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Introductions - a thing of the past?

(62 Posts)
KatyK Thu 26-Jun-14 18:14:08

If I am out with someone and I bump into someone I know (if that makes sense) I always introduce the two people to each other. My DH does this also but my DD never introduces me to anyone. Even when I have been with her to a couple of social occasions when my SIL couldn't go and there have been a lot of her friends and colleagues there, at no point has she said 'this is my mum'. I have just sat there feeling very awkward or have said 'I am her mum'. Is this a modern trend?

annodomini Thu 26-Jun-14 18:23:57

I hope it isn't a trend, Katy. As far as I remember, my two have always introduced me and so have their other halves.

KatyK Thu 26-Jun-14 18:28:26

I have wondered if I am an embarrassment or something. Next time it happens I am going ask her. I don't think I'm so bad!

kittylester Thu 26-Jun-14 18:37:27

Why don't you say 'Hello, I'm Katy, I'm DD's mum' I do that if I'm picking up from school or nursery and on of DGC comes out with a friend whose mum happens to be nearby!

merlotgran Thu 26-Jun-14 18:37:58

I think it's a confidence thing. Back in the day, introductions were formal and often led to handshakes and 'How do you do?' Etiquette ruled!

People are more familiar now so perhaps they think introductions are unnecessary. It's a shame because being introduced makes you feel included.

I know my children would always introduce me but I'm now wondering whether my grandchildren would.

KatyK Thu 26-Jun-14 18:46:30

kitty - yes I have started doing that but I just find it a bit upsetting that she doesn't do it. Ever. Merlot that's just it I feel excluded. I am very under-confident anyway, but I do try. Up until a few years ago, she always introduced me and seemed proud of me. Now I am not so sure sad Perhaps it's the old and invisible thing rearing it's head although I am only 64 and I don't think I look it. smile Thanks for your thoughts.

TriciaF Thu 26-Jun-14 19:04:03

That's very strange, because I had a disturbing dream, just before I woke up this morning.
I was with someone of my age and he said, here's my son and his family. I went up to each of them to shake their hand and all I got was a blank look and limp hands.
Still puzzling over what it meant.
As you say, maybe the old and invisible thing.

KatyK Thu 26-Jun-14 21:27:23

I don't know really. What I do know is that I feel that I don't matter, that other people matter more than me. Probably just a bit thoughtless.

Grannyknot Thu 26-Jun-14 21:56:28

KatyK I'd also be upset and probably mention to my daughter (in private of course) to please include me by introducing me. I can't really comment because my daughter always introduces me to people as "This is my mum" and then gives my first name. I doubt it's the old and invisible thing. Perhaps it is just being a bit thoughtless. Say something, gently.

A while ago we were at a fairly distant family member's house at Christmas, and there was a really elderly woman there (in her 90s), someone mum, and my daughter came to me during the course of the afternoon and said that she felt sorry for "that old lady" because people were ignoring her "and so I'm going to take her around now and introduce her to everyone, make sure you talk to her about Eastenders" grin. And I never watch it!

I read this thread thinking it would be about the dreaded thing that happened to me recently - when someone came and joined in where I was talking to another person - and I couldn't remember the person who had joined the conversation's name - and I knew that the longer the time ticked by, the ruder I would seem, especially as he had greeted me by name, and I should have known who he was! (In my defense, I meet a heck of a lot of people through work). Anyway I was saved by the bell because a fourth person joined our group and greeted the "joiner" by name, which jogged my memory for his surname (phew!).

KatyK Fri 27-Jun-14 09:43:36

Grannyknot How kind of your daughter. It's awful when you can't remember someone's name isn't it? I'm usually pretty good but it's happened on the odd occasion. Thank goodness you were saved. smile

glammanana Fri 27-Jun-14 11:07:42

KatyK I certainly wouldn't think you are an embarrassment as your DD has asked you a few times to accompany her,she may just be so relieved you are with her for support and expects her friends to know who you are,they are so thoughtless sometimes aren't they ? she is probably presuming you are enjoying yourself at being at the social event.
When I think about it the only person who always makes a fuss about introducing me is my eldest DGS who always sings my praises when we are out and he meets up with anyone he knows,mind you he does have a way with him I think it must be the Portuguese half of his parentage showing through.

KatyK Fri 27-Jun-14 11:28:41

glamma - that's lovely of your DGS. Yes it is thoughtlessness. My DD hasn't given it a thought I'm sure and assumes as you say. She has a set of friends who are very loud and gushing and sort of 'take over' every situation. My DD seems to look up to them and goes along with it all. Our family are quiet people, we tend to blend into the background and sometimes get forgotten about I think. Maybe I should be a bit more pushy!

janerowena Fri 27-Jun-14 17:54:23

It's definitely dropping out of fashion. Partly I think because the americans are taught to introduce themselves, I remember when I was young thinking how pushy they were! But it makes sense. DBH has very good manners, but he always seems to assume that I already know everyone wherever we go. Not so and I am dreadful at remembering who people are and if I have ever seen them before, let alone what their names are.

Now, I just say loudly 'Aren't you going to introduce me?' or 'Hello, I'm Jane' so that they then have to introduce themselves, whilst gritting my teeth in a rictus grin at DBH.

NfkDumpling Fri 27-Jun-14 18:02:34

I've stopped introducing people myself mainly because my mind generally goes blank and I forget one or both names! confused And I never did master who should be introduced to whom first.

I like the American trend to introduce yourself. You know who you are and whether or not you've met the other person before.

Silverfish Fri 27-Jun-14 18:56:02

Whats wrong with introducing yourself, I just say Hi, Im......and give a grin, it works everytime. I cant stand people who want to sit back and wait to be introduced, my mother is like this and says she is shy but we all know that shyness is a form of attracting attention, hoping that people will notice a person who is sitting quietly in the background and the shy person doesn't have to make an effort to reach out to anyone.

KatyK Fri 27-Jun-14 19:08:20

Shyness a form of attracting attention? Do you really think so?

Grannyknot Fri 27-Jun-14 19:13:59

silver I don't think that shyness is a form at attention seeking at all. My daughter was very shy as a child and she is 35 this year and she is definitely shy and far from an attention seeker, she still blushes like a teenager when the spotlight falls on her. And she hates it.

I like Nfk's solution.

Nelliemoser Fri 27-Jun-14 19:18:16

but we all know that shyness is a form of attracting attention!

I am sorry to be quite so blunt but to suggest shyness is a form of attention seeking is a load of b******S.

I was very shy when I was younger, it makes you feel that if you do try to introduce yourself no one will take any notice of you and you will be rejected.

Elegran Fri 27-Jun-14 19:20:17

Oh Silverfish are you in a bad mood today? I have just read your grumpy response to the meetup that glassortwo has been planning.

Shyness a means of gaining attention? That must be a windup! The last thing that shy people want is attention. Complete invisibilty would be preferable.

Silverfish Fri 27-Jun-14 19:22:31

Its an inverted form of attention seeking because they think we will be kinder to them without their having to make an effort. We were told that shyness was just an act when I was at school and to ignore anyone playing along and Ive always believed it.
After all if you want something or need something you should go out and ask for it, but a shy person will hope others will help them or ask on their behalf.
I have a friend like this, she will not go out, her friends have to come to the house and ask her, she still wont go, then her friends threaten to drag her out and eventually she gets dressed and goes unwillingly with them for a night out where after a while she enjoys herself as they all go to the bar for her as she is too shy to go , they bring her food as she wont go to a buffet alone and they have to take her home as she is too shy to go on public transport.
My elderly mother always said she would never go to a bar alone as it was always a mans job to seek drinks so I told her if she would not take her turn she would sit without a drink or food, the next time we went out she queued at the bar like anyone else. I really cant stand shrinking violets, why should I put up with it, no-one would with me!!!

Elegran Fri 27-Jun-14 19:25:59

Yes, you are definitely in a bad mood today.

Silverfish Fri 27-Jun-14 19:28:27

Its not a case of being in a bad mood, just cant stand shrinking violets

Ana Fri 27-Jun-14 19:29:57

What kind of school was it you went to that would tell you rubbish like that, Silverfish? You do seem to have a very big chip on your shoulder...hmm

Elegran Fri 27-Jun-14 19:34:50

You prefer bluntness? So why did you feel "insulted" that a meet-up in which you had showed absolutely no interest at all was organised by a very busy gransnetter on a day and in a place that you could not attend? Is that not a very effective way of attracting attention? Very bad attention, as there are many people who will think you rude and selfish, but it achieved the aim. It sounds VERY like attention seeking to me!

You have been noticed. Well done!

Now you can report me for referring to another thread. OK. If this is deleted I will still have said what I think, not been a shrinking violet.

Silverfish Fri 27-Jun-14 19:35:36

Ana, I went to school in the early 60s and you got thumped by staff, ridiculed and name called if you did not fit in, it was a normal sec mod.
I failed the 11 plus but after leaving school I went to college and got 5 gce at good grades. We had to be tough in those days and I remember a shy girl who had no life but wee didn't feel sorry for her she just had to get on. I met her recently and of course shes a granny now and shes as tough as old boots, fights for her family like anyone else. You had to be tough to survive in those days. Not a case of being a chip on the shoulder just realistic.