Grandaughter

My lot pay us back by direct debits. We sometimes let them off the last payment or two. Depends what they've borrowed it for!

You did good in lending her money. I will lend my money to my GD no matter how hard it is for me to arrange and my husband thinks the same. We're not going to take this money to our grave and I totally agree with "Mishap", better to give it when she is in need rather than when you're dead and I don't care if she returns the debt or not.

I think all money given to help when DC/DGC are having living cost problems should be repaid.

The odd unexpected lump sum for a particular purpose is fine, but I have had to advise and assist several older people who have cleaned themselves out and even taken out mortgages because of their lifetime habit of bailing their children out every time they got into debt.

They all had children in their 40s who were constitutional spendthrifts who had never matured financially because whenever they got into debt, Mum and/or Dad would shell out money to sort it out.

In their early adult years, any money we advanced our DC had to be repaid and we were strict about it. Once it was clear they had developed into financially mature and sensible adults we have several times given them lump sums towards expensive items. This money has always been given without any request or hints that it might be nice. If either of them asked for money, except in an exceptional crisis, we would still want it repaid.

What a lovely thread. Not one person has said they would not have lent dgd the money.

FlicketyB you have mentioned before that you expect your children to always pay back loans and I can only agree that this is a good thing if circumstances permit

However, whilst some children have reasonably well-paid jobs and a relatively high standard of living, others are in low paid work and struggling just to put a roof over their heads and food in their (and their children's mouths). In these circumstances, it is not so easy for them to make regular payments until a debt is fully repaid.

My own DD is in this position and it is not always possible for her to make repayments on a regular basis.

Not only that, but since I have spare cash every month and can buy what I like, within reason, I like to share my good fortune out a bit so my children and grandchildren can have a few treats.

JOLLYG I love your quote "give while the hand is hot and not cold."

That's my philosophy exactly.

I give my three sons what ever I can afford when they ask and sometimes when they don't.

So long as I have enough to have some comforts in approaching old age I give them what I can to make their life easier.

I love being able to help my children out. When they were small and asked for something I had to say - sorry can't afford it - they had second hand everything. So it is now a pleasure to help out and I know it is appreciated.

Petallus When I leant my children money they were either students or in hourly paid waitress and barmen jobs. Now they have decent jobs and homes I would not expect them to come for me a loan, except in very exceptional circumstances, and such circumstances have never arisen. I would expect them to take out commercial loans like anybody else.

The loans, when they were made, were always small amounts; a couple of hundred pounds at most and the repayments would be low, £5.00 a week. It is sad but true that it is far more important to learn to live within your means when your income is low and you are struggling than when your income is larger. Get in debt when on a small income and you are on the path to pay day loans, and loan sharks and escalating and unmanageable debt. Get in debt when your income is higher, you can use credit cards, overdrafts and bank loans and when you take out such debt , you are usually confident you can repay the debts. Those on small incomes aren't.

Having seen the effect of parents handing out money whenever requested; elderly people with substantial occupational pensions living in poverty because most of their pension is used up servicing their children's loans while their financially irresponsible children keep spending and expecting their parents to pay.

Giving children money whenever they need it can be a form of child cruelty.