Pangs of sadness through getting old

Singing is a brilliant antidote to feeling down - you release lots of jolly-making chemicals and you benefit from company. There is nothing quite so uplifting as as making music with a group of others - there is a sense of joint achievement which is wonderful, and in my choir we have a good laugh about the initial untuneful efforts.

Most small towns now have unauditioned community choirs who will take anyone of any age whether they read music or not, and whether they have good voices or not - it truly is worth a go as a way of rising above the aches and pains of growing older and the feelings of sadness at what you will miss.

I often think we should have a gransnet choir online - I could send out audio parts and people could then record themselves singing their part - and we could splice them all together and have a listen! Gransnet up for this??!

Everyone is getting older every second at the same rate, even the newest born baby. We all progress through the stages of age at the same rate as all people have since people began. We all remember our children as babies, children, young adults. Now mine are in their 40s, they are complaining about the first grey hairs and how hard it is to keep their weight down. My grandchildren have now passed the baby and toddler stage and are both at school and growing fast. They too are following the same progression as everyone else.

If you have life, death will inevitably follow at sometime and having experienced the premature loss of several people dear to me I am thankful for every second of my old age, my it go on a long time.

I get sad about the number of Springs and Christmasses I might still have in front of me. And I don't like to be expected to fade into the background.

I'm not bothered about looking old.

Mishap it works on your own too. Especially in the bathroom.

DH and I have just got back from having bloods done at the surgery and a neighbour I haven't seen for years came in. She told us she is 82 and looked so good. I do believe attitude helps. We do get down in the winter and while I would admit to an occasional twinge of sadness I don't dwell on it,we must make the most of the time we have left.

Playing uplifting music helps too (I don't mean religious music, unless that is your choice, but any music that lifts the spirits.) Nothing in a minor key, nothing slow or depressing. You want a rhythm that is near heartbeat speed, and subtle enough in its variations to keep you listening without being bored.

Recommendations please Elegran ?

The really frustrating thing of course is that just when you have the time to do the things you have always wanted to do, you don't have the strength or fitness to do them! Sigh.

I totally agree Elegran when I am feeling down (which is often because I am a miserable cow) I play some happy, uplifting music (preferably quite loud) and it really does help. It is hard to be miserable with "Happy" being played in the background isn't it?

Attitude really does help annsixty although I am still one of the "kids" in our family according to my mum and grandma. Pity I don't see a kid looking back at me when I look in the mirror.

Stansgran Everyone likes a different style. I go for trad jazz, which has a good beat, and has improvisation where soloists do all kinds of twiddly bits while keeping to the rhythm and the main theme. The immortal Satchmo and Sydney Bechet from way back of course, and from my mis-spent dancing youth, Chris Barber's jazz group (not the later ones, when he went all "big band" production) and in particular when Monty Sunshine is playing his clarinet. Even the sad songs make you feel better, somehow. The double CD of "Classic Concerts Revisited" is playing as I type.

Then there are Acker Bilk and Kenny Ball and al the others of that era.

Bach is measured and calming, too.

I remember a study where some students were played structured music (some classical, some modern) while they learnt, with others as a control. The ones with structured music did better.

Well so much for having purpose each day as I said in my posting before. My purpose today was to attend a U3A meeting as a new member. It was DIRE!!! no-one spoke to us- the speaker was not suitable for that audience - Nursery Rhymes very poorly researched - lots of historical inaccuracies delivered in a v...e..r..y s...l...o...w v...o...I...c...e. It was the University of the Living Death- not going again.

What a shame, Teetime. I have found U3A to be congenial even when the speaker turns out to be useless - and it has happened! Even when I don't know someone, I often get involved in a chat. I sit behind my Creative Writing table, trying to attract new writers to our group and people come up and speak to me even if they don't want to join us. Joining one of the interest groups might be the answer for you even if the open meeting isn't.

Uplifting music? Mozart does it for me every time; and a big choral work like Walton's Belshazzar's Feast, which is quite noisy and stirring.

I don't feel old (I am only 66!). I have a poster pinned to my notice board in the kitchen which says "Growing older is inevitable, growing up is optional". Always makes me smile.

When I was 30 I thought anyone over 50 was old - now I don't!

I agree it is a question of attitude (and I speak as someone who suffered depression for many years). I go out every day and meet people, at first it was hard, walking into a group on my own where I didn't know anyone, but most people are understanding and friendly. My DH was very outgoing and sociable and could speak to anyone and everyone, whereas I am quite shy (until you get to know me!) so for years I was able to ride along on his shirt tails so to speak. Now I am alone I have to get out there myself, as I said to my sister in law yesterday, the world isn't going to come and knock on my door, I have to get out there and make the most of what time I have left!

I was the same with my local u3a Teetime; only went to a meeting once and then did a walk with the walking group. Annoyingly, when we started the walk another u3a group were in the car park; I got chatting to them and found them really good fun[wish I'd stayed with them]. Me and another new member walked together cause no one talked to us and when we slipped back to the car park no one seemed to notice we'd left. Like WI groups I think they vary a lot. I know of a very active walking group oop north but I'm not there very often. I will give u3a another go, though at some time.

Yes I am going to try a walking group- walkers are usually chatty. I am going to give WI another go. I spoke with the local regional HQ who advised me to visit the three which run locally and then if I didn't like them consider starting a new one so that's what I will do and will keep you posted.

I agree that you do have to persevere over joining a group, any group. Sometimes it works out well and you become accepted instantly, other times it is a hard slog to find someone to talk to. We've moved around quite a lot over the years, so I have had to make new friends many times. I found it best to go along to as many groups as possible that vaguely took my fancy and then drop the ones I didn't like or who didn't like me. It's hard to start with but eventually you are no longer 'the newbie'. WIs seem to vary hugely. Some are fun and outgoing, others are no fun at all. Good idea, Teetime, to start another one if the others don't suit you. I assume the WI headquarters (or whatever) will give you some help?

U3a book groups are usually a good bet, as you discuss books as a group.

you do have to persevere over joining a group
Bit like here really.

Juliette I agree about perseverance, which can be difficult if things don't gel on first attempt.
When I joined GN it took a while to get familiar with names and the relevant personalities and also to get over feeling like an outsider/onlooker. It took the effort of making a post/response without worrying if it sounded foolish.

I think this goes for just about everything.

The only thing that makes me sad about being old is that I won't know what becomes of my baby grandchildren. That's what happens when two generations have children in their late thirties. Even if I live to be very old, I will be dead before they find their paths in life. Not much we can do about it though! Enjoy every day while we can.

I'm going to haunt them. In a good way.

I haven't read all the posts but many seem to be saying that it is a question of attitude and recognising that others are often worse off.

I'm afraid I don't think either of these matter. If you are feeling life (or you) is/are a little pointless and/or that it is not what you had hoped for at this stage you are obviously not being positive because you don't feel positive. All comparisons are invidious so telling someone that others are worse off is really unhelpful and just makes the person making the remark feel morally superior.

I think that for many, dealing with loneliness, a lack of feeling of having a place in society, sometimes little money so few choices and the vicissitudes of age plus the possibility of caring for someone who is not going to get better, can lead to low level depression. Being told to get on with it and mix with a group of different ages (which may not be possible) is really not going to help although I am pleased to hear that some do this and it makes them feel good.

Gracesgran there are bound to be some regrets in later life, because most of us have had to make choices along the way and inevitably find ourselves wondering what might have been, had we chosen differently.
But we can accept that we made our choices and make the best of them, or we can choose to live our last years in what you call low-level depression.
I'm not sure I would call it that - depression is an illness which can be treated. I think low mood is perhaps more accurate.
I really don't think that being grateful for one's own blessings is at all the same as looking at other people less fortunate, and feeling morally superior.

I agree strongly with Gracesgran's post. And yes, it is low level depression.

Life at this age is not all roses. And what seems to be beneficial ways of dealing with it to some, can seem impossible to tackle, to others. We are all different in some ways.