Would you let your 19yr old daughter share a double bed with her boyfriend?

Yes, Atqui, I was just going by how many had ended their posts by saying that the couple in question were still together, as if that somehow justified the sleeping-together decision...

When I was young (said in a shaky old voice) contraception was pre-pill and still very much hit and miss. (Actually hit and miss was one of the least reliable methods)

The yardstick for sleeping with anyone, anywhere, was whether you would be able to face being married to him and washing his socks, because if you found yourself up the duff, that is what would happen.

Ana think the ending up married bit is more by luck than judgement. how does anyone know how long a relationship will last? My girls are not now with the ones they first brought home-though I think they knew not to bring home any old bod for the night!

At 19 they are adults, but still need your permission, if they are living with you.It is your house at the end of the day. I can see why you may not want to see a strange male prowling around at breakfast time though.
This scenario happened years ago to a friend of mine;her daughter had a boyfriend and they had been together for about 6 months[they were 18] and eventually he began to stay overnight, in the girls' room, every so often.Then it happened more and more until he stayed over about 4 times a week. Then the almost inevitable happened, and she was pregnant. They were in love etc. and he moved in.My friend was not happy about this, as suddenly this man, her DD and the new baby were there for good, they had no money to live elsewhere.My friend's husband was very unhappy about the situation and they came close to divorce.Perhaps it's always better to have a place of your own, but I know it's not always possible either, so it's a balancing act.The least a couple can do is make sure there is no pregnancy though, it's not rocket science.

It would not bother me - you describe this person as a "boyfriend" and that sounds fine. If it was someone she had just picked up at a nightclub then I might feel rather differently - but then luckily my DDs had more self-respect so that sort of scenario did not arise.

Is this you GD gramps?

Wouldn't bother me - same as it didn't when my daughter brought her long term woman partner here to sleep over for a few nights...

So, the concensus seems to be that it's all right as long as they end up married, or still together some years later. No one's dared admit to letting their grown up child sleep with a temporary partner or two...

I wouldn't have a problem with it, either. Different if it was a one-night-stand, but if they're more or less committed to one another, then why not?

'too' shocked

I notice gramps hasn't been back today to comment on our opinions. I hope he wasn't to shocked by some!

petra Every generation thinks that they invented (for want of a better phrase) sex and drugs and rock and roll (thank you, Ian Drury for the title)

I remember quite a few years ago when an outwardly "respectable" friend in his early 70's asked some youngsters to look after his "plants" while he was away! The look of shock was quite comical!

News Alert. Shock Horror: teenagers having sex!!! Whatever next, drugs?

Yes I would. I would hope they would have enough respect for me to know that this was on the basis that it was a serious long term relationship and they couldn't bring home any Tom,Dick or Harry to sleep with.

numberplease Your post brought back memories. DH and I were engaged and a couple of months away from the wedding. DH had moved from another area and was lodging with my nan. When she went on holiday she took his keys off him so we couldn't be 'tempted' in her empty house.
Little did she know she'd played into our hands.He had to stay at ours for the week, I'm sure mum was aware of my visits to his room but nothing was ever said !

I think that everyone needs to look at how things have changed over the last couple of decades or so. (or perhaps longer!) I'm not saying that all change is for the good, but it doesn't do a lot of good to apply the same attitudes/rules whatever.

As the child (born in 1958) of an unmarried mother, I completely understand that "banning" doesn't work. Of course in the late 50's no-one would expect their boyfriends to be allowed to stay. However I think we need to be realistic, and understand that although we may not approve or condone, if teenagers/young unmarrieds want to have sex they will.

angiebaby your comment do what they like outside strikes me as the equivalent of sticking ones fingers in ones ears and going "la la la la"

When my DS finished university, he & his girlfriend,( now wife) moved into the ground floor of our town house, so that they could save up for the deposit to buy a flat. They lived with us, for about 10 months, & I am pretty sure that my best friend was horrified. I remember that when BF 's daughter went to visit her French pen friend, age about 16 so, about 25years ago, , the pen friend slept with her boyfriend in her parents bed, the parents were fine with that , but BF's daughter was castigated for having a glass of wine!

No. I can remember being very annoyed when visiting my future SIL`s parents, on going upstairs to the bathroom I passed an open bedroom door, and spotted what I knew to be the bed that they`d bought ready for when they were married, all made up for use. I thought that they shouldn`t have allowed it in their house, but was also too chicken to actually say anything. I lived with my grandma before getting married, and future hubby and I weren`t even allowed to hold hands in her company! I know I`m old fashioned, and possibly prudish, but that`s the way I am.

We let our daughter and son share a bed with their steady boyfriend/girlfriend once they were older teenagers, with the condition that they were responsible about contraception and that the parents were aware, and consenting. So I would not have an issue with this with my grandchildren.

I guess there are all kinds of situations that may make some families say Yes or No!
I would never have expected to sleep with my boyfriend at my parents house, though we did spend ages alone in my bedroom up in the attic. We are still together!

My own daughters never expected to be allowed to bring new boyfriends home and share a bed with them. When we had got to know someone and knew they considered themselves to be in 'a relationship' then that was a different situation. The only young men that they chose to share a bed with in our home are still their partners today.

sorry call me old fashioned,,,i was never allowed to sleep with any boyfreind in my mums house wouldnt have wanted to,,,,dare not telling her i was even having sex,,,aahhhhhh. she would have gone mad, i never let my girls have boyfreinds sleeping with them in beds in my home,,,,,do what they like outside,,,,,but not under my roof thank you, they thanked me years later and they laugh about it,......

phoenix that picture you conjured up made me smile.

In answer to the OP, yes.

Having been too "controlling" a mother when I was younger, I now see that it is important to trust your children's ability to do what is right for them. Mistakes and bad decisions will sometimes be made (and mature adults are not immune to this), but they will, hopefully, be learned from.

Why is it that the minute I see the phrase "going steady" I picture a young couple holding hands and and walking very slowly and carefully as if they were taking part in an egg and spoon race?

Left the back door unlocked too, so they could come in after the rest of us had gone to bed. They knew to be quiet and they were.

What ariadne said.

Except it was a single bed. They didn"t seem to mind.

@Ana perhaps we had higher sex drives in our day