad at me (mainly because her response sounded a bit hostile). Her email response to me was 'wow'. The next day I received a long, hateful email from her, telling me that I am verbally abusive, condescending, etc., etc. and the only time that she and her husband have fights is when it involves HIS family. She said that she wasn't even going to tell me she was in town, because she knew I would "harass" her to see my grand-child. She also stated that she is tired of me 'judging' her, and tired of always having to consider my feelings when she says or does anything. I'm not sure where she's coming up with this stuff, because I have been overly nice to her. The one time that she and I had an intense conversation many months ago via email, she went crying to my son and he called and cussed me out and made me cry and didn't speak to me for weeks. I realized that just because she is honest with her feelings in an email, I can't be honest right back because of the consequences. (I forwarded the email string to my son so he could see that I said NOTHING wrong, and he agreed but never apologized for cussing me out)
Anyway, I have decided to step back and stay silent, because she obviously doesn't want me in their lives at all. My grand-daughter's first birthday party is in a couple of weeks, and my son is supposed to be flying in for that. I was planning to attend, but now I am considering not. I don't know what to do, because I don't want my son to be upset with me, either.
