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is my DGD a minx or just a normal 2 year old

(37 Posts)
etheltbags1 Mon 04-May-15 23:50:50

Hopefully on a lighter note than some of my posts, I would like to ask grans about the behaviour of the average 2 year old.

My little DGD, almost two and a half is being really difficult, she threw a turnip at a customer in the supermarket, dives off the sofa headfirst (usually to a carefully placed cushion), chases my cats, removed her car seat straps, kicks the front passenger seat, screams and throws a tantrum if thwarted. She kicks, spits ,punches and throws her toys, deliberately destroys them. She offended great granma by throwing a way new book she had just bought. the list is endless I cant remember her mother being as bad. I think she is wonderful and love her unconditionally but is she just being a victim of the terrible twos or could she have a behavioural problem. I did laugh at the turnip throwing incident though

Coolgran65 Tue 05-May-15 00:50:59

It does sound like the terrible twos - but when any of our dgc tried anything we wouldn't allow 'the terrible twos' to be an excuse, although it may be a reason.
Any misbehaviour meant the step, and they all knew it. Bottom stair or the back door step. And they had to do their time, tears and howls prevailed but in the end they had to say sorry. Saying sorry meant hugs followed.

Do the parents of your dgd use a fair manner of discipline, in as much as is possible with a two year old.
Action = consequence.

For instance what was the consequence of throwing the turnip at a stranger, kicking the passenger seat, or deliberately destroying a toy.

In saying all of the above, ours tried it on time and again, and still would, but eventually the step and the removal of benefits such as ipad, night time toy, no bike, no bedtime story, no cartoons etc. brought decent behaviour and we can take them just about anywhere. Now aged 4.5 and 7.5.
Mind you, yesterday one was on the bottom step of the stairs and the other was on the back door step, at the same time !!

And of course you love her unconditionally - she is the star that shines in your heart smile

vampirequeen Tue 05-May-15 09:12:08

It's the terrible twos but that's not excuse so there have to be consequences to her behaviour so she learns that it's not acceptable.

The upside is that the terrible twos only last a year or so then it's relative peace and quiet until she's around 13 when one night a little princess goes to bed and Godzilla stomps down the stairs the following morning. But, hey, that only lasts for around 5 years grin

whenim64 Tue 05-May-15 09:49:34

Sounds pretty average to me. They can do some of these unwanted behaviours at a slightly earlier age and get a few laughs from doting parents and grandparents, which gives them the green light to try and get more attention. She'll grow out if it. It's just as easy to be stern and find yourself faced with a two year old on the verge of tears because she's been reprimanded. I told my little grandaughter not to stick her tongue out at me (it was becoming an unwanted habit) and her chin started wobbling. Felt like such a heel afterwards.

rosequartz Tue 05-May-15 10:14:21

It sounds like the terrible twos but you have to be firm and not laugh.
Throwing herself off the sofa isn't naughty, just getting rid of energy - does she get plenty of playtime outside?

DS is quite firm and when DGD2 was naughty one word from him would have her saying 'Naughty step, Daddy?' and she would plonk herself on it.
She is 3 now and removal of toys seems to work better now.

Only 5 years vq? You got away lightly! grin
DH reckons 'the tunnel' lasts for 10 years!

annodomini Tue 05-May-15 10:15:16

GS3, as a terrible 2, just laughed at the naughty step. He has continued to be mischievous and sometimes cheeky but is now a fairly rational 7-year-old who still relishes the opportunity to get his big brother into trouble.

rosequartz Tue 05-May-15 10:23:17

Ps I think they all go through it, some are worse than others - DGD2 wasn't too bad as a 2 year old but seems worse as a just 3 year old whereas DGD1 had the red-faced lying on the floor arms and legs thrashing type of 2 year old tantrums. She is delightful now at 6, proud to take her anywhere.
I don't see so much of DGS but what you describe reminds me of him at 2! He is lovely now at 7.

My own, of course were perfect. [ blush]

AshTree Tue 05-May-15 10:29:53

I'm sure it's the terrible twos but that doesn't excuse the bad behaviour, only explains it. It is so hard, isn't it, to reprimand our grandchildren at this tender age, but it has to be done. I often think it hurts us more than them!
Being destructive with toys has to be dealt with so that she learns to value things. When my DD was about 3 she deliberately ruined one of her brother's favourite books. She knew it was his favourite, so no excuse there. To punish her, I took her favourite outfit from the wardrobe and ripped it in two in front of her (it was actually at the end of its life, being really too small for her, but she didn't realise this wink). To this day she remembers how distraught she was and admits she learned from this lesson.
It's called tough love smile

absent Tue 05-May-15 10:43:54

I think they tend to go in bursts of about six months. You start congratulating yourself when you have a co-operative, polite, gentle little grandchild and then suddenly he or she tuns into the ankle biter from hell. Just when you think you're going to hang yourself because you cannot cope any longer, the little angel persona makes an appearance.

At the same time, children have to learn what is acceptable behaviour and what is not – especially when they start pushing boundaries around the age of two and trying their strength and control over family members. I remove toys front the room if they are being misused or threatened with potential damage. I refuse to read another book if the crisp bag, pear core or other rubbish has been thrown on the floor rather than put in the bin. I do not tolerate physical displays of anger and Granna's displeasure is felt by everyone.

It's a process.

rosesarered Tue 05-May-15 10:44:47

I think it is more difficult for us as grandparents to tell them off, particularly if their own parents don't.As a grandparent I would only do this if the behaviour is really unacceptable, ie. Throwing veg at strangers, ruining an object, hitting etc.we have an almost three year old DGS and he has tantrums, throws, etc.I think it goes with the territory of being that age, but in the past ( our own children) we didn't let them get away with it.The problem is that you can't laugh at what they do one time, and reprimand another time.Although they are still babies really, they are learning all the time, and as whenIm64 says, when you tell them off and they become upset, you feel like a heel, but it has to be done sometimes.I tell my DC to pick their battles with the little ones, let some go, but others not.

Nelliemoser Tue 05-May-15 10:45:19

It is part of being a terrible 2yr old but it does not mean it should be ignored.
Thowing things at people is not acceptable and she needs to be spoken to to let her know this. Try such language as "it is unkind" or "if it hits someone it will hurt them and make them cry".

It needs to be firm but not threatening and she should apologise. A time out might be appropriate if continues. A sort of rule of thumb for that was a minute for each yr of age.

If she tries to damage toys or books put them away for a day.

When my DS started getting rough with his baby sister I used to put him on the stairs. he did get the message that it was not acceptable.

Gagagran Tue 05-May-15 10:50:44

My DD's two (now aged nearly 14 and nearly 10) have always been biddable and easy children due to DD's consistency. She is a loving Mum but from the word go had discipline and followed it through. The most effective sanction was "no screen time". Worked a treat.

My DS's two (now nearly 13 and just 10) have been much more difficult as their Mum (my DiL) just gives in to their demands and panders to them. They interrupted and were quite rude and attention seeking when younger and were allowed to do and be so.That was whilst their Mum was there! When we had them on our own things were very different and they were much better behaved.

So I think it is important to have ground rules from the start and be consistent in applying them Children feel safer when there are boundaries and it certainly makes life easier for the adults in the family!

Bogoff Tue 05-May-15 11:05:38

Sounds perfectly normal to me for a two year old. Do not worry she will grow out of it eventually (30 + in our case).
Our grandson was horrid when he was two ish, everything you mention and worse (except the turnip), he is now 5 and transformed into a loveable little boy.
Many children go through these learning phases when they are finding their place in life.

trisher Tue 05-May-15 11:47:20

Sounds familiar as well. My DGD has similar outbursts, her mum and dad are very strict about things and it does seem to be working. They take toys from her if she is throwing or misbehaving with them in the house and remove her from wherever she is creating if it is outside. It is hard and if I witness it I want to go over and give her a cuddle, but I don't have to live with her, and she is their child so I restrain myself. On another note there is a theory that children who aren't disciplined when they have temper tantrums at 2 are actually quite frightened of their own emotions and appreciate an adult stepping in and providing control and discipline. Good luck though, I think it's harder when it's your GCs than when it was your own.

HildaW Tue 05-May-15 11:59:19

My darling GD is also a bit of a tinker....certainly more so than her older brother who is growing into a really deep thinker.

My son in law and daughter seem to be handling her outbursts very well and, as trisher quite rightly states...'she is their child' , so I am guided by them. They are firm but fair....and also that the boundaries remain the same. Its definitely a stage she's going through...(a child psychologist will go to great lengths to explain its all about the development of self and understanding one's emotions and responses and growing intellect).
She will, I think, grow up to be more of a risk taker than her brother and it would be wrong to counter that but, she just has to learn than flinging toys and thumping will not get her anywhere. Methinks she's learning already that a big smile and a saucy look is far more effective....but that's a whole other story.

whenim64 Tue 05-May-15 12:11:25

Now she's three, little grandaughter has learned several facial expressions and has practised 'frowning at you with my eyebrows' which was fun, but she now checks to see if her boundary-pushing behaviour is going to get a frown.

As absent says, it's a process. Smiley, happy face for using the potty, pretend sad face or frown for throwing books on the floor - likewise, she can usually express her feelings now without throwing her body down or bursting into angry tears. Mind you, she still indulges in pushing it for her own amusement! grin Her twin sister does the exact opposite of whatever she is doing, just to keep us on our toes.

Nelliemoser Tue 05-May-15 12:41:42

My DGS at 2.5 is now becoming more challenging, which is not helped at all by his just having become a Big Brother.

Poor little chap it must be bewildering for him. Does Mummy love someone else now? Why is that baby now getting more snuggles with mum than I do?

harrigran Tue 05-May-15 12:51:35

GD1 used to have the terrible twos and throw herself on the floor, DS used to get the camera and video her, she would then jump up and ask to see the film. She has now turned into a mini teenager and flounces out of rooms slamming the door behind her.
GD2 was sweetness and light and I have never seen her have a tantrum.

annodomini Tue 05-May-15 13:27:03

Depends on the child. I don't think DGS1 was ever a two-year-old! He was and still is good natured and rather philosophical with a great sense of humour. By contrast, his sister, a prima donna, used to have oscar-winning tantrums, well beyond two. Often enough the reason was known only to her. Now she is about to be a teenager!

mollie65 Tue 05-May-15 13:36:09

think minx is an unfortunate noun - suggest naughty child instead
definition of minx (you would be hounded on mumsnet and the child would be applauded for being 'challenging' ) hmm
'an impudent, cunning, or boldly flirtatious girl or young woman.'

Bogoff Tue 05-May-15 14:14:51

I suspect that the root of "Minx" in this thread was from "Mini the Minx" in the Beano. Sounds like a suitable comparison for some 2/3 year olds, certainly our GS. In fact our GS even has the red hair, perhaps that's significant ?.

" Mumsnet" what is that ?? Oh yes I remember now, worries me what they might think of our opinions - NOT.

HildaW Tue 05-May-15 18:48:33

Can remember there was a bit of a curfuffle on here a while ago over the word 'Minx'. Language evolves over time and nowadays that can mean from one generation to another. In my mind its all about being like Minnie the Minx - sort of creatively naughty but with no real malice. In our family we used the word 'tinker' as in 'Tinkerbell'....naughty but charming. Its hardly anyone's fault that a term is taken up by others to mean something completely different - all that's needed is a brief explanation of any new meanings to save embarrassment...there is no need to take offence.

Bogoff Tue 05-May-15 18:58:02

I just asked my daughter on Skype how she would describe her own son, in one word, when he was in his naughty two's stage. I won't repeat it !! ( no not a 4 letter word). As I said before he is lovely now.

rosequartz Tue 05-May-15 19:02:08

I remember that thread too, HildaW - Minnie the Minx being thought of with horror in a sexual way by those over on MN, whereas those of us who remember the Beano think of her as a mischievous little girl!

Sorry, but DH and I still use Minnie the Minx as a term of endearment for DGD2! If DS and DIL objected to it I would not use it, don't care what that lot on MN think.

Minnie the Minx is nicer than 'naughty child' imo.

I called 3 year old DGS 'you cheeky boy' once meaning funny and a little bit impudent, slightly naughty but not bad.
His other GM was furious, said he was in no way 'cheeky' - in Australia it means a very badly behaved child.

Iam64 Tue 05-May-15 19:15:28

Our family has always used "tinker" as an affectionate term to describe children behaving like scallywags (goodness only knows the origin of scallywags, no doubt someone will tell us)

Only when I began working with various travelling communities did I realise that tinkers were traditionally Irish travellers who sharpened knives and other house hold implements. I still find myself using the term - more recently in an affectionate if despairing way to describe my naughty young dog…...