would a other grans be hurt by this

I can see why she might want warning that she is going to drop in, and it is easy enough to do.
I never understand the clothes snobbery bit- you can get such lovely things second hand and they are next to new. However if she has one of those odd daughters it isn't worth fighting. She should stick to getting second hand books and toys and keeping them at her house to play with.
They do relax more as the child becomes older or they have more than one.
Control issues are at their height with a first baby.

Faye

That's right, Leticia, often everything has to be 'just so' with a first baby.
Probably the girl's heart sinks when she sees her mother arrive with yet again a bagful of rubbish second-hand recycled stuff.

You say, ethel that she is the youngest daughter - perhaps as the youngest she got all the hand-me-downs from her sisters - which could have been second-hand in the first place and she is determined that her own baby will have new!

sounds like your friend needs to grow some thicker skin if i am being totally honest with you. she should be willing to fork out a little extra money for her grandchildren like any GOOD granny would.

If she is going to fork out extra money it would be better to start a saving scheme for when the grandchild really needs it rather than wasting it on new baby clothes. If her daughter is terribly fussy it is best to let her get her own- even if she got new they would probably be 'wrong'.
A 'good' granny is all about time anyway and nothing to do with money.
(Maybe the daughter has something against hand me downs if she was the youngest)

a saving scheme is one thing but that wont matter if your grandkid doesnt even want to go to school because they are being bullied because of their cheap clothes. they need to be dressed in the best stuff possible to make friends and get through school like a normal child. it shouldnt be a problem for any granny to just buy their grandkids something nice every so often. some call it spoiling, but in my opinion it's just doing what you need to do not to neglect a child.

they need to be dressed in the best stuff possible to make friends and get through school like a normal child

That is so shallow!
I would hope they would be wearing a school uniform which is a great leveller!

Perhaps your friend could flog the re-cycled stuff she gets out of skips and re-covers, then put the money into an Junior ISA for the baby.

Personally I would rather they had good quality stuff second hand than cheap, badly produced new. Who would know it was second hand?
Plus the baby isn't going to school! The baby couldn't care less what it is wearing or where it came from!
Even when they are old enough to go to school I can't see why you need to bother when they have uniform.
If you are going to get friends from what you are wearing, or your possessions, they are not 'real' friends. It also doesn't work like that- it is character that gets friends.
If the daughter does think in this shallow way then I would opt out of buying stuff and give experiences and your time.
A good idea to sell the stuff and save the money for the baby.

'Normal' children are not bothered by clothes. If they are not dirty and messy by the end of it they are not having a good time! Nothing is sadder than a parent getting cross because they have paint on their jumper or not wanting them to roll down hills, climb trees , jump in puddles etc because they will get their clothes dirty.
As they get older you could keep the second hand clothes at your house and they can wear them to make mud pies etc and do the fun things without causing upset.

No, they don't need to be dressed in the best stuff possible. That is just colluding with the bullies who make life hell for those whose parents can only afford the cheapest and worst possible.

That is not to say that they should go to school on principle in rags or in the weariest of charity shop rejects. Their parents should buy them things of good quality which will last, but not assume that only the very best (ie the most expensive clothes bearing the label of a prominent and well-advertised brand) will do.

For goodness sake, don't turn them into snobbish little consumerists from birth. The advertising agencies are already working hard on that.

And if you have saved the money they could use it to buy clothes as teenagers when they are bothered by image.

I still don't know how anyone else would know it was second hand- the granny is not going to buy anything that is tatty, shabby etc!

All my G/C wear school uniforms, thought most did nowadays !

I'm all for 2nd hand clothes, however, there are second hand clothes that are in really good condition and 2nd hand clothes that are tatty, discoloured and don't look very appealing.

If she has been a keen recycler all her life, maybe her DD has been the one bullied because of her mum's 'keen recycling' maybe she has had 2nd hand clothing of the tatty and unappealing kind?

Maybe she wanted to make clear to her mum that her DD was going to have new clothes because she never did. Maybe. That's how it has come across to me.

I expect she will be OK in the long run- things often miss out a generation and the grandchild will have a lovely time recycling with her grandma- both thinking the mother is a bit odd! It is the way things go.