Pangs of sadness through getting old

Perhaps it's those of us in our 60s and early 70s who feel the 'pangs' the most, having had possibly unrealistic expectations of the joys of retirement.

annsixty, I understand what you meant now. Respect.

Surely if someone is ill, you just look after them, nothing to do with DNA.
My mother was a nurse, and I always said I would never be a nurse. I ended up being my husband's carer for over 15 years. What was the alternative? As annsixty says, you just do it.

I have to say that I have no pangs of sadness through getting old – just an element of surprise that it has happened when I wasn't looking.

Tegan - don't burn the diary. I'm keeping mine as an account of life in 1973. It's got the price of things e.g. a pushchair cost £4.50. I won't read it again because it does make me sad, but I'm keeping it for my grandchildren.

My parents and my husband's parents are mentioned in it and they are the gks great grandparents.

I have kept a daily diary for over 55 years and have boxes full of them. It is very interesting - and informative to look back and read what we were up to. It is a sort of social history of an ordinary woman's life story.

However, what do I do with them? If I don't decide, when I die someone else will have to decide. Or do I leave them to some social studies organisation? Or should I just burn them? Any ideas?

Teegran, and all Grans, please never destroy any diaries, they are the social history of the future, a little bit of you that will live on.
Teegran, join in some of the light hearted threads - join a virtual world where truth and fact blur, become any person you would wish to be for a few minutes, it's fun.

For all of my married life I was coping with my widowed mother who was a great character but very very demanding. (It went on for nearly 40 years.)

I'm now the old Gran living on her own in a flat - and to be honest although I'm 68 I feel much too young to be cast in this role.

I try so hard not to be an old misery - but it's not always easy to stay chipper.

I have kept diaries from the beginning of the 70s to the present day.

Many of them were full of angst and personal detail, thoughts on different family members and accounts of difficult divorces, family rows, affairs and so on.

Last year I set myself the task of reading through each diary and doing a summary which included the interesting, enjoyable events in our family history and omitting stuff I would not like my children/grandchildren to read.

I did keep all those diaries from the 70s and from about 2005 on (I no longer include sensitive detail).

I did find it a wrench to shred my diaries but I'm glad I did it.

Good point petallus - about things you wouldn't want future generations to read.

I noticed when I read my diary that I had left out the part where my DH has a headfit about the children and we had a massive row in a pub garden. I stormed off and it took him hours to find me and the kids.

Ah Happy Days????

Surely if someone is ill, you just look after them, nothing to do with DNA

Jen we had just been agreeing that you are lucky if your particular DNA gives you strength in a particular position so it was my little joke.

If someone is ill you will do your best to look after them but it is beyond some for all sorts of reasons.

I don't feel any regrets as such on getting older, but I'm very conscious of time flitting by very quickly now. I know I won't be able to do all sorts of things that I'd thought I might liked to have done in my life. I wouldn't say 'hoped to do', because my life meandered along in such a way that we were just glad to be able to put food on the table in the early years.
Re diaries - my MIL had asked us to burn her diaries when she died. She had quite a bundle of them, and although it was tempting to have a peek, we did as she asked.
Tegan, . Sometimes I do think that although we maybe don't exactly get 'forgotten' by our adult children, I think we get left behind in the rush that is their lives. They think we're ok because we don't tell them otherwise. I've always been careful not to appear needy (which I'm actually not), but there are times when I really would appreciate a call asking if we were ok!

I have had pangs of sadness throughout my life and look on it as a normal human emotion or response to events and not particularly age related. Perhaps as we get older we have more time to reflect on things and some of them will make us sad others happy but like all feelings they pass unless we allow ourselves to dwell on them. For the op mixing with people her own age helps for others it might be something completely different. Spending more time with grandchildren or young people for example, or for me exercising and following hobbies, sometimes with a group of like minded people, sometimes alone.

Interested to know if you are still feeling that pang of sadness today parcs.

Sorry, sore spot, Gracesgran.
Didn't like the idea that it was my mother's DNA that meant I looked after my husband until three weeks before he died, when Hospice at Home carers took over. I thought it was my free will.

I should just add I have several regrets about the past but don't dwell TOO much on them as that is a waste of time. As once told in a counselling session "just acknowledge them and then let go".

I think dna accounts for most things in our natures.

(as it does in your physical makeup)

My diaries aren't really accounts of life in the 80's; most of them are just me moaning about my ex never doing the washing up or which horse I've backed in the 3.15 at Kempton. I think my children will just throw everything out anyway [my daughter said she will get the house clearance people in] and I can't see the grandchildren being interested. The little girl might, but I'm beginning to realise that I won't be having as close a relationship with her as I had with the boys. My house is too packed with everyones lives. Because I have virtually nothing from my childhood I've been obsessive about holding on to everything for my children. I've still got stuff belonging to my ex plus his fathers things. His house is much smaller than mine and he does support me so that I can keep this house going, so I can't really give him an ultimatum to clear it all ou but being surrounded by so much stuff from my past stops me from moving forward. Ditto my son who also lives in a house that is much too small so I store things for him too. I've also let the house get quite shabby because I didn't want the grandchildren to worry about the grandchildren making a mess, but they hardly come here now anyway. I'm fast becoming one of those people on telly that live in houses where you can't move for rubbish but I'm scared that one day I will have a massive blitz and then regret it. I do wonder a lot these days how life would be if I was still with my ex and that the dynamics of our family life would be better; again we're still really good friends and that makes it difficult to move on as well. Sorry to rant on; I'm just doing a bit of thinkng out loud on here .

Tegan (((hugs)))

Don't waste too much time wondering whether things would have been better if you and your ex were still together. I could give you a view from the other side of that, but the truth is we will never know how our lives might have turned out if we had done things differently.

I'm the last one to advise about clearing things out as I live in a state of someone else's chaos. I suppose it depends how big the things are that you are storing, but can't some of it be boxed up and put away somewhere for them, so that at least you are not buried in their stuff. If it's furniture of course it's more difficult. Perhaps if you could at least keep part of your home that's yours and all yours, and make it just as you like it, and close the doors on the rest? Don't know if that's any help, as I say, I'm the last person to be able to give any advice in this subject.

I have asked the ex to clear out the garage but he can't do it till he finishes building a garage at his cottage [knowing him it will take years but he did say it will be finished by the summer #heardthatbefore]. A lot of the things in my house are things that other people keep in garages [decorating stuff etc].The trouble is I have this strange mindset that keeps things that you can't see [drawers, cupboards] immaculately tidy whereas all around me is junk and clutter, so putting things away in boxes doesn't help . As for throwing things away, I've hurt my wrist by painting a fence [some sort of repetitive strain I think] and I must have thrown away a wrist support that I've had for years. Mind you, it might be repetitive strain from spending so much time on the bloomin' pooter ! And can I bring myself to throw out the huge cardboard box wendy house that resides in my living room [and also contains more junk]. Methinks I am beyond help...

gagagran Someone might well be interested in your diaries.

Margaret Forster wrote Diary of an Ordinary Woman after being given access to a woman's diaries. There's a bit of a twist and the book is described as a 'fictionalised memoir'.
It's a fascinating read though.

www.theguardian.com/books/2003/apr/19/featuresreviews.guardianreview14

tegan for you.

I'm so pleased to read that vegasmags used to teach computing. So many younger people are of the opinion that older adults are unable to deal with modern technology. The receptionist at my hairdresser was astonished to see me put the details of my next appointment into my iPhone. People seem to forget that it was our generation who were at the forefront of creating the computer.

i read this today ..... Dont regret growing older , it is a privilege denied to many.....so true i think

Wow that gets you right between the eyes and as you say so very true, so so very true. Thank you

Rosie my DIL and DS can not do stuff that I can do on iphone.

Technology has become so intense now that not even the youngens can keep up

I have to say it felt GOOD, when, there I was, explaining to them a task on the iphone that they did not know how to use!!

xx