I reallly want to change my life but dont know were to start

Over twenty years ago I was in a position where my life had changed, and I was unhappy with it. I had been through bankruptcy, eviction from my home and divorce among other more personal problems with my teenage daughter and ended up in a small rented flat. I had, in fact, lost everything.

One day I really took stock and listened to the things I was saying to myself. I made a conscious decision to change. I decided that, as I was the only person that I HAD to live with, I would treat myself as I would treat a best friend and I would not say anything to myself that I would not say to my best friend. I asked myself what I would like to eat and laid the table properly, before relaxing with a dvd or my favourite tv programmes. It was only when I was happy with myself that I started to get better. It wasn't easy and it took a while to stop running myself down. We are extremely cruel to ourselves.

Later I joined a social club and improved my social life. It was a club for single people, not a dating club, but set up so that you did not have to be alone because you were not one of a couple. If you wanted to go to the cinema, you would put a note on the board with your phone number and sometimes there were as many as twenty turn up to see the film. A night at the local pub for a quiz night became the norm. I was in my fifties at the time and fifteen years on, I still have many friends from that time.

Now I am content with my lot, a much better word than happy, but I remember that time and still try never to speak badly to myself.

Wise words indeed!

That's lovely, experigran.

I was always told by my grandmother never to look to others for my happiness, I would only find it within myself. It's been quite a hard yardrule to follow at times, but it's true. I also forget it completely and have to remind myself. As others have said, true happiness comes in flashes and fairly infrequently (for me) but most of the time I jog along contentedly - and for that I am grateful, because the miserable times can be dire.

My grandmother also made me read all the Pollyanna books. I really disliked that child. It's hard not to become more cynical and pessimistic as we see how awful life can be, too. I used to think that the people who remained happy and optimistic had maybe not had much to upset their equilibrium.

What a lot of interesting ideas from everyone on here . I believe in contentment also, and think it's that which we should be aiming for. As a few here have said, happiness comes and goes in quick flashes, but that's ok.
There is a poem with this line in it,
'are you breathing , just a little,
and calling it a life?' [can't remember more, or who wrote it, although it was a woman.] This always made me squirm a bit, as it seemed to sum up my life
not doing anything really worthwhile or interesting. So I made a list of things to improve my lot, and then thought I would tick the ones that I would want to try.Well, I would love to tell you that I ticked a few and tried them BUT the reality was,I didn't really want to do any of them, and actually my life was quite nice as it was.So perhaps I am meant to be someone who is breathing just a little and calling it a life. LOL.However, if you feel the need for change, putting them down on paper and really thinking about them is the way to go.Simply moving house and a bit of volunteering may [or may not] fit the bill.