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Oh What to do???

(47 Posts)
Flowerofthewest Sun 08-Sep-13 19:01:53

I agreed a few weeks ago to have my two very boisterous grandsons from Friday evening to Sunday evening because my DS wanted to take my DIL to a food festival for the weekend. As they don't have a lot of 'me' time I agreed to have the boys. I have had to forgo my other DIL's baby shower because I have the boys but accept this (children are not welcomed to the baby shower????) Today at my DGS birthday party I overheard my DS telling his friend that he was looking forward to next Saturday (when I have the children) and going out drinking. It happens that they are going to his friend's son's 18th Birthday drinks around a local town. Nothing has been said about their change of plans. I really only need to have the boys for the Saturday afternoon and overnight. I wish they would come clean and tell the truth, Do I confront him or be made to feel a fool by pretending that I still think they are going to the Food Festival.

thatbags Sun 08-Sep-13 19:37:24

Oh dear! I'm sorry this has happened, flower. If you feel able to tell your son what you overheard, it might produce an acknowledgement of the change of plan. Would you prefer to only have the children for one night?

Good luck. I don't envy you with this at all! flowers

merlotgran Sun 08-Sep-13 19:43:07

I would mention that I have heard they have changed their plans but in a cheerful way and not make a big deal of it. They are probably looking forward to a break and you have said you will look after the boys.

Does it matter?

Anne58 Sun 08-Sep-13 19:45:42

Agree with Bags but also must say that IMO "baby showers" are another bloody American idea that we have managed perfectly well without for ages!

(Dons tin helmet and gets under desk)

gracesmum Sun 08-Sep-13 20:00:40

I'm with the others on this with the additional thought that if they are going for a serious night out on the town - they might not have surfaced until lunchtime at the earliest anyway. I am hearing perhaps a note of concern in the description of the boys as "boisterous" - are you perhaps worried they might be too much of a handful? If so. let's compare notes next Monday as we have DGSs (3+ and 22 months) from Thursday to Sunday evening while DD and SIL are at a wedding in Florence. With DH's health, I have lined up my SisIL - a retired GP as my extra pair of hands and also the other 2 DDs and SILs for an outing on Sunday by which point I will be on my knees!!!

Flowerofthewest Sun 08-Sep-13 20:11:21

I'm not phased about the baby shower as I agree it is another American thing over here. Its just that I feel they are not being honest with me.

Merlotgran: I just don't like being deceived. I love the boys, of course, but, just want them to be honest about the situation. Like I said I don't like being taken for a fool.

Flowerofthewest Sun 08-Sep-13 20:13:34

No not concerned about the boisterousness of the boys. I have had 5 children of my own and my two eldest were boisterous. I can deal with them.We will take them out on the Saturday and probably for a long walk Sunday morning. It is just the fact that they are not being honest!

Lona Sun 08-Sep-13 20:18:18

I would feel the same flower and I would have to ask them if their plans had changed, without being confrontational.
I hate being told lies.

Penstemmon Sun 08-Sep-13 20:19:18

Are they doing both food festival and night on tiles? Do you feel a bit conned? I understand that you might feel a bit cheated especially if the boys are hard work.

On the other hand maybe they really were going to the food festival and then another event cropped up and as they had babysitting set up went with the event they prefer..they possibly did not think you would mind. If you do mind you really have to decide if you need to say anything. But as others have said I would try not to make a big deal of it in case they never ask you again.

Hope whatever you decide to do that it goes well.

Flowerofthewest Sun 08-Sep-13 20:20:10

Think I will have to otherwise I will brood Lona. I am never confrontational with my children, don't normally have to be but I don't like being walked over either.

Marelli Sun 08-Sep-13 20:24:27

Yes, flower - tell them that you overheard a bit of the conversation and that it won't really matter. It would be so awkward and embarrassing if they tried to make out that they'd been out to a Food Festival and had just been out 'on the lash' so to speak! confused

j08 Sun 08-Sep-13 20:26:14

Well, I think you missed a chance when you first overheard him say this. Why did n' t you say then, "what happened to the food festival?" However, better late than never. If you don't want to have two boisterous boys any longer than necessary (very understandable), take it up with them. Why pussy foot around?

Flowerofthewest Sun 08-Sep-13 20:31:40

Jo it was in the middle of the three year old's party. Just wasn't quick enough I suppose and was trying to work out which Saturday they meant. The moment passed. I will just mention that have their plans changed because...... I do love having the boys, its just the apparent deceit

Hunt Sun 08-Sep-13 23:58:41

I do think you have to mention this, how awful if they came to pick the boys up and said they had a great time at the Food Festival and you weren't sure if they had been or not!

KatyK Mon 09-Sep-13 12:05:24

Sometimes ours are 'economical' with the truth. I hate it.

glassortwo Mon 09-Sep-13 12:18:21

My DD works on 'a need to know basis for information' until something gets let out of the bag and then says "ohhh didn't I tell you.... Sure I had" !!!!!!

Gorki Mon 09-Sep-13 12:40:53

I can't see a real problem here. Your son was not being dishonest because he spoke about the new plan openly enough for you to overhear him. I can put myself in his shoes as a similar thing happened to me. We had arranged for my parents to look after our 3 children which they loved doing but then we received a "better offer" which would mean they only needed to have them for one day. Knowing they would be upset at the change of plans we kept quiet. When they asked us if we had enjoyed the week-end away we said we didn't actually do that. We went to such and such for the day only. Nothing was made of it and nobody minded. Everybody had a good week-end

BerylBee Mon 09-Sep-13 16:16:22

I think I would only raise this if they have lied to you in the past, and this seems to be the final straw. That sounds a bit melodramatic, but I hope you get my drift.
If your usual relationship with the Parents is relaxed and easy, then I wouldn't make anything of this issue. They may indeed have intended mentioning the change of plan but just didn't get round to it.
Give them the benefit of the doubt.

petra Mon 09-Sep-13 16:58:16

I know my DD has lied to me on this subject. But I just keep my mouth shut.
I'm a great believer in: A still tongue makes a wise head.

Flowerofthewest Mon 09-Sep-13 22:23:46

Its all sorted, I rang my DIL this morning and thanked her for the lovely time Sunday (DGS birthday party) I then asked if plans for the coming weekend had changed as I got the gist of a conversation regarding the friend's son's 18th. My DIL apologised and said that she was going to ring me today to explain that they don't need us now on Friday as they are not going to the Food Festival as they cannot afford it at the moment. Also my elder DGS has a party to go to on the Saturday. She said would I mind still having them overnight so they can go to the 18th Birthday and pick them up Sunday morning. Of course I said yes. I just think that to them they had a week to let me know but I am going away until Friday so really needed to know what was happening.

To the question have they lied before, yes, my DDS does tell 'white' lies. Silly really but that's him.

So BerylBee you are right they were planning to mention it to me. The conversation was relaxed and non-confrontational. I do get on well with the pair of them and love them and the boys to bits.

Lona Mon 09-Sep-13 22:30:35

A happy outcome then flower smile

Flowerofthewest Mon 09-Sep-13 22:37:17

It is I can now go to my beach hut for 3 nights without the 'chatterbox' in my head worrying.

Tegan Mon 09-Sep-13 22:42:34

My son's girlfriend was reading a book on cognitive behaviour therapy and was on a chapter about Toxic Thoughts so whenever I start worrying about something or overthinking [every hour on the hour usually, especially when I haven't actually got anything to worry about which REALLY worries me] I say 'toxic thoughts' to myself and blot it out. I think it's working confused. Glad to hear things have sorted themselves out Flower smile.

Lona Mon 09-Sep-13 22:49:51

Tegan I'm the same, it sort of gets to be a horrible habit (worrying) doesn't it?

I keep putting everything 'behind me' and it is working to a point.

LizG Mon 09-Sep-13 23:37:11

Very pleased for you [flower] now you can enjoy your break.