Is it ok to tell lies to your grandchildren?

When my children were small the early evening news never showed anything violent etc but now they do. I think it is sad that today's children lose their innocence at a young age - whether it be about wars, death, sex or whatever. I suspect that in many homes the tv is on all day and they see and hear all sorts of unsuitable things. Pop stars and so called 'celebrities' are their new role models from the age of 8 if not before.
I would never lie to a child but would be economical with the truth, and there is no harm in falling back on 'you'll understand when you're older' or ' It's a secret for big girls (or boys) ' as a last resort.

My 9 year old DGD is hovering I between believing in Santa and not. A few days ago she said something on the lines of "I'm not sure whether Santa is real or not grandma" I was just about to speak when her little sister (7) piped up "well I don't know how you think mummy and daddy could afford to buy all those toys"

Nuff said

Our 10yr old DGD has only very recently realised FC and TF are mum and dad. I suspect from school pals. However she is hugely protective about the info. so her little sister goes on believing for a bit longer... She obviously appreciated the 'magic' of believing such things and is happy to be part of the deception!

We all lie to our children when we tell them about Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, etc. so surely nobody is saying we shouldn't do this. I was put on the spot when my daughter, aged 9 (old, nowadays, to still believe) pleaded with me to tell her the truth whether Father Christmas was real or not. I did tell her the truth and she was really upset for a while but, at her age, I was torn between lying to let her believe for just a little longer or gaining her trust by telling the truth, which I'd always instilled in my children was the right thing to do.

My DD was afraid I would die when she was small - it was precipitated by reading Charlotte's Web, where the mother spider dies at the end. She followed me round for a long time after reading it, trying to make sure I would be safe.

When my DGDs other grandad died the younger one, then 5, became a bit anxious about who else would die. My DD2 explained it as everybody having a 'turn to live' and that when a turn was over people died but some people had very long turns and some don't but most people have a turn of about 75 years. That seemed to allay her worries at that time!

Sorry about punctuation & spelling - not got the hang of my ipad yet!

My 4 yr old grandson seems to have become obsessed with dying and imagines people die in strict order of their age so that he'll die before his younger cousin etc. I found it difficult to explain because everything i said led to a further question. he didnt seem upset, just curious. I said pople didnt generally die until thy were very old )ie older than me!) but not necessarily in order of age.

No, don't lie

Yes, I believe in just telling them what they need to know in a way that they will understand. I always make sure that just the Children's channels are on when I'm caring for any of the four Grandchildren. You just don't know what might appear on the screen otherwise, you don't get any warning!
Even sometimes when I'm reading stories I have to "ab lib" because they seem a bit scary and who wants Grandchildren having nightmares?

Isn't everything imaginary a lie? It is knowing the difference between imagination and reality.

Don't most of us lie when we talk about Father Christmas, tooth fairy, magic etc?

Always respond to questions children ask bit by bit so you don't overload them with information and always appropriate to age/ level of maturity.

So a question about 'what is that?' when viewing image of a crashed plane could be truthfully answered by saying ' It's a broken plane' If there are no more questions the child has the answer they wanted. If they ask a further question,e.g. 'how did it break' the answer might be , 'it bumped into something' etc etc.

Often when young children ask questions adults give more info than needed. My DD1, when aged 3, asked me How doesa baby get into a mummy's tummy? The answer 'Daddy puts it there' was sufficient at that time.

Grandma2213 said ^ Can anyone think of a better way to deal with this so that it will not upset parents with Christian beliefs?^ Hence my question

I would never lie, but would explain things that had happened in an age appropriate way. I think that when something awful happens and children do not understand it or adults are being obtuse they can sometimes get the wrong picture and worry more. I was always very uncomfortable with Father Christmas myth as I felt I was misleading my DC and was very glad when they worked it out. As to Christian beliefs ( or other religions) I dont have any but would always respect the beliefs of other family as Grandma2213

I think you should never lie. If you are found out, as you will be, you would tinge the trust, or at worst be known to not give a truthful answer. I believe better to withhold facts that are unpleasant. Or 'dont know'

I don't think anyone has said that they would be upset by what was said. Some have said that children were upset by what happened

Those without Christian (or other) beliefs are, quite reasonably, reluctant to mislead children, as they see it.

Why would people with christian or any other beliefs be upset?

No, Grandma2213 I don't think there is a better way to deal with the situation than the way you did.

In my head I think I may have adopted pretty much your word for word Grandma2213 It's not my belief either but if the children's parents are Christians I, personally, would hold my tongue on my beliefs. At this time and perhaps at any time my beliefs are not important.

I think the hardest questions relate to Religious beliefs. My DGC have asked about recently deceased Nana E being in heaven or up in the sky. This is not my belief but I have responded by saying as truthfully as I can 'Yes. Some people think that but you will always remember the lovely times you had with her so she will always be inside your heart too.' Can anyone think of a better way to deal with this so that it will not upset parents with Christian beliefs?

When GD was six she was fascinated by Steve Irwin, watched his tv programmes and we played imaginative games, featuring him anf his family, with her plastic animals each weekend. I wasn't sure how to tell her that he had died but didn't need to as she calmly said what a shame it was that Steve had died. I think she'd seen the tv news with her mother.

Yes, sometimes you can't shield children from the facts of life and death, if it's a family or close friend bereavement then they usually accept it much better than the adults in the family. Horrible and scary world news is a different matter and maybe should censored a little in the same way you wouldn't let them see X rated movies.

I think you should try to tell the truth but very simply according to age. CBBC Newsround is usually very good at making news child friendly.

I will not have the news on when the GC are there if I know it is very bad. The Lee Rigby story was very difficult for example, especially as their parents are in the military.

My two grandsons, aged 2 and 5, were friends with two brothers of similar ages. The 5 year olds were in the same reception class and the little ones were in the same nursery class. A few weeks ago the younger of the two little friends died in a tragic accident and my daughter - a close friend of the bereaved mum - had to tell her children about it. My grandchildren were both upset in different ways, but my daughter gave them the information they needed in an appropriate way and they are nowhere near as traumatised as my daughter is!!

I am truthful with children, but only offer the information that's asked for and try to do so appropriately to the child's age and understanding.