Hello

Hello Paula - you haven't said how long you have felt this way, is it a recent feeling?

As others have said, it would be best to seek the help of people who are trained to help people in your situation. A psychologist once told me that many women feel the way you do; I know that doesn't help or make it go away but at least you know the feelings you have are the same feelings that many women have so it isn't a fault in you.

I do think you need to find out what is driving this before you do something as drastic as leaving your husband and see if the rift can be repaired.

I wish you well Paula and I hope you do ask for the advice and support that would help you.

I agree with previous posters - you do sound a bit depressed. Of course, if you are very unhappy in your personal life you will feel low anyway. Probably you need help, a counsellor, even the shoulder of a close friend, to help decide .... are you depressed, or are you sad because you are miserable in your relationship.

I'd never tell anyone to up-sticks, only you will be able to decide how unhappy you are.

Can I tell you a story. I was miserable for 22 years of marriage, and smiled outwardly all of the time. But I wept every day. My husband had a mental illness and guilt prevented me from leaving because he was essentially a good man.
One day his social worker asked me when was I going to start to look out for myself ?? Oh, I had many times dreamed of being on my own, my GP had even said I needed to get away from the situation.
Out of the blue, one night, I did it. I phoned my son who was 19 to come home and with him there, I told my husband that it was over. He really didn't believe me. Next morning I phoned hubby's social worker and ask her to come to the house as hubby would need some emotional support. I phoned my f-in-law and asked him to come to the house for the same reason. Next day the house went up for sale, it sold within a week. I bought a small house which was mortgage free and went to work full time. I never wanted to have to be with anyone ever again tho I 'dated' now and again.
What do you know. Within 3 years I met my now husband, wouldn't marry him at first and we spent many years with two homes. We are now married 10 years. Both retired.

The family of my first husband refused to have anything to do with me or my son. Within a couple of years of our separation my first husband was permanently hospitalised... he is now deceased.

Paula8 - It is not easy to walk away, have you ever mentioned this option to your children. How do your children feel about their father. Would they understand if you lived separately. Or do you feel that perhaps marriage counselling could bring back some feelings if all was talked openly. Would your husband go to counselling. And even if he wouldn't go, counselling is likely to help you see more clearly how you feel.

There is always the possibility that you are indeed medically depressed and thus seeing life in a negative fashion. How long have you felt like this.

One thing is sure, you deserve some joy in life. You deserve to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day.
I fully understand what it feels like to feel 'empty' and spent many years being empty.

Whatever you decide, whether it is to stay, or whether it is to get some thinking space and time on your own, it sounds like you need to do something. Otherwise, what will change ?? What do you hope for in 5 years, in 10 years ??

Please forgive me for making such a long post. I want to let you know that I have been exactly where you are. When I made my decision I didn't know where I would live or how I'd cope financially, but I knew that nothing could be more miserable that the misery I was already living.

I wish you well, I wish you a peaceful heart and the strength to talk to someone and find a way to contentment.

Paula8 as whitewavesays, you do sound depressed. Have you thought about phoning Samaritans, you don't have to be suicidal to talk to them and a human voice may help you. They are not there to judge, but to listen to you. Here is a great place to chat but sometimes one needs to hear a human voice.
Do give them a call. I hope this horrible space you are in can be resolved soon.

I've felt similar for the last fifty years. On and off.

Have an affair? Run off with his money? Get some happy pills from the doc?

Or think of the good things and see if they don't outweigh the bad?

Hello paula I think that what you describe is something that many of us have felt at some time in our marriage, but are still here to tell the tale.

First I think really that you should consider whether you are somewhat depressed and perhaps a visit to the Dr's may be helpful.
Once you have sorted that out counselling may be right for you both (although I have never tried that).

But tackle it head on and don't let it beat you!! Whatever the outcome try to be in charge of your feelings - very easily said at the moment I know - Remember nothing lasts forever and this will pass.