Depression

Brandy - I have suffered with depression, my mother did too, and her mum , The drugs helped me, but...... and I know I am unusual here, I have just been diagnosed with coeliac disease, which can apparently manifest itself as depression, and therefore be undiagnosed, and is hereditary through the female line - my mum suffered terribly with tummy problems too, so I do wonder if that had been the cause all along

My point being if you have severe stomach pain, cramping, loose stools etc, it might be worth having the simple blood test done... I was so aneamic through it I was permanently cold and tired - which I had thought were symptoms of my depression

My GP said a lot of people are not diagnosed until between 40-60 years old

Brandy I have been following this thread and now feel I should offer my bit. I am certain many members would have been far too young to remember episodes of depression during the war years. I am shortly 65 & wasn't born until 1948. However you have had some replies and if it is any consolation an unexpected episode in my life some 8 months ago sent me into a deep depression which I am apparently still in. I understand exactly where you are coming from and the difficulty you are having trying to get out of it. Like you I have received all manner of so called treatments and councelling but looking back I must say I don't think any of it was of any help or benefit to me as I feel no different now than I did. I have always been an exceptionally confident and assertive individual, have always led from the front, and have never been afraid to tackle problems head on, however, I did feel totally broken, used, abused, cheated and betrayed when my problem hit me. I now feel there is only one person that can ever get me back to where I was and that is me - with some help from my GP and medication. I appreciate it is hard and seemingly impossible but you must do your best and be determined to get there and show the world what you are really made of. I have received some good advice on this forum and some wonderful messages of encouragement for which I will always be grateful.
I appreciate you have had some mixed responses to your initial question, I have assumed it was asked in good faith albeit perhaps naeively but please don't be put off and on that note remember to never attribute to malice what is adequately explained by ignorance. Some members may have considered your initial question a little intrusive or commercially motivated. You have now clarified the situation, at least for me and I wish you well in your recovery. In my limited experience members on here really do want to help, support and encourage you and if you feel I might be able to help - having recently been there please just let me know. I wouldn't wish the affliction on my worst enemy - well, perhaps with one exception!

Brandy I hope the advice has helped and you realise many more people suffer depression and are in the same dark place as yourself. Too many people hide it and are unfortunately ashamed of it. Further to my previous post I have been having a wee think and wonder if there is a choir of some sort near you. Last October I joined a local community choir and go every Tuesday evening. The buzz I get from singing my heart out (not always in key or even in tune!) stays with me the whole week. It really is uplifting. The first night I was very nervous as I knew nobody but they were very welcoming and as they were strangers knew nothing about me and my problems, they just took me at face value. It lets me forget any cares and woes for a couple of hours. Keep going, there is a light at the end of your tunnel, believe me.

hello Brandy,unlike most gransnetters i am old enough to have served in the ATS from 1939 to 1945. depression was not something we talked about but probably some of us did feel it at times. a good friend to confide it helped.I really hope you find the type of medication that i right for you.

hello littlegran and (belatedly) wellcome.
I thought I might be the oldest gran but if you were in ATS in 1939 you can give me a few years!
I was 8 when WW2 started.My baby brother (6mths) died when I was 4 and my sister was 2..
I guess my mum must have had depression with that and coping with dad being unemployed for six years.
I'm sure there was no counselling or medication,-just a good neighbour and church folk.At that time, pre NHS, we still had to pay for medicines and doctors visits!

Do we know that Brandy is still reading this thread. She has n' t been on for a fortnight.

Happens a lot. But the threads go on....and on...

Brandy,

Obviously you would need to speak to your GP about the medication you are on and the effects like memory loss that you are experiencing but I don't think taking tablets is always the way to go with depression.
If you feel you can talk to someone ask your GP to arrange this.

This is my personal opinion based on my own experience of when I went thru a bad time.
When I was really bad I didn't want to speak to anyone just wanted to sit quietly not communicate and stayed in bed. I felt I was in a black hole which I couldn't get out of. I had no one to talk with and didn't want to worry my mother so kept it all inside which made things worse.

Force yourself to get out of bed, it's the first step to getting out of that black hole.
Try listening to the music you love to take you back to a time when life was good.
Buy a journal and write down all your thoughts daily, you can get things off your chest which you are worrying about and it's private so you don't need to share.
If you have a close friend talk to them about how you feel.
If possible go out for a brisk walk and try and make this part of your daily routine.
You will have to force yourself to do these things and it's not easy but you'll get there in time.
Tell yourself you are going to beat this, think positive and make plans for the future.
Try and get yourself into a daily routine and stick to it.
Unless you have been there no one will know what it's like but when you get thru it you'll be a stronger person.

Thank you all for your replies, help and ideas. I am so sorry about what a lot of you are going through. I wish I could offer some helpful advice as you have done for me, but not having found anything that works, I don't think anything I have to say would be helpful :-( As awful as it sounds, it is a great comfort to know that I am not alone, although I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

PS- Thank you for your post, you sound as if you are very similar to me, both in how you used to be and in your thoughts about counselling and treatment.

I went back to the psych. last week and due to strong suicidal feelings on my current medication, he is now slowly withdrawing me off of it. I hate doing this as I always find the withdrawal symptoms hellish.

He has also referred me to a sleep clinic. He said that he has to rule out Sleep Apnoea. I don't feel that I have a sleep disorder (except that the depression/meds make me sleep 15+ hours most days) I thought sleep apnoea was diagnosed in people that don't get enough 'proper' sleep??? I feel that I get plenty of deep, dreamy sleep - in fact at times it feels like I sleep too heavy and have too many dreams :-)

So I guess i'll see what comes of the consultation tomorrow. My GP also wonders if I have ME or better known as Chronic Fatigue....... I'm not sure about any of it, I just want to feel normal again... maybe I am trying to push myself to much; somedays I just feel like giving in to it all (which I have done occasionally, and have just hidden under my duvet).

I've been trying to walk most days and it does make me feel a little bit 'lighter', so I am determined to try and keep this up.

Betsysgran - Thank you for messaging me and huge thank you for your suggestion - I love to sing!! (awful voice though). I know there is a singing group just round the corner from me, I think I might give this a go. Singing always used to make me feel much better and really uplifting - huge thank you for reminding me of this.

I cannot thank you all enough for the messages that you have left on here. I didn't come back for a while as I thought it best that I didn't, but then Betsysgran pm'd me and I am so glad I came back to read all of these posts. I will keep reading and updating - maybe there is a miracle cure out there :-)

best wishes to all of you x

Brandy - it's good news that your GP is exploring physical causes as contributing /causing depression. ME is a dreadful disease, which thankfully is now recognised by GP's rather than dismissed as all in the mind. I agree with other posters about the benefits of exercise, music and the power of positive thinking. I accept that many people dismiss the positive thinking attitude, but you may have seen some recent research that suggests we can contribute to the way we feel by training our minds away from negative/ruminative thoughts. Incidentally, I am not convinced that CBT is a cure all, it can be very helpful, but deep rooted issues sometimes need a broader approach

Brandy. I agree with Iam64 re positive thinking. I think I have been where you are and never in a million years thought I would feel any better but I do. Positive thinking is not easy when you feel so terrible, I think with depression the negatives override the positives, if that makes sense. I have someone in my family who is struggling at the moment - you are definitely not alone. I can only say that when you are in the depths of despair and someone says there is light at the end of the tunnel, yu cannot believe it, but there is. I wish you well, you sound like a lovely person. Good luck.

Speaking as someone who spent a lot of their early childhood in a shelter during the Sheffield Blitz I would say that there was LESS depression then. it was about LIFE and SURVIVING. Deep friendship and solidarity among neighbours.
The depression came afterwards I think. the drab war time conditions, hard work, cold, chilblains, rationing.
My own mother was treated in the 50s with electric shocks - which worked very well indeed and she was cured and sleeping well after 6 months treatment.

I have been living with my husband's severe depression for the last six months and it is not getting any better. It is compounded by the fact that he thinks he is losing his sight so he can't read or write. I would love to hear from some grans who have been doing the same. I feel I am just acting on instinct and never really know if it is the right thing.

We have very good GPs and psychiatrist and supportive friends and family but it is the person (usually wife or husband) who bears the brunt of what can become a burden.

He cannot garden or walk because of complete lack of energy and this is causing him great distress.

Any advice would be welcome.

Hi marg48 sometimes threads lay a bit dormant as they have sort of "run their course" maybe a new thread with new titlel I'm not sure?

I understand where you are coming from, DH has had depression for many yrs and like yours is now loosing his sight and cannot read his beloved garden books etc etc I did find him loads of audio tapes/cassettes/cds to listen to (inspector morse/Ruth rendall/comedy Billy Connoly etc) these lasted a few months and then he got frustrated and fed up of them.

Thank you bikergran. Perhaps we could start a new thread Caring for Depressives? Not sure how we do it.

My DH has psychotic depression - convinced we are going bankrupt etc. I thought he was over that part but it has suddenly all started again. Sooo difficult to deal with. We've suggested audio tapes but he is so negative about everything at the moment. He's been in hospital for three weeks but seems not to have made a great deal of difference.

marg48 I'm sure you have prob tried many things, and yes agree it is very difficult once they dark clouds have set in, DH was very negative about the tapes etc but when I managed to find him some mystery/murders etc he did start to listen to them (maybe he was plotting something)!! maybe some music cds or perhaps you have tried them already, sometimes there isn't much more you yourself can do and you have to start looking after yourself and trying to have a bit of "you" time, maybe join in some of the more humorous threads on GN and give yourself a bit of a lift.Sorry I can't be of much more help.

Could you play a tape while you are with him "because I've always wanted to read this book and now I can sit back and listen to it" or some such thing. He might start off gazing into space but if he got caught up in the story he could want to continue.

Both good suggestions and really comforting to have someone to talk to.