Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

bringing up baby/toddler.

(51 Posts)
Coolgran65 Sun 22-Feb-15 07:50:37

My little grandson age 18 months has been co sleeping with his parents since birth. This suits them very well. Child goes to bed at around 9 or 10pm and sleeps until anywhere from 8 to 10ish. He is a delightful child, very happy and good natured. He makes all his assessments with flying colours.

He was breast fed until at least 9 months, and could possibly still be breast fed......I haven't asked about that. They live very far away and we skype once a week and email regularly.
Talking about a future trip home I mention our travel cot and was told it's not will be sleeping with mum and dad.

Baby is being brought up in a very caring way, only milk and water, no juice. No sugar. Has never tasted chocolate or anything sweet. Is a great eater...Well into his fruit and veg. Only got shoes last month. Never used any baby walking aids because these are thought not

Ia good for baby's back. Both parents are highly educated and employed professionals. Their working hours ate arranged so that paid childcare isn't needed. They can adjust working hours to suit. Very occasionally they call upon a nanny who comes to their home for the day.
They are well paid, own their own home. They are not materialistic in that their car is 10 years old, eat organic food only.

As I write this I'm feeling quite proud of their parenting.
They are probably a little hippyish. Don't iron clothing. Don't own an iron or a television.

There is just a little wonder in my mind, is it all a little too much 'different.'
I would never say anything negative to them regarding parenting or way of life. After all, it appears to work very well. Baby was born when parents 40ish.

A comment from a friend referring to them (kindly) as treehuggers just caused me to step back and ponder.

Still co sleeping at 18 months.
No little cartoons for baby.
Likely to be still breastfeeding at 18 months.

I'm quite content that they have their own style.

Just out of interest. What do other gnetters think. ?

Liz46 Sun 22-Feb-15 08:04:00

It sounds to me as though they are coping well and the baby is happy and healthy. What more could anyone want?

Coolgran65 Sun 22-Feb-15 08:11:24

I agree...... It is others who have intimated to me that it's all a bit too different and make him 'different' when he goes to school.

kittylester Sun 22-Feb-15 08:14:07

I agree Liz and, in my experience, not too different! My niece is very similar and DD1 and her DH started off on the no tv, no sugar road but saw that was not going to work when the children went to school!

That is the time when it could be a worry, if DGS felt too different from his school friends but he is obviously getting a really good start with caring and loving parents! Enjoy!

loopylou Sun 22-Feb-15 08:19:53

Sounds excellent to me, apart from the sleeping and childcare arrangements it echoes my DGS's upbringing, and he's the same age, a very happy and well-adjusted child. They don't have a tv etc and it doesn't seem hippyish to me, just a way of living that suits them all very well, and most importantly the child is thriving.
The rest of your post is eerily similar! Enjoy having such a happy family smile, I do!

kittylester Sun 22-Feb-15 08:20:07

Most people adjust their thinking on bringing up children when little friends talk about things on TV and when they are invited to birthday parties. But, lots of parents are like these two, to a greater or lesser extent, so I doubt your DGS will be that different!

rosequartz Sun 22-Feb-15 10:02:56

DD was like yours with DGS, but it has gone by the board now he is a bit older - however he still eats very healthily and all my DGC like their fruit and vegetables.
The organic bamboo nappies went quite soon as they were so difficult to dry!

Your DGS will learn soon enough about the wicked ways of the world.

vegasmags Sun 22-Feb-15 10:16:43

They sound like wonderful parents - I'd be very proud of them.

Anya Sun 22-Feb-15 10:19:54

It's their choice so not up to others to judge. However, though the danger time is passed without any problem, co-sleeping is though to increase the risk of SIDS.

Hunt Sun 22-Feb-15 10:23:36

It's been like this for years! We gave in over the television problem when our five year old daughter came home from school one day and said with tears in her eyes, ''Mummy, who is Andy Pandy?'' Nuff said. You can't go on making them 'different' if it makes them unhappy.

soontobe Sun 22-Feb-15 10:23:52

It may ultimately be up to the child himself.
Whether he is happy to be a bit different or not.
By the time he is five or six, he will start to have his own views.

Mishap Sun 22-Feb-15 10:34:10

Sounds really lovely - what a lucky child!

He will adapt to what he needs to as time goes by - in the meantime, he is loved and cherished and his parents have obviously given a great deal of thought to what they want for him, and that is excellent.

Two of my DGSs are sitting in my living room as I write watching Lady and the Tramp - they started off like your GS, but when the oldest got to school, and Mum was harassed with 2 children............

rosequartz Sun 22-Feb-15 13:34:58

It reminds me of when DGS went to a friend's birthday party (5th birthday) and was tucking into the goodies there. Another mother (whose child is obese and can't move about easily) said to DGS 'Make the most of it, ***, you don't get this at home do you'. So DD said 'No, because this is party food isn't it, ***'.

Coolgran65 Sun 22-Feb-15 14:12:50

Thank you all for your very positive and heartwarming responses. They are very reassuring. I guess I just don't want dgc to be at a disadvantage when he gets to school days. But as you say.....he will of course in due course make his own little demands and test the boundaries.

Last week I asked if he ever watched any baby cartoons which can be very educational (would have to be downloaded as no tv). Well actually there is one really old tiny tv in a cupboard but they don't pay for cable tv. When we visited (long distance) last year we all watched a movie downloaded to the lap top and didn't miss the tv in 2.5 weeks.

Anyway, regarding the baby cartoons ds told me that their paediatrition recommended no tv until at least 2 years to prevent overstimulation. Dgs certainly gets plenty of one to one attention and playtime.

Thanks again, I guess any differences at present will mellow.....And are indeed for the best.

Ds asked me....did I think dgs could become whiny and difficult like many children he sees....... My response was that wee ones will always try to push the boundanies and test you.

Didn't bother to mention the terrible twos !!!! Ds and ddil will find out soon enough smile smile

Eloethan Sun 22-Feb-15 14:56:37

Seems perfectly OK to me. I can think of a lot worse ways for a child to be brought up.

Coolgran65 Sun 22-Feb-15 20:56:28

Isn't Gransnet great. sunshine

Stansgran Sun 22-Feb-15 21:11:37

My only caveat is that DGS1 and DGD have never had a tv and in my opinion are desperate to watch it and will watch anything ,the most utter rubbish fascinates them . I found DGS 1 hiding in a cupboard watching something on a lap top . My own feeling is that if tv is watched with adults supervising and not used as a babysitter and criticised they learn to discriminate. DGS2and3 have their own iPads and know to switch off. They treat them as useful tools as they should.

Deedaa Sun 22-Feb-15 21:20:49

GS2 was co sleeping till he was 2 and still creeps in with Mummy and Daddy from time to time. He's 2 years 2 months now and still breast fed if he can wangle it.No fizzy drinks and very little junk food. He watches a lot of CBeebies, but he does a lot of other stuff as well.

Coolgran65 Sun 22-Feb-15 22:44:40

Stansgran I have seen from my other grandchildren 7 and 4, who live locally how they love their cartoons and their ipads. And DGD aged 7 loves Bargain Hunt and Tipping Point etc. When DGD comes to us after school once a week, she loves to see a programme before homework. We watch it together and I look for the educational points, even in Tipping Point where physics comes into play with regard to the balance of the counters/discs, counting the scores etc.

Your dgs1 who watched his lap top in a cupboard.... lol... a boy of ingenuity.

Deedaa Regarding the co sleeping, the parents of my other grandchildren and the grandchildren of friends.... had the goal of baby sleeping all night in their own rooms..... breast fed to 6 months at the most. This is my first experience of the co sleeping etc.

Actually, I am feeling rather proud of the DS and DDIL under discussion for their perserverance in their method of child rearing ..... which is quite different from that of the rest of the family.

Though I must say that my DGC who live locally are beautifully mannered and well rounded children. Even if they do get their cartoons/ipads, Macdonalds, Sweet treats etc etc.

We all walk our own path.

grannyactivist Sun 22-Feb-15 23:05:57

TV is such a modern invention that I really find it difficult to see why there is so much concern for children who don't have one in the home. I didn't watch TV until I was 6 or 7 and I don't feel that I lost out on anything much. My children didn't watch TV and now that they're adults three out of four still choose not to. Coolgran65 my grandchildren do watch cartoons and that's fine, but it wouldn't do them any harm at all not to. I think your grandchild is fortunate to have lovely parents who have obviously made conscious decisions about how they want to bring him up and have a happy thriving little one as a result.

harrigran Sun 22-Feb-15 23:36:27

Am I the only person who worries about babies sleeping in the parental bed ? Not watching TV when tiny is fine because they have zero attention span but as they get older they may feel they are missing out.

rubylady Mon 23-Feb-15 03:09:25

My son slept in with me, but only me so has lots of air around him and I froze for four years with the quilt only up to my waist. He wouldn't have had it any other way, from the day he was born he was determined not to sleep anywhere without me and it was fine although after that time I was a bit shattered. I was breast feeding him too, until 8 months.

It is each to their own, we all bring babies up different and as long as they are happy, then that is all that matters.

My brother doesn't have a tele in his house neither. Maybe this is more common that we think?


Coolgran65 Mon 23-Feb-15 07:12:11

Aye, this no tv bit does seem more common than I thought.
I grew up in a home where it wad a constant companion.

rosequartz Mon 23-Feb-15 15:05:06

Co-sleeping would worry me too, especially when they are very tiny, harrigran.

Everything else sounds ideal to me.

GillT57 Mon 23-Feb-15 15:48:59

I have a TV and my two watched it when little. but I didn't put on children's tv which i think is inane. I would put on a short video and when that was watched it was switched off. I hate to go into a house where the TV is on constantly, even if there are no children there. We bought a huge bed when second child was born to allow for night visitors, with four and the cat it got a bit crowded at times.