Hello

I would agree with those who recommend legal advice. I thought my exDH was an honourable man, so we had a gentleman's agreement over pension splitting and 50/50 share of assets. As soon as another woman came into his life he tried to back out, followed by a long and expensive legal battle resulting in our arrangements being considered by the judge to be fair and made to stand. My divorce solicitor had warned me! Apparently it is a common scenario when new partners come on the scene!
As I have written to others on this subject - it is best to get all your ducks in a row before starting your new life.
I wish you well for the future. In my case it was something I should have done years before but didn't want to upset the grown-up DDs. However, they have told me that they wish I had put my happiness first. Living alone is great, I do what I want when I want!

Well that is rich coming from you jing! People in glass houses and all that. I merely thought a reminder of the practical aspects of this emotive subject might be constructive and not come amiss amidst all the hearts and

Bottoms up dear !!!!!!

Absolutely. Me old darlin'. chin-chin

That is frightfully true.

A trouble shared !!

Is a trouble halved !

True. But maybe sometimes, just off-loading troubles can help in itself.

The forum is all about discussion. Helpful ideas and constructive questioning contribute to clarifying the problem and providing the best solution.

!!!

You could be in danger of getting a MYOB Soutra.

Phoenix is that dot trying to tell us something?

This does sound rather different to your OP and the impression you gave that he had no idra of how you felt. The "dirty look" also seems strange in the context of him npt loving you any more. But what about the practical issues? You seem to be in denial about the legal side of things. What about the house? Do you have a job that will keep you are your children still living at home? Divorce is not just about falling out of love and you have been.given practical pointers by many people who have been there.

Thank you so much Mini thank you

.

You know actually saying this out loud is helping me to figure it all out, prior to speaking about it, it was all one massive mess.

Someone mentioned on GN that I possibly do not have close family to talk to about this, well that is of sourse trus, only the children and I do not want to burden them with any of it, but I think that speing to GNetters has been even more helpful than speaking to family, had I had any, because it is a less Bias opinion/advice that I have received.

Thank you once agian

Paula I know how draining living your life must have been. Hopefully now you will start a new life and become 'you' again.

Yes phoenix after he said he did not love me any more, I changed, I became un trusting. then un trust led to falling out of love with him, slowly but very surely. Thank you for your post{smile]

You didn't mention in your OP that he had said he didn't love you any more, I was getting the impression that it was you that didn't love him?

THank you for your kind words and thoughts, yes I have been thinking about leaving for many years, I wanted to leave 10 years ago, we had sold the house and we were going our seperate ways but he became ill and I stayed to help him because I could not leave him unwell and alone.

But ten years down the line and I am still un happy,councelling is not going to help because I do not want to be with him any more, it has been over for a very long time, we live seperate lives.

I loved this man very much, he was my world til one day he came home and told me he did not love me any more and when I tried to reason with him he was quite nasty towards me and pushed me away.

We may aswell of split up that day because I never got over that.

I did not want to get so personal with it but you have all helped me so much that it is only fair that you know the whole story.

I want to thank you agian for your support, right now it means alot.

Lots of unanswered questions paula8 is it being intrusive to ask your response to them?

I think that getting legal advice is definitely what she should be concentrating on now...

Hopefully she can get an appointment fairly quickly and let us know how it went.

Elegran. Nail, head.

Any separation definitely needs legal advice. What may be agreed verbally between the parties can take a very different turn after a few months. Legal Advice will make clear the position, and especially if there are any children involved.

Coolgran65 and Sunseeker I think you've both hit the nail on the head. This isn't the sudden decision that it may seem, it's probably been bubbling under the surface for a long time.

Counselling will only work if both people are open to it. Going to sessions would be no good if only one person is willing to listen and participate, especially if one of them won't even acknowledge that there are problems to be addressed . . .

As Paula has already said on a previous post, coming on here has given her some clarity. Plus, she knows that others have 'taken the plunge', however reluctantly, and come through it.

I agree that Paula should seek legal advice to see where she stands and to work out the practicalities.

OP did not actually make it clear this was a done deal and members have offered genuine advice based on trying to be helpful. If paula merely wanted reasdurance that she had done the right thing this was not made clear. Elegran has said some very wise words. I would add "act in haste...repent at leisure"?

I don't think Paula would have made her decision based on the replies she received on this forum, more likely it was a decision she had already made. We don't know if she has friends or family she can talk this over with so maybe just posting on here helped her get everything straight in her head and gave her the impetus to take the first step

Wise words in every way, Elegran