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Practical issues

(52 Posts)
NanKate Sun 30-Aug-15 20:56:24

I have just read on another thread how one Gransnetter is struggling to cope with the recent death of her DH. I am sure I would be very similar.

I felt it was inappropriate for me to ask the following question on that thread so have started a fresh one here.

Can anyone suggest a book or website that gives comprehensive on what to do practically when a partner dies ? I mean from who you have to inform, to how to deal with all the weekly paperwork, bills etc that now need to be looked after by the remaining partner.

Jane10 Sun 30-Aug-15 21:56:54

I found the local authority was very helpful when I went to record my mum's death. They immediately organised informing all sorts of people/organisations etc They gave me a leaflet called 'What to do when somebody dies". There is a lot of practical stuff that swings into action but I don't suppose people know that in advance. I certainly didn't. The local authority people even instantly cancelled things like library tickets and bus passes which wouldn't have occurred to me.

annodomini Sun 30-Aug-15 22:55:45

The CAB has lots of useful information and leaflets about dealing with the practicalities of bereavement.

Nanabelle Sun 30-Aug-15 23:08:23

I had to go to the hospital to collect the death certificate for my Aunt, and I was given a booklet which had lots of helpful information in it.
I have often thought of visiting our local Funeral Director before I needed to use them, to look at coffins and find out more about organising a funeral; but I have been told that coffins are ordered from a book/online these days and it may just be an office!! I thought it might be helpful to make choices while not burdened by grief.
I suspect funerals could be a bit like weddings - you could end up spending much more than you intended or needed.
Yes, the CAB is a fund of information on all sorts of things.

Liz46 Mon 31-Aug-15 07:47:18

When my cousin died his wife had problems because he had looked after so many things online and she did not know the passwords. She did not even know who supplied their gas and electricity.

Anya Mon 31-Aug-15 08:39:36

Weirdly, just as I'm reading this, DH wandered in and said he was thinking he ought to take out a funeral plan hmm

I think we should both put together a file with things like our current accounts, savings, policies, etc. along with passwords for such. And keep them safely together with our wills and LPAs.

annsixty Mon 31-Aug-15 09:01:17

When my DD visited recently I told her where things were kept and I had made a file detailing wills, who had the deeds to the house and all related things and for the first time she listened carefully and didn't come out with the usual "oh don't say things about that Mum"!!! I felt happier though that she knew.

Anya Mon 31-Aug-15 09:08:22

Deeds to the house! Yes, must add those details Ann60 - thanks for that reminder.

My estranged sister is terminally ill and I have the grave deeds for my father in my possession as we paid for his funeral and burial.

We purchased a 4-seater (I don't know what else to call it) and I know she wanted to be buried with him. I need to send these to her somehow as I know where she lives now.

bikergran Mon 31-Aug-15 09:35:02

In our Local authority, when you go and register the death they give you a form with a code number on..its called "Tell us once service" it is a service where you ring just one number and they inform everyone, but! I found it easier to just ring everyone myself as there are sometimes questions to be asked.

Coffins! Yes I would deff take a look round your Funeral homes and not just one! as I found out! as they do all have diff prices. I went to 3.

One thing that I will mention that I don't think people are aware of (another one of those things they don't tell you)!

When DH passed away it was during the night, I hadn't put a plan in place,so I just had to choose one of the 3 I had visited 2 weeks before.

The morning after when I went to funeral home where dh was, I sat down with the lady and she went through the basic cost! over £3,000 ! I said there is no way I can possibly afford that! (she then very discreetly told me to ring this number of another funeral home) which I did, he was an independent Funeral Man and he was just lovely.

So what I am saying is! even though you have sent your beloved off to a certain funeral home you can change your mind! you do not! have to use that funeral home, but no one tell you this, if you choose to use a different one (maybe because of price etc etc ) you can move that person to another Funeral home. I did! although at a cost of £125 but it was a small price to pay for the service I received in the end.

The Gov website is very good as it takes you through the stages "what if etc" as things are different if the person has died unexpectedly or if a Doctor hasn't seen them for a while. The person then normally has to be taken to the Coroners and not straight to he funeral home.

Not a nice subject but one which must be approached if you are to save the family trying to think what to do, normally a week to try and organise things which goes very very fast'

One more thing not sure if its country wise..but in our Town you cannot just walk in and REGISTER a death, you have to have an appointment, and you need this to be done as soon as,otherwise you cannot arrange the funeral.
You can book an appointment on line or ring, I rang on the Tuesday morning, I didn't get an appointment until the Friday!l

JoyBloggs Mon 31-Aug-15 09:39:40

Anya 'Four seater', I like that! grin. I was trying to think of what else it could be called and all I could come up with was '4-berth' which definitely isn't appropriate...

kittylester Mon 31-Aug-15 10:20:02

Would it be a 'grave of multiple occupancy'? We have a small safe with all the relevant details in but I sometimes struggle to remember the pesky number.

Anya Mon 31-Aug-15 10:57:34

If you write the numbet down Kitty and place it in the safe....

durhamjen Mon 31-Aug-15 11:23:11

What I found most useful when my husband died was having my son with me to talk to everyone. He was here when my husband died, and took a fortnight off work to help with everything.
We muddled through together, and if I forgot something, he remembered and vice versa.
The good thing is that when I die, he'll know what to do, having been through it all before. Both my sons know where all the paperwork is kept.

kittylester Mon 31-Aug-15 11:41:12

grin, Anya. I know someone who has the code for the burglar alarm on the wall above the control panel grin

Anya Mon 31-Aug-15 11:44:05

You knew my late MiL kitty?

NanKate Mon 31-Aug-15 11:48:13

This is just such helpful info folks and if I can I am going to copy and paste some of it into a document for future use.

Bikergran you mentioned a useful Government website, do you have the website address please ?

I am also sorting the music I/DH would like at our funerals just so my DS isn't left with trying to remember what we liked.

I am hoping I don't have to put any if theses arrangements into practise for a good few years, but I do like to be organised. smile

MiniMouse Mon 31-Aug-15 12:36:51

Regarding undertakers removing someone from home or not in a hospital situation, or if the choice of undertaker is not yet known - there is usually a 'duty' undertaker, who will take the body away in the first instance. Then the undertaker whom you wish to appoint will collect them and carry out the funeral. This is a reciprocal arrangement. A friend of ours is an undertaker!

Bamm Mon 31-Aug-15 15:53:41

If your loved one has a religious faith or has definite ideas about their funeral it is most helpful if they make a note of hymns, readings etc that they would like. My husband did this and I was so pleased to find these instructions at a difficult time. I too was given lots of helpful info when I went to collect the death cert.

bikergran Mon 31-Aug-15 17:09:02


Here is the site.

Click on Births,Deaths,Marriages and Care, then click Death & Bereavement.

This is the official Government site, lost of info.

Anne58 Mon 31-Aug-15 17:18:29

There was a programme on Radio 4 not too long ago about the cost of funerals etc. Yes, a funeral plan can be a good idea, but you do NOT have too use a funeral director! One family did a DIY version, ordered cardboard coffin online, organised their own collection from the mortuary, booked the crematorium direct etc.

Saved a fortune. If I coud remember the name of the programme, I might be able to see if it's still available on iplayer. blush

II suppose there's a good chance it mught have been "You & Yours"

Coolgran65 Mon 31-Aug-15 17:37:15

Here in N. Ireland a burial will generally take place within three days. If deceased on a Monday, funeral is likely to take place on the Wednesday, perhaps the Thursday, unless there is a reason to delay. Cremation will be a big later because of a queue.......

kittylester Mon 31-Aug-15 17:42:02

I am completely baffled by the number of relatives who ring up to cancel appointments with DH on the same day a patient dies. I suppose it's one simple thing they can tick off the list.

Ana Mon 31-Aug-15 17:44:25

I don't understand what you mean, kitty. Why wouldn't they? confused

petra Mon 31-Aug-15 17:59:38

This thread has made me find out exactly what I have to do to donate my body to a medical school. I've always told the family that that is what I want to happen, but I've never taken it any further ie the practicalities.
Just had this vision of my body laying around until the family sort it lol

Ana Mon 31-Aug-15 18:01:08

Oh, perhaps because it's so soon after the death kitty? Sorry, a bit slow today!