visits not allowed

Do they think that they need your help because they are busy, or is that your opinion?

I still don't know why you can't visit. Have you been turned away at the door? Told to stay away when you suggested a visit? Had a row while you were there, or they were at yours? Have they been busy or had other things arranged?

How often have you tried to visit? How often have you invited them? How often do you phone, email, text, Skype?

When you are together, do you follow their lead in how DGS is treated or do things the way you think they should be done?

No overnights , there not needed just daytime when they are busy.

I would be very very nervous about looking after a baby overnight - even my own DGC!

A bit of loving, friendly mothering and grandmothering not smothering would be my advice.

I think it's very odd too... from the gran's point of view since that's the only view we have right now.

And I second elegran's points.

Shut up with that rubbish about me, jings, and just speak for yourself, if you please. Damn cheek.

I think it's very odd.

On a different note my DGS was over a year old before I babysat for him, and DS kept texting me from the restaurant and cinema to check - they were only a 10 minute walk away!
Ok, it's different because I'd gone to stay for a few days but new parents need to know that they can ask, rather than be pressured IMO.

Cutting off the nose to spite the face, as they say.

You are trying to force them to play by your rules - no wonder they are backtracking and keeping a wide berth - who can blame them!

You are going to have to amend your desires - tell them you realise that they do not need you to look after the child while they work and that you are OK with that - that you do not want to have him overnight till they feel he is ready. You have been giving them the impression that you know best and that you are trying to take over. Apologise for getting off on the wrong foot with them. Unless you make it clear that you are willing to play by their rules you will finish up with nowt - and it will be you who is the loser.

A cheerful, short phone call once a week or so may be a good idea - just to see how they all are and to give them any news you may have, without asking when you are going to see them or if you can come over or pressurising them in coming over to see you. No ulterior motive except to see how things are.
Just keep in touch!

lizzyr I think if you could explain what you mean by "not being allowed" it would be easier for us to understand the situation. Has your son and/or your daughter-in-law expressly forbidden you to visit? Have they refused all invitations to visit you? Have they told you they don't want you to see your grandson?
Or is it that you have perhaps rung and invited them at short notice and they've had other plans or are too busy? Or maybe you've offered to look after your grandson every day while they work and your daughter-in-law feels threatened by this?
I would keep in touch with them, ask them over now and then (not too often, and don't ring too often). Offer your help, but not repeatedly, and don't try to push it on them, just let them know you're there if ever they need you. Leave the door ajar for them, don't close it. I'm sure it will all work itself out if you give them time.

I used to get upset over thinking that the other grandparents were seeing DGD more than we did, or other little things. Now I go with the flow. We see her more often than some grandparents see their grandchildren. I don't want to fall out and not see her at all. At the end of the day, they are the parents, not us.

What would be worse would be a direct refusal to meet at all perhaps in response to being pressurised. You don't create a happy family by issuing ultimatums and threatening to not see them at all if they don't do as you want. That is just asking for them to call your bluff and say "Ok, then, do that" Then the next time we hear from you, it will be on the same thread as Celebgran and Smileless who are completely cut off.

Invite them specifically to a family meal - Easter would be a good time, but if they already have plans for that day, suggest another.

Eight months isn't too young to taste a smear of chocolate - unless his parents veto it. Start 'em young!

Ooh. I can't remember. I don't think so. Not a little Buttons one.

Isn't 8 months a bit young for Easter Eggs?

I'm sorry, but I think if lizzyr refuses to ever invite them over and is stubborn about the next move being theirs then she risks not seeing them at all.

But they came over at Christmas - perhaps the eating place is halfway between and if they are so busy ....

I only saw my DP at Christmas, Easter and summer holidays.

I'm not sure how it could be worse. I can't begin to imagine only seeing my grandkids at eating places! It's just not the same.

That's about right I think, soon

Make the most of each time you have together even if it's not as often as you would like.

I think you give them a definite invitation to Sunday lunch. Tell them you have got Easter Eggs for them all. (not just the baby)

Having now read a number of these sorts of threads, I have come to the conclusion that grandparents are quite divided on this issue.
In your case, probably half are going to say, it is fine. And half are not.

Personally, I think it is a little tough on you, but it could be a whole lot worse.

If your DIL has gone back to work and your DS is taking the baby with him then her parents (if she has any?) are not looking after the baby either. They must be rushed off their feet, as so many young families are these days, and not that near for frequent visits.

I also wondered (and you may think this is daft) if you have very exacting standards of housework and are very houseproud? Perhaps their house (as many are when a young family is very busy) is a bit of a tip and your DIL is a bit embarrassed to have her MIL over?

Seeing the child 4 times is OK - I would call that a satisfactory outcome. If the parents get so fed up with being put under pressure and withdraw even that amount of contact then that would be a very unsatisfactory outcome indeed - just not worth the risk.

Oh lizzyr do trawl through some of the sad threads on this site of grandparents who have been cut out of their children's and grandchildren's lives and learn from their sadness. How can you threaten not to have them round next Christmas? How can you add "or any other time"? You are sad because you say you have never been able to form a relationship with your 8 month old DGS but you have the rest of your life to do that. He is a baby, he wouldn't necessarily recognise you except as a friendly face and anyway you say you have visited/seen him 5 times. I feel very close to my 6 month old DGD But thinking of it I have only seen her a total of perhaps 6 times including her christening when she was surrounded by so many people, I don't think she had the faintest idea who was around her anyway! She smiles at everybody anyway and has no idea who "Granny" is.
You really would benefit by being less dogmatic and by not creating a potential problem. Read what smileless or celbgran and others have had to go through and think carefully if you want to create a situation like that.

Well, it's not much of an outcome at the moment!

And no-one is "throwing their toys out of the pram". Downright ridiculous, and nasty, expression.